[Songfellow]

I kept an online diary for several years. I've since closed that account but thought I'd share that diary with you.

Steve
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A Lost Childhood Memory 09/07/12

My earliest true adventure as a child was when we took a family road trip from Indiana to my ancestral home in Cutshin, Kentucky. I must have been about 8 years old. That means that the year of the trip was probably 1958.
My mother had told me the story many times about her childhood. She was raised in a cabin with a dirt floor and she used to kill Copperhead snakes with a single shot .22 rifle as they peered around a stone fence.

Her log house was surrounded by moonshine stills and was in a dark "holler" at the base of the tallest and most beautiful mountains on Earth. I couldn't wait.

In reality, the gravel road going up and over those mountains was treacherous. Many times I looked out of my backseat window at the cliff edge that was only a few inches from the wheels of the car. I was terrified and amazed at the same time. Surely, the scenery couldn't get any more beautiful or frightening. I was mistaken.

After what seemed like hours, my father finally pulled the car over to the side of the road at the only wide spot we'd seen for miles. The view was breathtaking. The ravine in front of me made me nervous and the simple 3-rope bridge that crossed it didn't help to soothe them in the least. We waited by the car because someone would be coming for us.

It wasn't long before a very tall, smiling man with a gun appeared at the other side of the rope bridge. He motioned for us to walk across. All I remember from that experience is a rope for each hand, a single rope for my feet, an abyss below me and white knuckles at the other side.

He was introduced as my Great Uncle (I think it best that you simply add the word "Great" to all of my family descriptions. It won't add to my confusion in the least.)

With the words "Follow me", "Don't leave the path", and "Watch out for bears and snakes" we walked into the darkest woods I had ever seen before in my young life.

I have no memory of the actual walk except that it seemed like a long distance. What I do remember is that the path did have an end and finally opened up into a small clearing. There was a very old log cabin standing in the center of it and the tallest mountain I'd ever seen in the back.

As we approached the cabin my mother said “there's your grandmother on the swing”. I already knew that she was a Blackfoot Indian from my mother's stories (we recently put together a family genealogy but we can't find her. Strange.)

What I saw was a mean-looking old woman wearing black riding boots, a Calico skirt, smoking a pipe and holding a rifle that was laying on her lap. (Many years later my mother admitted that everyone was afraid of her. It had something to do with a moonshine still and missing Federal agents. Dunno.)

I thought it best to simply avoid her.

My mother went inside ahead of me. Her first words were “Wow. You put in a wood floor!”

When I walked into the cabin I remember a lot of people in one small very dark room. I remember an aunt who was sleeping on the only bed. I was told that she was dying.

Another aunt worked tirelessly on a treadle sewing machine and a foot-treadle hand loom.

I remember a couple of uncles with what at first were scary multicolored lines in their faces. (It was explained to me that wounds from coal mine accidents can't be totally cleaned of the fine dust.)

There was a story about an uncle who broke his right hand on two separate occasions by hitting a mule in the head for not moving while hitched to a plow (I guess the mule never even noticed).

And finally, there were stories about my ancestors who included such notables as Jesse James, the Dalton Gang and Sergeant Alvin York.

In the backyard I found the old, low, cobblestone fence my mother had talked about but, thankfully, I didn't see any snakes.

One story that stood out was a recent offer by some “fancy-dressed lawyer” who had come around offering to pay a “lot of money” for their mineral rights. He told them that it meant nothing really and that they would keep ownership of their property. Something about it sounded wrong to me.

As we left for home I realized that I loved those people. I was also very proud of my ancestry. I remain proud to this day.

Many years later, when I was in High School we went back to Cutshin. The same uncle offered to take us back to the cabin.

The entire area had been strip mined. The mountains had been raped. The tops were gone and what remained was a flat no-man's land that looked eerily like the photos we see today of Mars (except without the red color).

We walked through this ugly remainder of what was once beauty and looked down at the burned remains of the old cabin. My uncle said that kids on dirt bikes had gotten in and burned it down. Everything was lost.

I immediately remembered the old loom and sewing machine.

