My daughter is 14 and newly diagnosed bipolar. She had been diagnosed with MDD 2 yrs ago, but her recent explosive behavior began appearing within the past 6 months. I have had difficulty disciplining her the past 3 years, but recently it has become impossible. In her mind, rules are not made for her and she can do as she pleases. She has even gotten in trouble with the law.

I am at a loss. Rules are constantly broken, chores are never done, boundaries and limits are always overstepped. Taking away privileges and grounding no longer helps. I have even spent many hours talking with her and trying to listen to her suggestions. At this point, nothing helps.

We are working closely with her psychiatrist, adjusting medications and trying to find the right combination. She also sees a counselor weekly and that seems to be going well. She has been hospitalized in an acute care psychiatric facility and once in a long term treatment facilty in the past 18 months.

Does anyone have any suggestions? My goal is to help her become responsibile and learn how to make good choices. I feel that helping her learn from her mistakes is most beneficial, however I am now having difficulty just getting through to her. How do you keep them safe when you can't be with them every minute of the day?

Hi,

I think you are right to be concerned about her safety. Focus on getting her medications right and keeping her safe as much as possible. Those are your only two important goals right now.

Boundaries and choices are almost impossible when someone is unstable. She cannot learn from mistakes and she can not learn from her successes either right now because she is out of control. When her medications are working for her, she will be able to accomplish a lot in therapy. Right now (to the degree that you can), help her get the right amount of sleep at night and daily exercise (walking with her is very good). Keep healthy food in the house: good sources of protein and lots of fruits and veggies.

Go to www.nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They offer support for family members. Also, buy or get from your library Bipolar for Dummies. It has lots of information that includes a chapter on Assisting a Friend or Relative.
She is old enough at 14 to start mapping her moods and identifying her triggers. The book explains how to do those once she gets stable.

M

Thank you so much for your advice! I too feel like right now is very difficult for her to learn from mistakes or even make rational decisions for that matter. Unfortunately, last night she became violent and is now in juvenile detention center. We are taking it one day at a time. Hoping we find help soon!!

Hi, Lilly Cat,

I am so very sorry that she is in juvenile detention. I hope for her and your family that she gets good help soon.

Logs of hugs.

Mari

It's been a difficult few days that's for sure. But I have spoken with the judge, as well as her psychiatrist, and she will be staying in detention for 2 weeks right now. The psychiatrist is going to search for another facility that we can get her into that will be more affordable than the ones I have used in the past. We feel that she needs long term, even more so than she has had in the past. I make too much money, even as a single mom w/no child support, to get assistance! Frustrating really!! I wish there were programs for these kids to get them the help they need, without making families totally broke. I have already exhausted all my funds and have even borrowed money from family members to get help! Ugh!!

I'm so sorry LillyCat. I don't really have much to add to Mari's suggestions. Mostly wanted to say hello, and that I feel for you. It does sound like you are doing what can be done. It must indeed be incredibly frustrating, and painful.

I hope you can find a place that is good and yet as you say affordable. Goodness knows medical facilities are almost as bad as lawyers as far as reducing a bank account to smithereens. Are you sure there is no way to demonstrate a need for aid, despite your income, based on your situation and needs - i.e. the extenuating costs you face? Perhaps NAMI would know of some route for financial support.

'Sending best wishes for your daughter's recovery and to you as well. Take care.

~ waves ~

Hi,

Social workers might be able to connect you to some facilities /support in your area. See if you can get an appointment with a social worker from the place where she is detained.

M

My heart goes out to you and any parent that has has a Bipolar child. You love them so much and yet as they swing into the highs and lows they will say and do things that are shocking and painful to themselves and others. My teen was only recently diagnosed with Bipolar II. She has more lows than highs. As parents this breaks our hearts for them (and for us because we love them and only want the best for them) Discipline is difficult because they don't reside on the same wavelength as other children and seems to send them spinning in the opposite direction. Children who do not have BPD respond differently and I felt as though I might be the worlds worst parent and that everyone else had the "good Child". I know that this is not a true thought but it is hard when your child doesn't respond to "conventional methods". I too face challenges of discipline. Love is always there for our kids but then after the love, comes direction and guidance. I would gladly share thoughts on anything that supports the challenges that we are learning to overcome with our children.