Today I was told by the woman who had travelled side-by-side with me from the beginning of my CRPS/RSD that she could no longer stay with me because she was tired of me resting (laying in bed) all of the time when I would have "flare-ups" (which are frequent) and she needed more out of life than not knowing from day to day how I would feel and thus how our day would go. She has put up with so much and I have tried so hard to make a normal life for us, so I don't blame her, but I feel like I have lost my lover and best friend, and also my best advocate and I feel lost and very afraid. I want the pain to stop and I want to stop taking the medication and have a normal life. I am at the end of my fourth month of short term disability and will be returning to work in May and I am afraid I won't be able to do my work without having restless & painful nights that will interfere with my work during the day. I am new to NeuroTalk, so I hope I am following the rules by posting this problem. Any help that an experienced person can bring is appreciated. Thank You.

Hi Drew and welcome to NeuroTalk! I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship. I'm glad you found this site, though, because there are many caring and supportive people here who understand completely what you're experiencing.

I've posted the link to the RSD Forum for you in case you haven't been there yet. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum21.html. Feel free to join in on any forum you feel comfortable in, though.

Our Social Chat forum is popular, too, when you want to talk about something other than illness. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum35.html

Welcome to the site!

Sorry to hear about your relationship ending Drew. Sometimes people just can't handle it and it's best to happen now and for you to know now she couldn't do it. It's sad but she was honest with you and that's important. There is someone out there who will accept and love you regardless of your RSD. If not, then that's OK too. Your dealing with a painful disease and that shows how strong you are. We're pretty good here at welcoming everyone and offering the support you need.

I'm sad for you.

You have a lot on you. We'll try to lighten the load a little for you.

I think my husband said, "I'd earned a lot of 'brownie points' for putting up with him all those years." 9 years and rollin' I know I'm not easy to live with most of the time, and these are much better than last year's times.

I'm up and down of the night -
want java early sometimes - 4:30 or 5:30 a.m. Seldom do I indulge, but I usually drop something.

I know I disturb him from a deep sleep... he can't find me for all the pillows...

I can't say it's been easy on him either. Not to mention the expense, which I've paid for.

I wonder how many points I had?

It's definitely caused some stress cracks and it definitely brought us closer in other ways.

I guess we should have a partner thread, where they can post for support.

I don't know your whole situation. "Four months short term disability" is not long.... not long enough to be sick and wreck a relationship, anyway. You're not alone here. There are others who can direct you better along the way.

Have you been sick for a while?

Are you able to do your activities of daily living? - bathing, cooking, medications...

If it is really over, I'm so sorry that this came at a bad time in your life. It's not supposed to be that way but so often is the case. Again, I'm sorry you're upset, and yes you do have reason to be emotional and fearful right now. Just take it one day at a time and do the best you can right now. You'll manage either way, with some help. It'll just be different now.


Make lists of things and mark your calendar so you won't forget appointments and items at the store.

Sometimes people can't handle sickness and sometimes people can be selfish and yet still love ya too. I'm sorry that you're hurting emotionally too.
And yes, I've seen disabled people find and grab onto love and things work well and I've seen the opposite. It's just bad when things are going wrong on two fronts.

Aikan "Aloha .... new here 3-27-09" has a post on here. She's gone through a lot too. Look her up on the forum.

I don't think stress is going to help things here, even though you have reason to be. It is a negative for healing.

Drew,
May I shoot you straight?
You haven't lost anything, that God didn't want you to.
An old saying,
"You cannot spend what you Ain't got, You cannot Lose what you Never Had".
Anyway, as it's been written, four months is not a long time.
I've lost two wives to my two injuries, and, millions of dollars, if that matters...

Drew, you take your time, and be who you are, don't you dare EVER cover up your pain, for ANYONE!
Be who you are. And, if "she" can't take you like that, She's NO BARGAIN!
And, nowadays, they aren't many "bargains" to be found. Sorry to say.
Take your Pain and Live it!, The Loneliness too! Own it. Feel it. Then, start over. All new.

You want / she wants some things, that just aren't possible at the moment.
Take your time, you'll find your way.
You don't need someone who doesn't have a clue, to be dragging you by the nose!
S/Forget THAT!

IMHO, I gotta give you major Props!
You're the man!
Let her go, on her merry way!

You Lost NOTHING!

PM me, if you wish.

Anyway, and either way, You are better off!
You've got enough on your plate, than to try and make someone who's not happy themself,
happy. It can't be done!

Carry on!

(Sorry, if I sound cold).
I'm not. Just been there, a couple times... and more.