As we carve up our planet to find coal and oil to burn I feel that we are making a big mistake. We ignore it because it's in “someone else's backyard”.

To this day these memories fill me with a profound sadness and a sense of overwhelming loss.

Steve

Adrenaline, Exercise and Parkinson's May 24 2012

Getting my medications balanced has been a really difficult task over the years. My thyroid went bad sometime in high school and it wasn't until I was in my 30s that it was diagnosed. Unfortunately, the doctors didn't get the medication correct until about six months ago.

Then, a few years ago I started having heart problems. Since this coincided with my Parkinson's diagnosis, I've been having some trouble telling the two apart. Fortunately, my heart medications finally seem to be balanced.

Now that I finally feel good enough to walk and exercise again, I've learned something new. I've always been suspicious that my ability to react quickly in spite of my Parkinson's disease was somehow related to a surge in my adrenaline. So, this morning, I did a little test. I got up at 5 AM (2 hrs before my usual first dose of Sinemet), took a one third dose of Sinemet and went for my walk. (You might not know that my main Parkinson's symptom is weakness. I feel it in my arms and my legs.* It is a feeling of total exhaustion. It is only about an hour after my first dose of Sinemet that I feel like I can walk any distance at all.)

So this morning, at 5 AM, in the dark and equipped only with my astronomy laser pointer that I use to assist in keeping my rhythm and balance, I started walking.

I thought I would never make it to the corner. But, I kept walking. By the time I had gone a quarter of a mile, I could feel the adrenaline start to kick* in.* Very shortly after that I felt simply wonderful. I recognized it as the "runner's high" from my jogging days. My adrenaline was hiding my Parkinson's symptoms!* I felt absolutely clean and clear of my Parkinson's. *

Now, I have to admit that I have a significant loss in my hands of my fine motor skills. That seems to remain no matter how hard I try to work through it. If I persist, then my muscles fight each other, get very sore and I become very dyskinetic. (A little sip of wine takes care of much of that.)

However, it is a great finding that I can overcome many of my remaining Parkinson's symptoms by exercising and bringing up my adrenaline.

All it takes is courage on my part to persist and to work through it.* I'll rest tomorrow and walk again Saturday morning.

Have a great day!

Steve

Friends, Family, Stress and Parkinson's Disease Mar 24 2012

One of the realities of Parkinson's disease is that it has an effect on the adrenal system. I can no longer control my emotions like I once could. I went from being a type A personality to a nervous* wreck. I just cannot confront issues with the same fortitude as before.

I very much enjoy people but some seem to live in a constant state of anxiety. For some reason they seem unable to "smell the roses".

Over the years I have been very selective about who I call "friend".* I have never had more than five and now I only have one or two.* I do not treat the term lightly. To me a friend is forever. The word has a very special meaning.

*I now have this battle going on inside of me. Should I crawl into a cave?* Where has the civility gone?* Has the world gone crazy?

Well, no. It's the same world as before. It's the same people, sky, earth and sea.* Only I have changed.

So, if I disappear sometimes don't worry. I've only taken some time to stop, think, enjoy my family and smell the roses. I'll be back again to confront the world I love and the people that I cannot live without.

Steve

Afraid of the Snow Jan 13 2012

I woke up a couple of months ago to the sounds of a puppy and our much older female Labrador Retriever, "Pooh", who were engaged in a barking match in our living room. *

It seems* that my son and his girlfriend had fallen head over heels for the puppy.* They named him "Einstein". *

They brought him into our house to live temporarily until they could close on a home of their own.* I wasn't very happy about it at the time, but I've learned to pick and choose potential family arguments a bit more carefully over the years.

Well, Pooh can't stand Einstein at all so he spends way too much time by himself.* It's unfortunate because he CAN be a lot of fun.* He's a wild one.

An interesting thing has happened, though - I've begun to see some of myself in old, grumpy, intolerant Pooh.* It's not a pleasant discovery.

Unfaithful to his name, Einstein is a slow learner.* It took my son weeks to potty train him and he persists in annoying Pooh.* He is so full of life and we're really afraid that she's going to hurt him.* Unfortunately, growls, bared teeth and nasty looks don't phase him at all.* He remains a puppy.

