next month..may 23rd to be exact, i will be 52 years old. hitting 50 was wierd because i had officially reached the center mark of a half of century of living. 51 was wierd too because i crossed over that mark. this birthday i will be reaching a different kind of mark. one that is very hard for me to think about, yet here it is. i was diagnosed with pd at the age of 26. that means this year, (i dont remember the exact month) i will have lived with pd for half of my life.

looking back over the years, i dont remember much before the pd began to rear its ugly head. i cannot remember what life was like before medications and dealing with their side effects. i cannot remember walking without the frustration with my legs not doing what they are supposed to do. i cannot remember a secure feeling when making plans to go somewhere. i cannot remember being "normal" or even know what normal is.

i was intant messaging a fellow pwp a few years back who had recently been diagnosed and she asked how long i had pd. when i told her she said the usual "wow, that's really young." when i went further into explanation of the diagnosis being a result of encephalitis/menangitis at the age of 15 she said something that hit hard and opened my eyes to look deeply into my reality. the woman's words were "that's all you know then." wow. she hit the nail on the head.

since the age of fifteen, when i survived something very few people have, i have lived in the survival mode. a few years after the bout of encephalitis/menangitis, i had menangitis again. it wasnt long afterwards that the symptoms began. it was about eight years after the second bout of menangitis that i received the pd dxd after seeing several docs who had me on meds for everything from epilepsy to anxiety. i cannot recall how many different meds i have been a guinna pig to. i hate seeing new docs because i have to fill out my medical history. i dont list all the meds or treatments i have tried any more. i just put "too many".

i gotta say that what i have done in those 26 years from the day of diagnosis to today surprises me. when i was told i had pd, there were no computers and when i told people about it, either i got the deer in the headlight expression or i would hear "my grandma/grandpa had that" in short, nobody could relate. there was no michael j fox nor mohammed ali. it was ten years of just me and pd before i finally got a computer to research it. ten years of coping with some horrid stranger i knew nothing about. then i got a computer and finally began to research. but it wasnt till i found the mgh forum that i really began to understand. "thanks guys". the support i needed was at last being filled as people could honestly relate to what i was living with because they too lived with it. on that day i discovered how to live with pd, not just survive with it.

i know humility i never knew before, i know compassion i never knew before. i know the harsh truth of reality and the survival method of denial. i know the necessity and the sharp edge of pride. i know the importance of support and the sting of neglect, the meanings of empowerment and reinvention of self. i know the potholes will be filled with quicksand that i will have to stumble through to make it to the other side and i know those potholes will solidify when i step upon them in His name.

the woman i was instant messaging said, "thats all i know' i believe this to be sufficient.

happy birthday to me.. heres looking at the next 26 years.

Harley. I am speechless.

Thank you for your story - and way happy birthday to you girl - for a whole month at least.
Fiona

I, too, am speechless. Thank you for sharing your story.

And happy birthday to you.

Most sincerely, Jean

You were one of the first people I connected to on the internet. Home computers were just becoming available. I used a college account, and my ex-husband's cast off computer which required quite a knowledge of Dos language to make it work. There were no built in modems, you had to learn how to buy the right system for your operating system and set it up yourself. I met someone online called Mama Bear who had PD who helped me through some frustrating times. I often wonder what happened to this person and hope the person knows how grateful I was for their help.

Like you, but for different reasons, I have always lived in survival mode. Also like you, I have found my newfound spirituality to be of comfort. Would you believe I just recently realized something about myself? I was willing to credit the lord with my sin, but any good acts I would credit to myself. That is just wrong!!!!

56 and still surprised by Joy,
Vicky

you are KIDDING?? mama bear was the person who lead me to mgh! i was selling on ebay at the time and she was one of my buyers. when i couldnt get her item to her in time because of pd, i sent her a note saying that i was struggling with pd and that is why her item was late. she wrote me a letter back with the url for mgh! wowwww....

praise God for your salvation. and vicky.. He knows you are human..

Pre Happy Birthday greetings. I hope your birthday month is filled with celebration and joy. I never cease to marvel at the pluck and spirit of the members of this forum. Madelyn