[desiree3]

my name is desiree when i was7 i had a brain absess and 2 mastoid ektemes doctors removed a piece of my skull in right front temp area said it would fuse back completely, never did still have a very tender 2 inch soft spot. if i were to get hit there it could kill me. but i'm almost 30 and still here so alls good right? anyhow, they had me on dilantin for only a year following surgery and i did very well for almost 10 yrs then i started having "panic attacks" one a month at first then 2,3,4 then none for a year or so cameback 1,2,3,4 a mo then 10 a week then up to 14xs a day. dr. gave me xanax it didn't stop the attacks but made me not really care they were happening. i tried explaing to every er doc there not attacks they're siezures possibly followed by some panic cause what the heck is going on w/ my brain? most would't even do an eeg even given my history they alll said it was my nervous system, righty o! it got so unberable w/ 3 kids to leave the house the noises and lights (especially florecents) in places instantly sent me into an episode and still 70% ofthe time do. then i quit driving even though dr never said to because i would get back home and if it wern't for the pkgs. in my car i'd have no clue where i'd been, scary! finally i quit going anywhere period for weeks at a time. depression set in and i started losing my mind. i was a freak . finally last mo after getting insurance i pushed my way into a neurologist who alo told me what i was describing wasn't siezres but because of history when 7 i should be on meds. basically she said here your not having seizures but take this anti med. ok.......... it sat on the counter for a wk or so not having seizures why take meds? finally i convinced them to do eeg. i had so much miss firing going on they had to stop at the breathing part cause tech was scared if we cont. i would go into grandmal. she literaly ran out and grabbed the same dr who said i wasn't having seizres came back and asked if i had started the meds .... no, why should have i? you need to be on them imed. after some discussion i went home and started that first days dose WHOA!!! dizzy dizzy and my eyes could hardly focus every thing was so bright i had to wear sun glasses for a week just to watch T.V. but its evened out now and i'm slowly starting to feel less freakish still have a hard time w/ more than 1 noise at a time and lights too but i'm learning to cope hope fully soon i'll learn to live again.