Well, a couple of weeks ago something slowed him down a lot.* He literally froze in his tracks then came running back into the house after my son let him out to the back yard to make his "mark on the world" (I'll leave that imagery to your imagination).* He had encountered a very strange, cold, white powdery material on the ground beneath his feet.* It scared him pretty bad.

Needless to say, Einstein has learned to accept his new Winter play land.* It isn't nearly as bad as it first seemed.* It's actually pretty nice.* He loves it.

Well, as my disease progresses and I find myself concerned about what tomorrow might bring, I try now to remind myself not to be afraid of the snow.

Neither should you.

Steve

The Cicadas are Back Aug 08 2011

Something happened the other night that made me remember that certain dates hold a certain significance for me. Those events now seem to have established a pattern in my life that remind me that, indeed, things are as they should be. These patterns bring me a sense of comfort.

1959 was a year of the cicada. These insects re-appear on a 13 year cycle.* I was only 9 years old but I vividly remember finding their empty shells attached to the trees in our backyard. It fascinated me.* It still does.

1972 was a year of the cicada.* It was also the year that I graduated from college.* My wife and I were married the following year.* We are still together.
With the birth of our son in 1982, my wife and I* became parents to a wonderful child.* He was a significant, welcome addition to our lives and continues to be.* I am very proud of him.

Our daughter was born in 1984.* I wasn't sure at the time that I could love a second child as much as the first.* I was very much mistaken.* She was a joy to be around from the very first day.* She continues to be and I am very proud of her.

1985 was a year of the cicada.* My son was old enough that he was discovering cicada shells on his own.

1986 was the year that Halley's comet last graced our skies.* I was really disappointed at first because the cloud cover had blocked my view of it.* I was later awakened during a return flight from a business trip to Brazil.* It seemed that the entire flight crew was crawling over me to look out my window at 3 a.m. in the morning.* They couldn't see Halley's comet from the flight deck but could see it perfectly from my seat.* They asked me if they should awaken the rest of the plane with an announcement.* I answered, "Are you crazy?* Of course, you should!"

I asked my children to please think of me when Halley returns in 2061.

Our granddaughter, Kaelyn Jade, was born in 2010.* It was only a year ago that God brought this joy into our lives.

Oh, what happened the other night?* A very strange and loud but familiar buzzing sound woke me up.

The cicadas are back!

Family Pets Jul 16 2011

We had 2 dogs that have been members of our family for many years.* We lost the oldest one, a 17 year old Wheaten Terrier named "Dolly" this week.* Old age finally caught up to* her.* My wife, my 2 grown children and my son's girlfriend accompanied her on her final trip to the vet.
*We all miss her, of course.* I remember her mostly as a young, active pup who kept my children happy while I was away from home on business trips.* I also remember, with some embarrassment,* my tendency to growl at her upon my arrival home when she would inevitably happily welcome me at the front door.* Darn.
Dolly, thank you for bringing so much into our lives over the years.* You're already missed.
Steve


A Medical Tsunami Apr 12 2011

I saw my neurologist yesterday.** He admitted that he was in a bit of a bad mood.* It seems that many of the concepts and ideas that he and I first discussed as many as 5 years ago were* only* now beginning to be "discovered" by his colleagues.** He said he was taught the wrong things when he received his medical degree. * He was really discouraged.

As usual, though, he appeared to cheer up some as we talked about new concepts and ideas that are now only found on the fringes of science and mathematics. They will one day wash away the existing tired, stagnant institutions like a tsunami.* It's the way it always happens. Change rarely happens within an existing institution.* The ideas come from the outside. Out with the old and in with the new. It is often bloody.

It does* seem to be the major curse of humanity.* Once people achieve positions of power they will fight hard to remain there.* Even if it means the total destruction of their own institution, business, society or nation. It seems impossible but history has proven it over and over.

