Hi. Im Andy. Im 35 & have severe chronic pain due to a crushed & trapped nerve in my pelvis from long distance cycling.

My story story started three years ago when my father passed away. Me & my pops were extremely close before a falling out put distance between us. When he passed away, I didn't know how to deal with him never being around again & also never being able to patch things up. This ate away at me & I unfortunately locked myself away in my own head & became a bit of a 'character recluse'. This took a terrible toll on my thirteen year relationship & eighteen months ago, my girlfriend decided enough was enough & walked away. Cant say I entirely blame her, as I can see now that I wasn't the easiest to live with & love anymore. She summed it up by saying that she didn't think I was 'in love' with her anymore & that I wasn't the "happy go lucky cheeky chappy" that she had been in love with for many happy years...

After my relationship ended & I lost my home, I threw myself into a mixture of alcohol, cocaine & my job... Working 15+ hour days for five days per week & then drinking & snorting myself into oblivion for the other two, was how I lived my life for months after the split. I finally decided to sort myself out about July last year. Was going to the gym, running & cycling. I had always been extremely active with football, running, kickboxing, weights, surfing, etc, but I had never cycled. I had friends who cycled a lot, so I figured I would just join them. I picked up a road bike & set about regaining my fitness. Started off with small rides of about 15-20 miles & regained my fitness levels in a few weeks, so as I had a desire to push myself, I started to do 20-30 miles a few times in the week & my last cycle was a 50 mile ride. Unfortunately, as a complete novice, I was totally unaware that a bike needs to be set up for individual body size. My bike was set up completely wrong for my body shape/size & with doing so much, so quickly, I did damage to my pelvis & that crushed & trapped nerves. This has caused excruciating pain which starts from my hips & distributes itself down through my groin, to my knees.

It took a couple of months bad form from the cycling to make the pain become constant. I had ignored it to that point thinking I should just "man up" & it would sort itself out over time. Twelve months on & it has become worse & worse. It cost me my dream job as a graphic designer in the sports industry. In the space of three years, I had lost everything & was in pain I didn't realise existed so I looked for a way out. I was helped by my brother to get through the worst of my slide into my dark place.

As of today, I am in the process of receiving cortisone & anaesthetic injections to try & reduce pain & inflammation on the ligament to try & 'untrap' the nerve & hope it can settle itself over time. They don't really help much. I am told that it is unlikely that my injury will ever fully recover & the most probable scenario is that the pain becomes "manageable. I am practically housebound twelve months after initial injury & have had exactly six blissful days which have been what I would class as manageable.

I find it incredibly frustrating to have gone from being extremely active, to having to ask for help with the simplest of tasks. I also find it very difficult coping with not being able to continue with my career.

But despite all of the above, I am trying to look forward. I have a favourite quote which reads, "credula vitam spes fovet et melius cras fore semper dicit..." The translation for that is "credulous hope supports our life & always says that tomorrow will be better..." Despite the overall definition of credulity being one of gullibility, I choose to interpret it as 'trusting positivity'. I choose to have hope that tomorrow will be better, despite how unlikely it is. I have been at the bottom of a dark hole feeling the floor fall away & its not a fun place to feel like the loneliest person in a room even though you are with people who love & care about you. So I choose to try & see the good in most situations. I choose to believe in hope...


Cripes, that is a long post! Its good to get things off the chest though, so thank you for reading.