We come into this world unsure of our future, and we leave with with very same ambiguity. Paula and I have so much in common. We were both very good public school teachers who loved what we did because we loved our students. We both liked all people - some just a little less than others. We both worried about our kids' futures and knew when they weren't working to their potential. And we both had spouses that just had a really hard time accepting that we weren't like we "used to be." And we both loved our grandchildren more than our own lives. But we faced Parkinson's with everything we had in us to give it a good fight, knowing it would win in the end.

We all start our journey to our hereafter the day we are born. We may not all agree as to what our hereafter is, but we know there is one. All of Paula's concerns - her kids' futures, loving the not so easy to love in this world, and what was going to happen after Parkinson's finally takes over are " nothingness "(I always wanted to use that word) .

Nothingness is where Paula is now - awaiting life's next move - no concerns, no pain, just nothingness. Paula and I also agreed to our places in the hereafter, and we both feel this isn't the last goodbye. So I will say "until we meet again," which the doctor says should be within a few hours.

We all thank you for all you have done for the PD community - but we love you for being there . . .and that we will miss most.
Peggy

Paula, you have been my inspiration, and words cannot say how much love I have for you. Thank you for sharing your journey. Lindy. xx

Covenant woman
got a contract with the Lord
Way up yonder,
Great will be her reward
We hit a wall
And we were broken,
Shattered like an empty cup
But the Lord is there to help us
And fill us all back up
And I know that he will do it
Because he's faithful and he's true
He must love us oh so much
To have sent us
someone as fine as you

A family member told me that Paula rallied a little this morning.

I'll convey your messages as I'm able, to Paula and/or family.

Waiting and watching,

Jaye

not phoning.................not writing......................but right there where and when needed.................that's our JAYE..........that'a my Jaye...........and finally that is Paula's........................ JAYE

Jaye, please tell Paula I love her, and that her life made a difference. Thanks.

...much as in my recent reports. The hospice nurses, by the way, are wonderful. Often they can tell the visitor enough about the patient's state of awareness that it's helpful in knowing what to say. At such a moment I spoke to Paula about the tremendous love expressed by forum members, and gave her a very quick synopsis of your recent messages. She smiled, slightly but recognizably, at Thelma's request and at Bob's poem (no points awarded, folks, this is just what happened in a moment).

When we left, a couple of hours later, Paula appeared to be resting peacefully.

May such peace come to us all.
Jaye.

Why does reality have to hurt so much? I've been doing so well with this until the past few days. My mother used to say, "There's always a silver lining in every cloud." And I see one - it brings us all - the REAL friends - together.
But why does it leave that lump so hard to swallow - or why do we know this is just a little of the start of our old "gang" beginning to depart (basing it on our ages ) . Tena left us not too long ago and that still hurts, too.

I'm just rambling- trying to convince myself of something none of us can control. I just want the hurt to go away.
Peg

I think it is tough on us because we share a lot of common experience. When we see our comrades "go down" it hurts us as if we lost a loved one, and we have, many. It is natural that life is a cycle, and that misfortune and suffering are part of it. If we can remain lucid and still empathetic to others despite our own immense suffering, than peace and acceptance will come to us in the end. That alone could be what the life cycle is all about. When I get depressed, I take my lumps like so many other things, but I still am aware that life with PD, was better than no life at all. That usually makes it abate, fir awhile, anyway. So keep on keepin, have hope and faith that there will be SOMETHING for us to ease our way outa here, and into the great beyond. Cs

Paula, words cannot begin to express the inspiration and value you've brought to the world and to our little community here.

Thank you for everything, and know you will always be remembered here.

Peace,
John