In science I am always appalled to see the same gasoline engine that first came into existence so many years ago. It has changed very little.* Our cars are basically horse-less carriages and our homes and structures are square boxes that lack appeal or imagination. Our mathematics is still based on mindless, linear concepts that nature discarded billions of years ago.

We're on the verge of another "tsunami moment" when the old institutions will be washed away. I don't know how our country will weather the storm.* I'm more than a little concerned.
We're on the verge of some major breakthroughs in science. The effect it's going to have on medicine will be mind-blowing. I'm hopeful that we'll have Parkinson's Disease figured out within the next 15 years.
Stay tuned.

Steve

A Test For Parkinson's Disease Jan 27 2011

My neurologist and I have discussed in great detail the potential value of the test that we have developed for identifying PD (as well as, perhaps, a few other disorders).* We have confirmed that* it appears to give accurate results, is quick and is very easy to implement.* Unfortunately, the Chaos Theory mathematics behind it is probably beyond the understanding (and therefore acceptance) of the majority of the medical community.* Identifying* PD by using such a simple method seems incredible even though the results appear to be sound.
*We've decided, therefore, to perform the mathematics on data from medical procedures already familiar to doctors.*
*We're still waiting for PD trial data to be released to us by a drug company.** It's taking months to obtain the data but we haven't given up hope.
*Stay Tuned!

A Loss Of Identity Jan 22 2011

It's 3:30 AM here and only about 3 degrees outside.* It's going to be another one of those sleepless nights.* I've tried everything but my mind just won't shut down some nights.* What makes it worse is that this is my "Off Time".* My Sinemet isn't working now so my tremor and muscle weakness make typing* (and everything else) difficult.
What keeps my mind upset, I guess, is partly due to my sense of loss. * I have been a development engineer, a* scientist, a singer, a songwriter, and sometimes a poet. I was always active.* Then I had to stop working 2 years ago.* Now my mind seems muddled and I can't take much stress at all.* I'm losing my identity.
It's frustrating.
I have, however, gained a much better understanding of the value of forums such as this one on this forum.* When I was young I didn't have a clue.
The people here give me a sense of community and value.* You are keeping me alive.
This is a sincere "thank you" to my friends here.* You remind me that we all matter.
Goodnight.
Steve

Birds, Spring and Storms May 15 2010

Every Spring the birds are attracted to our back porch light because it has a flat surface on the top.* They build a nest there every Spring and we get a lot of enjoyment out of watching them. Unfortunately, high winds invariably blow the nest off the light fixture when storms hit because it's a slick surface.* It's heartbreaking to watch.* We're thinking about replacing the light.
One thing that's interesting, though, is that we're blessed with lots of birdsong every morning.* As frustrating and* difficult as life must be for them they always find time to sing.

I'm a grandfather! Apr 23 2010

Kaelyn Jade was born this afternoon and weighs 6 lbs and 10 oz.* She is absolutely gorgeous!* (woo hoo!)* She's our first grandchild. My daughter is exhausted but looks great.

Working Towards A Test for Parkinson's Disease Mar 10 2010

My neurologist told me today that he is sending me the data from a clinical study so that I can begin our analysis.* By the end of the year we hope to have a paper written and ready for submission* to the medical journals for publication.
*
We've been working towards this for the past 5 years!* (woo hoo)

A Wild Ride Mar 01 2010

I received a PM last night from a young girl who is asking why she has been hurt so bad.* I searched my heart all night and can find no real answer for her.
However, it does seem to me that we wrongly believe that we were given control of this Earth and the universe and that they are somehow ours. * That is wrong.** We have been misled.* What I do believe is that we have stolen tickets on a wild, scary and often beautiful bus ride.* God has given us angels to help us through the difficult sections if we choose to accept their help.
*I believe that I've found many of those angels right here.
Hang on. It's getting bumpy from here.

