We survived our first weekend away from our son. We left late Friday afternoon and returned Saturday night.

He was fine with us leaving. That evening we were in Kansas City and noticed on the news that Bruce Jenner was at Kansas Speedway. So I jokingly sent him a text message saying Bruce was at the speedway and we were hanging out with Kim K. Then he started asking a bunch of questions about her. I finally realized he thought I was serious. SO I told him that I was just joking. He got really mad and shot me about 6 texts complaining that I had "lied" to him and how unfit I was as a father since I had "lied" to him.

I changed the subject and a few minutes later he was calm and texting about other things. I asked him if he had invited any friends over and he replied that he would never do that while we are gone out of "respect" for us and our home. (hmmmmm?)

The next day we were celebrating our anniversary with family and friends. And we were getting further and further behind schedule. He started texting and asking why we weren't home and when he should expect us. As we got more and more behind schedule he got more and more irritated and starting going off about us lieing to him about our schedule and where we were and what we were doing. That went on for about 30 minutes. Again, we gave him updates on our travels and when he could expect us and he switched again to being very calm and thanked us for letting him know where we were.

On Sunday we witnessed a bad accident on the highway and he was the first to say, pull over and pray for the people in the wreck.

In one sense he has been very controlling, wanting to know where we are and what we are doing. (Especially me and not my wife). Other times he is calm and respectful which is more in line with the way he was raised.

I'm glad you had a good time away and that he did what sounds like
pretty good too.

I think it sounds like he needs a schedule and to know what is going
on all the time.

I hope you can find a happy medium. He needs this as much as you and
your wife.

Donna

Just a quick update. He did get to see an MD which was required in order to get a referral to see a TBI specialist.

He did pretty good but spent a lot of time arguing with the doctor about the benefits of his self medicating and not wanting any man mde medications.

The doctor handled it well. I wasn't there but my wife said the doctor was able to see some examples of his shifts back and forth into becoming irritated over minor things and then quickly going back to being happen and then suddenly shifting again over minor things that agitated him.


His paranoia has continued to decrease but he seems to do his very best to make sure my wife and I are not alone together. He does not want us talking with each other. He demands a lot of my time, comes to my place of work, wants me to spend hours with him alone. He gets very irritated if my wife and I tell him we want to have a "date night" without him. We even went bowling with a group of her co-workers last night and he insisted on going with us saying we don't spend enough "family" time together.

This fits well with the behaviors his girlfriends have described over the past year and half. He has become controlling, wants to be with them at all times, does not want them to go anywhere without him and yet he feels people are always cheating, sneaking around and lieing to him (yes that is paranoia)

Even when I was visiting with my wife on the phone and he was next to me. I told him I could hear her cooking something and it was sizzling like we might be having friend chicken. Then we got home and found out she was cookign something else. He got very upset with me and said I had lied to him about the chicken and he was really upset.

THis behavior is so confusing and not part of his normal personality at all.

Another update. Today my son went to see his psychiatrist. She put him on Quetiaprine. This is the 3rd medication. He refused to take the first two. Latuda and something else I can't remember.

He usually tries the meds for a day or two and then says they don't do any good and quits.

He feels his problems are more related to his TBI from 2007. He is going to see a TBI specialist in Kansas City next month.

He also seems to make up plenaty of excuses for self medicating and how much better and more natural that would be. My wife and I aren't buying that and his doctors aren't either. In fact the MD that met with him last week told him that many of his physical and mental symptoms may be directly related to his self medication.

I hope something starts working soon. There times I have to ask myself is this is a medical issue or is he just being a jerk?

Hi,

Well the good news is that he saw an MD and is on the road to a TBI specialist.
His being kind of clingy and then bitchy (like about the chicken) tells me that he is agitated and irritable.. (I am making a guess. Not an expert of course.)
MDs can knock that out with meds but he might not like the side effects.

The paranoia might be the most disturbing thing for the family members to witness, but most of the time MDs have good drugs for this.

These meds for TBI and bipolar slow down the brain -- that is good and bad. The dulling can make the person feel awful, groggy, and like he has lost his version of his real self . . .
Yet, the drugs can allow the person to pursue a regular life without going around annoying people. And the person can eventually get stable enough to to start thinking about the future.

And be patient because it can happen but it is rare that the doctors get the meds right the first time. Sometimes it can take months (or years) to fine tune the meds.
Counseling is very important during that time because the person learns to develop new (good) coping behaviors and talks to someone helpful about getting used to being on medications.


Do not argue with him. It is not useful. He is sick. If he had a broken leg you would not wonder why he had a hard time climbing up the stairs.
With the patience and care of you and your wife and his doctors, he will get much better.

M

Thank you. We don't argue with him. We usually change the subject and he switches quickly and moves on to other things.

I was very suprised he actually took his meds last night at bedtime. He normally rejects taking any medications.

Hi,
Taking the meds is a good sign.

Mari

Update. Our son is still taking his meds. But he is really pushing boundaries. He has a negative attitude. Often tells us we are lazy if we don't want to do what he wants and when he wants to do something. He uses language that Ed don't approve of and w let him know it. He criticizes everything we do. One sent like how we cook, what we cook, how we drive, what we watch on tv, or even how we shop.

He usually sleeps until about noon then says he doesn't get any sleep.

Strange thing the other day my wife and I went to the grocery store around 1130. He called me at 1215 asking where we were and drove quickly to he store. He doesn't like y to be together without him

Finally after being rude and criticizing my wife (his mother) and making her cry this morning he refused to apologize. Said he is right, we are lazy and he hasn't done anything wrong.