[Grizabella]

Hi everyone. I'm 63 years old, a widow, and have been raising two grandchildren since they were newborns. They're 14 and 16 now. I began having trouble that I later found out was PN right after my husband died, although I've had numbness in my toes since I was young. It just took off faster after my husband died for some reason, although my feet have been so painful that it's been unbearable most of my adult life, and they turned red and swollen, plus I was diagnosed with some kind of inflammatory disease in 1990 when I had a huge crash but they could never figure out what obscure one of them it was. Then over the years and through many doctors and a lot of misery and frustration, my neurologist just told me that what I have is genetic, although he didn't give it a name. Seems there aren't any doctors who want to give "it" a name so far.

My primary care doctor asked me why I don't use the motorized carts in the grocery store, so I told him that I just hate to use them when someone else might need them more, even though my back hurts so bad I can barely stand up. My primary care doctor said the MRI he ordered didn't show bulging discs but my neurologist says I do have bulging discs. My primary care doctor (who I really do respect and like because he's done more for me than anyone else and referred me to the neurologist) told me I need to walk 30 minutes a day and go for physical therapy on my back. Well, I can't even walk a block much less for 30 minutes. I see my neurologist Friday to see what he has to say.

The reason I'm here is to see if I can alleviate my guilt feelings a little, I guess. I quit driving in about 2000 because of the numbness in my feet. I was afraid I'd fumble the brake pedal sometime and get in a wreck. Besides, I can't afford car expenses anyway. I do use public transportation, but I've stopped doing that, too, if I have to walk any distance at all from the city bus stop to where I need to go. That means I don't go anywhere unless my daughter takes me most of the time, but I hate depending on her so much.

To get to the point, my kids have been trying to find me a mobility scooter or Hoveround for a decent price so I can be independent again. I've always been a very independent person. The other day, we found a Hoveround mpv 5 for $150 on craigslist and when we went to investigate, it was for real----a working one for that price that had been used less than a year and then sat in someone's garage for three years or so! It's an answer to prayer! So the kids pitched in and bought it for me. But now I'm afraid to tell my doctors I'm going to be using it because I don't want them to tell me to just walk, not rely on the chair to go out and about town. Should I feel guilty to tell them I've just given in and gotten one? I'd use it to get myself to my neurologist appointment on Friday but don't want to be scolded. I'll just let my daughter take me and do all the walking to get into his office one more time.

I don't the power chair in the house because I can still walk around the house just fine but I do need it to go anywhere on my own outside the house. I'm no wimp---I've gone through a whole lot in my life, including now being sober for 24 years next month and being in recovery from abuse for at least that long, too, so it's not like I can't take pain. But I've had to cry "uncle" with this neuropathy.

Sorry this is so long.