Winter Aches Jan 16 2010

Living in a cold climate is okay if you're a penguin, I guess, or maybe even young and healthy.* If you have Parkinson's Disease every blast of cold air seems to be an assault.*
My muscles ache and seem to take forever to warm up in the morning.* My back is stiff.* My knees pop and crack. My shoulder is sore and the sun reflecting off the snow makes my eyes water and hurt.** Every time I use the snow blower on the driveway it takes me 2 days to recover.* Even the toes on my right foot hurt! (geez)
I'm becoming such a whiner!* I guess I'm ready for Winter to end already.* I'm in deep trouble if I'm correct and we're really headed into an Ice Age.* Maybe I'll grow fur.
Exercising helps, of course, but because of my poor balance deep knee bends, etc make me dizzy.* I still do them (sort of) but it must be funny to watch.* I do multiple laps up and down the basement stairs until my legs give out.* I lift a few weights on days that my right arm is less sore. *
I don't really "loosen up" until after about 10:00 a.m.** After that it's a matter of degree, I guess.* I'm amazed at what I call "good" nowadays.*
As always, as long as I'm moving I consider it a success.* Some days I feel like I win every battle but am still losing the war. For the most part, though, I manage to stay positive.* Denial can be a real friend.
I keep promising myself that I'll start jogging again but, frankly, I've been afraid of falling on DRY pavement.* Ice and snow seem impossible.** I walk a lot better using a laser pointer.* Maybe I should try running with it?
*Well, the football games are on today.* Go, Colts, Go!

Reflections Dec 20 2009

It's been an interesting year.* I spent last winter getting used to not having to get out of bed to go to work.* I never succeeded* in that.* I'm a morning person so I still wake up by 6:30 every morning.* I guess that's an improvement.* I used to get up at 4:00 a.m.* I worked 12 to 14 hour days for years!
The most difficult part of having Parkinson's was fighting with the insurance company.* So many times they had me yelling on the phone and they had my wife in tears.* I never really understood why people spoke so horribly about insurance companies.* Now I know.* The secret ended up being my final threat to hire a lawyer.* Wow. That was easy.* The "L"-word.*
It reminded me of the joke about the HMO director who died and found himself in front of St. Peter.* St. Peter said "Good news!* You made it to Heaven. "* The bad news?* "Unfortunately, you'll have to leave tomorrow."* (he he)
*The maddening thing about PD is that I normally don't look like I have an illness.* Plus, the harder and smarter I work to hide my symptoms, the more I worry about* getting a phone call from that darned insurance company!* (lol) Hey, numbskulls, there is no known cure for this. (geez)
*I still remember the last words from my ex-boss (thank God!) when he learned that I was leaving. I could barely stand up and my hand was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. * He said "you're NOT sick".
Some wonderful things happened to me this year.* My family continued to make me proud and I made some wonderful friends in the medical community.*
The best news of all?* My daughter is due to deliver our first grandchild in May 2010.* (woo hoo)
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the these forums.* I've so much enjoyed being a part of this and I have met some of the most wonderful people on earth.* It has brought something into my life that I never even knew was missing. I can never thank you enough.
Merry Christmas, Everyone!
Steve
*

Life is Good! Dec 02 2009

The muscle pain due to the Fenofibrate is pretty much gone.* The only thing left is the "numb shoulder" that is caused by my PD.* I've gotten used to it.
I sent the 3LTreport on the various vitamins, glutathione, etc, that we've studied to the Michael J Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.*
My neurologist and I will be applying for a research grant in a few weeks.** It's been a few years since we first started working on this and we want to make darned sure of our data and of our results.
Life is good!

Every day now is a torture - Thank you, Fenofibrate! Nov 22 2009

The muscles in my right shoulder are still very sore from the* damage done by my taking the Fenofibrate prescription for a month to help my cholesterol.* It's been a couple of weeks sinceI stopped taking the stuff but I still hurt.* Even typing this short paragraph is too much and I've switched to using my left hand only.*
My doctor told me that if Fenofibrate "had" worked that I would have appreciated how wonderful the stuff can be.* WHAT???Well, it did NOT WORK.* It did damage. I now understand better how the drug companies and their lawyers get away with selling these drugs.* I'm a statistic.* I don't impact their profit margins much.* (Sigh)
*On a happy note, we'll be applying for a research grant for our test for Parkinson's Disease soon.* It is looking very promising.* (hooray)

