[PMF]

I've joined after reading about everyone's care and concern for each other. Think I need some of that too.
I'm three back surgeries down (in five years) and am now officially called a FSS patient.
PMs are now talking SCS (again)! They've tried and failed three times to get them in. The first attempt was suspended after 2 hours with three providers trying to shove the thing in me; the next two trials were described as difficult and never affected my needed low back area; one numbed my perineum, the last one gave me an electric jar with each left step and were both removed at days 2 and 3.
A military multi specialty committee is recommending a NS place a paddle lead. I'm soooo not sure about another "anything" and don't see much of a future for me like this.
I fought surgical procedures for a long time-should have kept fighting.
Opiates don't work and I really can't take narcotics and work anyway.
Some of the HCPs seemed to believe when I tell them that I hurt 7-8, 24/7, and sleep very, very poorly due to pain. The latest-I don't think he believes me.
I can't seem to convince him that because I'm not rolling around on the floor calling for my mother, asking for narcotics, and/or sobbing uncontrollably, that I am not hurting horribly. My sobbing goes on behind closed doors.
I am incredibly sad right now, and am unable to share these feelings with another person.
Wow, lots of whining!