[Tinkerbell]

Hi! I'm so happy I've found this resource to commune with others with PCS (Post Concussion Syndrome) mainly. I am a 44 year old, married mother of seven and grandmother of seven. I am an addictions counselor, too. I live in a very rural area, lots of ranching, horses, cows, sheep...Close enough to all sorts of recreational activities, but far enough away to be in the sticks - we don't lock our doors, even in 2007!

In terms of my PCS, my family all think I've gone nuts! Okay, maybe that's not very charitable; but it sure feels that way! (My husband is reading over my shoulder, and begs to differ - he says I'm still loved, and he has ALWAYS thought I was nuts!) No one understands, 'cause I still look the same. I got bucked off my horse six years ago, bonked my head, got knocked unconscious: witnesses tell me I talked gibberish for two minutes, then was completely silent, staring up at the sky for another two minutes (my husband is convinced I was conscious, but I have absolutely no memory of that). I'm told I flipped over the top of my horse, then landed first on the back of my shoulders, then my head whiplashed down. Last thing I remember is seeing my horse's hoof out of the corner of my right eye as I flipped over, thinking, 'Oh, s---!' Next thing I remember, someone's holding my head, providing cervical traction, I'm freezing, shaking, & someone's asking me where I am...I was ****** 'cause someone woke me from a very sound sleep! Then they told me an ambulance had been called! Then I started to struggle (I'm a cowgirl, if it ain't bleedin' and it ain't broken, you're all right!); and the person maintaining cervical traction (turned out to be my husband) told me to stay still, 'cause I WAS very definitely taking an ambulance ride! More for me to be ****** about! I admit I got somewhat verbally combative in the ambulance - I told the EMT he had only three tries at sticking me with an IV, if he was unsuccessful after three tries, that would be it - my veins roll under the best of circumstances, let alone in shock, so the poor guy had no chance! Anyway, they get me there, so X-rays, CT scan - I'm dizzier than all get out (went to the bathroom when I got left alone - boy, THAT was a trip! I've NEVER been that dizzy!) The doctor gets to me, and the nurse asks him if he wants an open line - I hollered out, 'Oh, HECK NO!' and the doctor tells me to settle down, young lady! Arrgh! They diagnosed a severe concussion, my husband tells me - some details are really fuzzy - they wanted to keep me overnight, but I wasn't going for it, so they gave me some 'scripts for Tylenol #, or something, and sent me on my way.

It's now six years out, and there are definite cognitive and emotional changes: poor ST memory, slowed mentation, my organizational skills and efficiency have gone to heck, I repeat myself all the time, or forget to tell someone something, & could swear I've told someone whatever it is..., depression reigns, anxiety manifests, vertigo happens - if I lay my head on my pillow or in a chair, putting pressure on a certain spot at the back of my head, I can fall asleep INSTANTLY - kinda' cool. I lost most of the first year after the accident - yes, I went to work, (there are pictures, I know I was there, but I have very few memories of that first year). I got on a horse one time since the accident, and got so dizzy I got right back off after one round around the arena - had to prove I wasn't scared! And I am not scared of horses - it was a freak thing, the horse wouldn't have done anything in the world to hurt me - it was a definite accident. I would LOVE to get back on a horse, but even looking down a small staircase gives me the dizzies, and that REALLY SUCKS!

The hideous part is the effect this has had on my work. My Clinical Supervisor is AWESOME, and gives me more time to complete charting & reminders for paperwork that no one else gets. But this has made me feel slow & stupid, I've even fallen to sleep at work (only once, the first week after my accident - I have clients that still give me crap about it!), and I sometimes repeat things to my clients that I've already told them, and they are incredibly understanding & patient...The upside is that I now have great empathy for those who have PCS, and have turned out to be an incredibly good therapist for them (they say).

I feel like I'm probably as good as I'm going to get, this many years post-concussion....I have accommodated with "To Do" Lists, elaborate documentation, checklists at work (that are ever-changing, which doesn't always help!), lists & calendars, etc. I still can't remember where I put this month's bills; but I just send them in when I find them, or if someone calls to tell me I forgot to pay up...even the month-to-month bills get forgotten - you'd think I'd think about it when I turn on the stove or the lights....see what I mean about feeling stupid?! I used to be so quick, so all over it, so organized, so much FUN! I even forget to grocery shop! But, at least, most of the time I can tell myself it's something I really can live with - my life remains rich, joyful and beautiful, overall. What have I got to gripe about? My family & friends have remained with me & my colleagues have, as well (I know there are times they'd love to strangle me). I am truly blessed to be alive, walking & talking. So the depression and anxiety don't always get to me, unless I'm thinking in a depressive or anxious way. I can be awfully perseverative for someone who can't remember what she said two hours ago!

I really want to know what treatments might be had, or tests that can be performed to see how I might be able to benefit from some type of therapy - I'm willing to work it - but my insurance has to cover it! Or, at least, if I might be able to expect to get some of my old cognitive abilities back (wouldn't that be nice?! I can dream!).
But, mostly, I will just appreciate the support of other people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!