Hints From My Past, A Parkinson’s Patient’s Perspective Nov 11 2009

*Hints From My Past
A Parkinson’s Patient’s Perspective
February 16, 2008

Some things used to be fun. As a child I won EVERY staring contest. You know - how long could I keep my eyes open without blinking? But I cheated - I felt NO need to blink. No muss.No fuss. Easy.
I have the fine motor skills of a bull moose. Thread a needle? NO way.
How about balance? Well, I couldn’t walk a rail. Balancing on a board? Nope. Standing on my head terrified me. Gym class? Climb a rope? Trampoline? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love roller coasters. Every other carnival ride makes me sick. Diesel engine fumes and cigarette smoke make me nauseous. Remember the swinging pirate ship at the fair? I still call it the “vomit comet”.

In high school I took a skills test provided by Chrysler Corporation. It included math, square pegs and round holes. At the end of the day the Chrysler guy said “Steve, you tested as one of the smartest kids in the state”. Wow. I could almost feel my head swelling. Then, these words:
“...and you achieved one of the lowest scores for motor skills that I’ve ever seen.” Poof.
I guess my mom smoked heavily all during her pregnancy. By mountain standards she was an old lady of 15 when she married my dad. He was a former U.S. Navy test dummy. His ship, a destroyer, was at the Bikini Atoll atomic bomb test site. He told scary stories. He died of lung cancer a couple of years ago. I miss him.

In 1962 (I was an incredibly handsome boy of 12 <hehe>) we moved to Florida from Indiana. We kids used to run right behind the DDT fogging trucks during the hot summer nights. I still remember how DDT tastes.

You should read Rachael Carson’s book “Silent Spring”. Humans are a dumb species.
Okay. Enough rambling. A summary? Well, sure. In my VERY humble opinion, I was a Parkinson’s patient before I was born.
Steve

I love the Fall Oct 29 2009

Michigan is absolutely beautiful this time of the year.* The reds, oranges and greens beneath that blue sky really lift my spirits.
*I got ambitious this week and started a new exercise** regimen.* I started walking up and down the stairs to the basement.* I'm up to "5 loops" now. My legs feel SO tired and wobbly by the 4th trip but I'm able to complete the 5th, anyway.* I collapse into MY "Archie Bunker" chair and within 10 minutes I feel really good again.

Pompous Incompetence Oct 24 2009

I'm on medical disability from the U.S. auto industry.* Emotionally it is good for me because I am no longer impacted daily by the astonishing "pompous incompetence" of the engineering* management there.* The near total collapse of the former "Big 3" pretty much speaks for itself, I guess.* It was my "chosen profession".* So disappointing.* No need to speak further of it , I guess, but it does bother me some days. Memories can be a bad thing.
I'm generally disappointed* in much the same way with the U.S. medical establishment and the drug companies .* (The insurance companies are horrendous but they pretty much admit to that themselves.* At least they're honest, in a dishonest way, about their poor behavior and deceptive practices.)
I'd be stunned if I were to ever find out that any of my doctors actually spoke to one another about my medical condition and about what they have prescribed for me to take.* In fact, I'd probably go into total cardiac arrest out of shear astonishment.* It's just NOT going* to happen.* That's why I carry a list of my medications around with me.* Too bad that the list keeps changing. I can't keep up.
*Medical professionals sometimes seem totally unaware of the impact that even a "minor" change in my medications can have on the way that my system is balanced.* Even tiny changes can and DO have tremendous impacts.* But, some days, they seem to be oblivious to this. (sigh)
*I've learned not to* trust too many of these "professionals" but a rare few do stand out as being very good at what "they know".
* My current "crop" of doctors is probably the best that I've ever had.* It's funny but my favorite one is in the Philippines.* She's the doctor who was able to read my ECG.* Her and a nurse friend of mine.* That makes a "statement" all by itself.
*Oh, well.* I guess that my personal best health advocates are still "me, myself and I".
**

Life With Purpose, A Parkinson’s Patient’s Perspective Sep 25 2009

Life With* Purpose
A Parkinson’s Patient’s Perspective
April 29, 2008

I simply cannot imagine going through life feeling that there is no purpose to it. It would be terrible having no sense of self-worth. Having a reduced sense of personal value. Yet, there are people who have been convinced by others (trust me, this is NOT a self-inflicted wound) that they are somehow inferior. If you are one of those “others” I'd like to remind you that every religion on the planet imagines a future time of opportunity in front of God to discuss such things. If you don't believe in God then you have nothing to worry about. Right?

