inside of me

i want to condemn you though you are my own.
abhor you, despise you, eject you from home.
you limbs that disown me whenever you please
what is the purpose of having this disease?

you disgrace me with advancing disfiguration
and allow me no doubt of your continuation.
the pendulum swings with attempts to control you
as medicinal side effects add to the brew.

i stumble to find a clear path to follow
and you cover my vision with unstable tomorrows.
worsening each stressfull moment i am given,
i cannot control you, and its MY body you're in.

at night on my knees i pray that this ends
asking God to show me what His will intends.
He lays out His hands to nourish a soul spent
claiming all of the victory since your advent

i cannot trade you away changing nature itself
nor put you out of reach up high on a shelf.
so i look at you now...straight in the face
and know i can live with you with my Lord's grace.

each morning i will waken to challenge your melee
as my vision has cleared and i now see my way.
my body may have you as a permanent guest,
but you cant have my soul
that... the Lord has blessed.

laura j dean