I have started far too many threads, but I seriously need help. I am beyond terrified for this surgery coming up. I know that many of you have faced much more difficult things - but this is a near impossibility for me. I am about ready to cancel my surgery.

The pain gets worse nearly every day (today was about the same as yesterday, but yesterday was the worst that it has been). I am working, but am having extreme difficulty, mostly sitting at my desk these days.

I registered with another forum and they try to help, but my friends are here.

No one knows what is causing this, so this one obgyn wants to take care of everything, hoping that the cause will disappear. I wasn't prepared for that.

I am so terrified of going to sleep, of being hooked up in any way to any tubing, to having drugs pumped into me, of losing my memory (ie versed), of staying overnight - even of laying down in a hospital bed. I am going crazy.

I talked to my gp. She gave me a generic zanax. I have taken 1/2 of 3 pills in the last week. It takes 1 1/2 hours to get to sleep, but then I am drugged out for hours.

I talked with a friend who is a counsellor. I have so many issues that she is going to try to concentrate on just 2. Sleep, and getting me to feel that making a decision about surgery is empowering. I told her that I would try in the sleep dept, and would work on visualization (which I do anyway) but there was no way I would ever see making a decision about surgery empowering. I feel like a rat caught in a trap.

I used to use a wheelchair for shopping. Now that is too painful.

Anyway, if you have some other advice, please let me know.

mama

Hi Mama..I dont know what kind of surgery you are going for..Forgive me if Ive read about it somewhere and forgot..Ive got so much on my plate right now that I dont know which end is up..Surgery is scarey, period..If this surgery is going to give you a better quality of life, then there is definately some hope in it for you..You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you heal up quick and that the surgery solves whatever the problem is..This is not an easy road sometimes, and I certainly feel for you..If we only had the magic wand

Steve, you are always a friend to everyone. It is abdominal exploratory with a laundry list attached.

I hope that your life simplifies and improves, as you deserve it.
mama

mama,

I can undestand your anxiety. There is a possibiity of DBS in my near future and I will have similar issues. Hwever, there have been many situations in the past that terrified me. Learning to face the fear and do it anyway has helped me gain confidence.

Good luck
Mary

Thanks to both of you.

I did take 1/2 pill last night and slept from maybe 1 or 2 until 6:30 when the phone rang, and then went back to bed until 8:30, so that wasn't too bad.

It is nearly 2 now. If I take a pill, it won't really work until 3:30. I should be at work around 10 or 11, so that doesn't really leave enough time.

I am truly terrified of hospitals, and begged them to move this up. I have had this fear for many years and it continues to get worse. I can face my demons in a flight/fright reaction if I can get it done quickly (more fright than flight).

This all sounds so melodramatic, but since I have about 3 weeks left, I don't think my chances of making the actual surgery are real good right now. But that still leaves me with the increasing pain.

I am off to bed.

Dear Mamafigure, unless your doctors have rock sure reasons for performing surgery, I would, if I were you, avoid it at all costs. Unless you are more than 80% sure that surgery is necessary and that it will be of benefit to you, I think you are better off without such a drastic procedure. Unless several doctors - not surgeons but specialists in whatever you have that they feel must be explored by surgery - agree that this is a necessary last resort, I would beg out and cancel.
Try every other means of finding out what is giving you such pain before you resort to surgery. I can't begin to imagine what it could be, and it sounds to me as if the doctors have the same dilemma. In general I think exploratory surgery is a bad idea.
I am certainly all for necessary surgery, and would encourage you if that were the case, but in your case I think Rosebud's advice might help you more than the doctor's.
I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I hope you find the cause and resolve your problem successfully. In the meantime, I wish you strength and perseverance.

The very best wishes,

birte

I don't know the story behind this post, so I'm shooting in the dark. I would say you are sleep deprived out of your mind..literally. Sleep deprivation has a particularly vicious effect on our whole being and is a downward spin. It makes EVERYTHING worse. My advice is stop whatever your doing, take the sleeping pills and crash out for as long as it takes your body to restore itself. There is no substitute for sleep. The alternative is psychosis I believe and you don't want to go there! Once you've had the sleep you NEED the rest will fall into place. I'm not an educated expert on the subject, but I am an experienced expert! I've been to the edge of my mind and its not a place anyone should ever go. Do whatever you have to do to make your body sleep! Then sleep until you can't sleep anymore and you feel like your back in the real world
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good Luck and check in with us to let us know how your doing once your past this.