If he who laughs last laughs best, where does that leave the first guy?

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with
"quit while you're ahead"?

If you're in a bad mood, everybody says that you woke up on the wrong
side of the bed. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to matter which side of
the bed you slept on.

They say that "parting is such sweet sorrow"...then why are we so
relieved when all of the company goes home?

Why do some people go away on vacation "to relax"...and come home
feeling even more tired than they were before they left?

Why is a room full of crying babies called a "quiet room"?

Dogs are a man's best friend...money is a woman's.

If all's fair in love and war, then how come war is hell?

Why do you set your alarm clock to wake you up early in the morning,
and then when it goes off, you hit the "snooze" button and go right
back to sleep?

When you're cleaning the house, why do they call it, "dusting the
furniture"?

When you're out of work, you have to sign up for "unemployment
benefits". What are the benefits to being unemployed?