now that I am old -

I find these jokes to be more humourous?

Not that this applies to any of you

but Old" IS WHEN.......

Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

A sexy woman catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee.

Great Truths About Growing Old

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

One of life's mysteries is how a two ounce bag of candy can make person gain five pounds.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

"The Grouch"
by Dr. Suess

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew ~
Oh, my God, what can I do?

My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like Hell

My mood is bad - can you tell?

My body is drooping
I Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my a_ _

I love 'em.

I found myself almost buying a "Maxine" daily calendar this year too!