Is that Conquistador Bush? .......Hilarious!

paula

Remember when Johnny Carson used to do "Carnac the Magnificant?"

Steve
I was taking this thread so seriously until I came to your reply - LMBO (cant use the BWAD WERD as my grandson says!)

I am going to get a little risque just at the chance of making maryfrances smile - I know I did when I read this! (still chuckling)
Lord, forgive me! (but it's supposedly a true story)


This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh,
and remember...we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak.

Peggy

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Doggies and was in
line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
Duh!
,
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her
head.
,
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way
it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been
standing in the street lifting my leg at a hydrant when a car hit me!!
.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

.................................................. .............................

IF you are that sad you really need medical intervention, Mary.
Are you on an antidepressant?? What meds, especially agonists are you on??
There is no reason to feel so down!! You CAN feel MUCH better!!

Get treatment!!

IF your Neurologist doesn't take you seriously, either get another or go to a neuro-psychiatrist. They will be able help you!!

big hug!
Chas

Charlie
I think you won the prize so far! I was rolling in the floor and when you mentioned the hydrant, I think I busted a gut or something! LOL

Peg

Peg is right, that is an absolutely lovely yarn, Charlie, I can't stop laughing. And what a brilliant diet idea!!!!!!!!

hahahahaha

birte

Charlie

One more thing that would have sent the whole gang away in stitches who were listening to your story. You should have looked at that lady ever so seriously and whispered leaning toward her, "There's just one problem with this diet. Sometimes I just want to . . . (GRRR - woof!)"

Can you just see that now? lol

Peg

Peggy,

Shake it off, girl. Grrrrrrrrr, shake it off. Cut back on the Iams and eat more Gravy Train. :icon_wink:

Maryfrancis,

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and since I've been working at the same place since God was a kid everyone thinks it is necessart to fatten me up with ice cream and cake. It has become a custom for me to read some getting older jokes before we eat so here is some of this years.

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
A young babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"Getting a little action" means, "I don't need to take any fiber today."
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
An "all nighter" means not getting up to go use the bathroom!
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You send money to PBS.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.