Pete
ASB

Hi Drew, and welcome to NeuroTalk!

I'm so sorry that your partner couldn't and didn't handle things. Just try to hang in there, and little by little it will get better.

There are a whole lot of nice and caring people here. You will make friends, and be able to talk openly to people who know and understand what you're going through. That will help.

Drew, I am new here, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you losing your partner. I know how tough that would be for you right now!!

I have been with mine for 4 years now and believe me I know my pain has put a strain on our relationship. I met him just 5weeks before my last fusion and I NEVER thought he would hang around afterwords. But he did. Amazingly enough!! We are due to get married this September but I know there are days when i shout and scream at him because I am in so much pain and he will keep telling me to stop and to stop pushing him away. Sometimes I think I do it cos I can't believe he still puts up with me, other times I'm in so much pain I don't care if he left!! However there have been a few occasions when he has walked out and I have felt like my world has fallen apart, so I do understand how upsetting and painful it is. I have ended up having to beg him to come back and promise that I will stop pushing him away but there are times I just don't realize I am doing it and times when I think he would be far better off with someone other than me. Someone he could actually have a "life" with!!

I am in so much pain all the time that we can't organize anything really. I can't tell him that on Saturday, for example, we'll go out and do something, cos I don't even know if I'll be able to get out of bed!!!

Life can be extremely cruel, and it seems to happen to those of us who have spent their lives trying to do all the right things!!

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have friends around you to support you through all of this. I used to be a member of the '**' forum before I met my partner, and believe me that forum kept me going and stopped me from ending it all when the pain just became to intolerable to manage anymore. I made some great friends, granted they were all half way across the world, but they were always there when I needed them, and visa versa. As they helped me I helped them, finally finding that I did have a purpose to carry on. Seemed hard to see at the time but in theory that's what happens.

I had found that because of always being in pain my friends here no longer wanted to know and I was basically left on my own, isolated, in a new area as I'd just moved house, knew no one around me and only had one true friend who was there for me regardless of what state I was in, when she was able to.

I'll be thinking of you and feel free to stay in contact, I'm happy to talk, regardless of the time.

Take care

Thank you for your honesty, Lizbiz.

Me and hubby have had round after round and I too don't know if it will last. But that would go for any relationship basically, but I know there's added stress with my problems and added stress with his problems. Don't make for a lot of happiness.

Hang in there... but don't believe the calvary is coming cuz it's not...

Thanks Broken Wings, I understand what you mean. Life can be tough on the other person in your life. I guess because they are the closest to you they are the one you lash out at first and hurt without realising what you're doing!! I know I lash out at my fiancé alot, especially when the pain is unbearable and he either asks me something stupid or does nothing around the house to help me out, cos he knows there are things I just can't do, and when I'm in the mess I am in right now he doesn't seem to do anything and that really infuriates me, so I lash out..big time!! Not physically (I wouldn't have the strength) but verbally, which I think can sometimes be worse. I say things I don't really mean and I say things to push him away, wanting him to leave me alone and walk...then I realise that's the last thing I want him to do..however, I have made him walk several times and been so scared that he won't come back. He's my rock and I'd be lost without him!!

Hugs,
Liz

yeah, I know how you're feeling.

I don't think he cares if the house is a jumble... and he certainly don't care enough to take care of it.

I have to say, he's failed the "nesting" concept, you know, bowls, cookers...

He does some cooking and it's the best.

And other things he does very well now, shopping at the Dollar General, dishwasher (in/out), folding most laundry and putting it away, going to the USPS for both of us (2 boxes). He's graduated.

And then.... well, he tries to get by as long as he can on most other stuff that he will do but procrastinates till I'm furious.

I have found writing things on a list is better for both of us.... if you can write well enough for him to read what you meant...

and besides, when he don't want to I don't want him to then. So we both end up setting in jumble.

It's our Palace. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.

When you can, take a strike at it and walk away, It'll be there for you when you're able to take another strike at it. Even engage your feet if you can, to pick things up off the floor, separating clothes, move the laundry basket to another area.

And for a year or two... or four... five... I ran a copying machine with my feet. yelp, had that sucker in the floor.

I'm able enough to get to it a bite at a time, so it's looking better than it's looked in years, inside and out. It does help the mood some too. You just have to wear invisible blinders at times and go on with your day. Do the best you can. Hit the high spots if you can.

I did like the "Funny cleaning tips" from "DiMarie" Where can I get one of those? It's a cutie !!!

We grew closer but with lots of stress cracks !!!! use LOVE for glue

It'll all work out.

We're a work in progress...