My earliest personal shame was turning my back on another child who was constantly mocked by others for being poor and wearing hand-me-down clothes. I had promised to be a friend and for the dubious honor of caving into peer pressure I have carried those feelings of guilt with me all of my life. We were poor, too. She was simply an easier target.
I guess I was hoping the “others” would stop making fun of me for my own strange behaviors. They didn't. I lost a friend and damaged my dignity for life to satisfy “others”. Good job.

Oh, what were MY behaviors? You know, Attention Deficit Syndrome stuff. Shaking my hands like a dog drying itself was one. Rolling my eyes upwards to look at invisible objects was another. Facial contortions, trouble staying on topic, etc, etc, were part of my huge personal repertoire.
I've waged a personal war every minute of my life attempting to control those impulses.

I am lucky. I was told by several church Sunday school teachers when I was a child that I was going to Hell. I had sacrilegiously worn short pants to a church picnic on an extremely hot Summer day. I thought it over, decided that God was an idiot, and spent the next 50 years of my life discovering God on my own. People are idiots. NOT God.

If you're of Christian faith you might want to read a translation of the Koran. Jesus and Mary are in there. If you're not a Christian you might want to read a few verses from the Gospel of Thomas. It's on the Internet. It's Gnostic Christian scripture. I'm a Gnostic Christian.

In case you're wondering why I bothered writing this, it is because I feel a heightened sense of urgency to share my personal knowledge of Parkinson's Disease with the world.

I always knew I had value but this is incredible. With your help we can beat this. With your help and understanding we can accomplish the impossible.

If you're one of those “others” then refer to Luke 4:8: “Get thee behind me, Satan!”

I hate anxiety attacks Aug 18 2009

PD has been an eye-opener.* Before being diagnosed of this almost 4 years ago I had experienced, at the most, 2 minimal duration anxiety attacks in my entire life. In the past 2 years, prior to thisweek, I've experienced 4 or 5 and all but one were of minimal duration.* Something set me off this weekend and I've been a mess for the past 2 days.* What's funny is that it wasn't until today that I recognized what it was <sigh>. I just took a Xanax and am already good again (yeah, "good" has become a relative term).* The worst thing about PD for me so far is that these emotions are really quite new to me.* Almost overnight I've gone from having a very strong disposition to something else. But, like always, I'll deal with it but, wow, what a shock.

[reverett123]

Steve-
Thanks for sharing your blog. Your story of your visit to Kentucky was especially touching to me as I am a native of East Tennessee and still live near Knoxville and the Great Smoky Mtns National Park. The people of the Southern Appalachians were like no other. Their spirit still lives but it has been diluted and scattered almost beyond description. They are people of honor and so poor that honor was all they had at times. The end of WW2 saw a mass exodus of Blacks from the cottonfields of the South and the poor Whites from the mountains of the Appalachians. `The latter was the Hillbilly Highway and many tears were shed along it. Grandparents stayed behind as parents headed north taking the children to what was hoped to be a better life in the mills and factories of Chicago and Detroit and the other blue collar meccas. Many are now returning. Older and broken, they seek the soil of their youth one last time. Oh, don't get me started....

[Songfellow]

Reverett, I'm happy it brought back good memories for you. Thank you for your kind comments.

Steve

[Aunt Bean]

Your stories touched my heart and I also mourn for the old cabins and beautiful mountains that have been destroyed in these hills. God Bless YOU for sharing.\ with tears, Aunt Bean

[Songfellow]

Originally Posted by Aunt Bean

Your stories touched my heart and I also mourn for the old cabins and beautiful mountains that have been destroyed in these hills. God Bless YOU for sharing.\ with tears, Aunt Bean

Aunt Bean, my mother is now in a nursing home and is rapidly losing her identity and her health because of numerous strokes. She didn't even recognize me the last time I was there.

Thanks to her my eyes tear up every time I hear a banjo. I was born a Yankee but my heart will forever belong to the South.

Steve

[Aunt Bean]

I am so sorry to hear of your mother....it is painful to lose a parent thru memory loss even before you have to give up physical contact. My mother didn't know me toward the end of her time on earth...and questioned my dad at times, also. I have been a caregiver since 1971 and so many of my patients had lost a lot of "who they were"...family was always saying..wish you could have known mom before this happened. They can still be a great joy though if you can accept them AS THEY ARE. This is what we all need , isn't it. Just trying to maintain a relationship is difficult sometimes, especially when you want "Them" back. Love her fully and tell her so...do all you can to make her days happy, and be strong. Keep all the wonderful memories and stories that she has shared alive in your heart. God Bless you Aunt Bean

[mshakes]

Hey guy's Newbie here - diagnosed with PD just two weeks ago. So far mt tremors are in my right hand. Starting to learn the hard way about rigidity, evrything feels tight, almost like I've been working out. My balance is a bit off but nothing severe yet.

I look forward to being a part of the family you guys created here. Thanks for accepting me, it's a bit scary when there are so many different symptoms. It's mind boggling how PD effects everyone in similar but at the same time differently.

I accept what I have but I'm a bit afraid to face it. I act strong in front of my wife and kids but I'm pretty ****! Im petrified!

[reverett123]

Welcome. However, unless you are absolutely sure, do yourself a favor and get a second opinion. You are starting a new life so be sure it is the right one. Mistaken DX is very high for PD with an "oops rate" of around 30% or so if I remember correctly.

Originally Posted by mshakes

Hey guy's Newbie here - diagnosed with PD just two weeks ago. So far mt tremors are in my right hand. Starting to learn the hard way about rigidity, evrything feels tight, almost like I've been working out. My balance is a bit off but nothing severe yet.

I look forward to being a part of the family you guys created here. Thanks for accepting me, it's a bit scary when there are so many different symptoms. It's mind boggling how PD effects everyone in similar but at the same time differently.

I accept what I have but I'm a bit afraid to face it. I act strong in front of my wife and kids but I'm pretty ****! Im petrified!

[mshakes]

Originally Posted by reverett123

Welcome. However, unless you are absolutely sure, do yourself a favor and get a second opinion. You are starting a new life so be sure it is the right one. Mistaken DX is very high for PD with an "oops rate" of around 30% or so if I remember correctly.

Thanks so much for getting back to my post. Unfortunately this was my 3rd opinion w/ DAT scan. Originally they thought essential tremors but the deciding factors to seek the DAT were - one sided tremors (my right), rigidity, and whenever I seem to lean forward I fall. The tremors are also constant. The mirapex seems to be helping a little but oddly enough I'm noticing more symptoms since daily dosing.

My wife also swears that my gate is off, she says I'm taking much smaller steps and I haven't noticed that myself.

[Tupelo3]

Originally Posted by mshakes

Hey guy's Newbie here - diagnosed with PD just two weeks ago. So far mt tremors are in my right hand. Starting to learn the hard way about rigidity, evrything feels tight, almost like I've been working out. My balance is a bit off but nothing severe yet.

I'm petrified!

Welcome to the forum mshakes! I'm relatively new here also. I've found this site to be a treasure trove for PD information and interpersonal support.

I've spent a lot of time today reflecting on my situation with PD as it is my one year anniversary since being DXed. My advice to you as a relatively new PWP is don't fear or worry about it. Accept that you have PD and then go live your life. Adapt when you have to, and then move forward as best you can. I'll let your docs give you advice on meds. But please, as much as possible, BE ACTIVE. Excerise has been proven in many studies to be helpful for PD, as well as your health in general. Tai Chi, dance, yoga, boxing, running, walking, whatever, just do it. Push yourself to do a little more than you really want to, because in the end, it will really help.

Good Luck!