Hi All,

I know all of us here have urgent and pressing and immediate things to tend to, to worry about, that take up much or most of our day, and often leave little time for the leisurely consideration of things like how nice people are, or are not, to one another. I include myself among that group, as my wife nurses a broken foot unlikely to heal anytime soon, I see my orthopod this week about a possible torn rotator cuff (“can you lift boxes weighing 40 lbs or more“ it says on the SSDI questionnaire – “not anymore” I can answer with confidence). And we both struggle though our twelfth year post-dx with PD.

Nevertheless, I have been thinking about precisely that question over the last few weeks, and I wonder if anyone here has an opinion one way or the other. Simply put, do you think that people are becoming more civil, charitable, thoughtful, empathetic – in a word, “nicer” – to one another than they were say ten or twenty or thirty years ago. I am not talking about the more complex social relationships we have with relatives or close friends, or people that for one reason or another we know well. I am talking about how people who are more or less strangers to one another, people we deal with on the phone, at the grocery store or the Walgreen’s, who live down the street or in the neighborhood or across the hall, that you bump into (sometimes literally) at Best Buy or Target. Are these casual and seemingly inconsequential encounters, with nothing at stake except how pleasant or unpleasant the actual social exchange will be at the moment, becoming more pleasant? Are people showing greater “civility,” if you will, to one another?

As you may have figured out, my personal opinion is that they are. I also think these little moments of “civility,” “generosity,” “niceness,” whatever you want to call them (I think of them as instant deep eye-contact moments), occur most often between one individual and another individual. Group encounters tend to change the context from one of possible momentary intimacy and exchange (a real smile, lightness in tone, vulnerability and trust as you get your receipt or make way for another cart in an aisle) into “group” affairs which involve more generalized attitudes toward categories of people and often skew our expectations and therefore the encounter itself.

I used the words “seemingly inconsequential encounters” deliberately, because while each individual moment or encounter as I have described it does nothing more than brighten your day or make a transaction with someone you may never see or talk to again easier or smoother, taken together they make me wonder if there isn’t, underneath all the turmoil of politics and social policy debates, a growing feeling among ordinary folks – even if it’s under their conscious radar - that, as John Lennon said, “I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.” That we recognize that we are together in ways both obvious and mysterious, and that we are the better for it.

Seems like a kind of seasonal question, which is okay, but Tiny Tim aside, does anyone agree, disagree, or have any thoughts along these general lines?

Thanks and Happy Holidays,

Greg

PS - This post was prompted in part by the recent and astonishing report in the New York Times that stranger-to-stranger homicides in NYC are projected to total 35 for all of 2007. In a city of 8 million people. The lowest annual total since they started keeping records in the early '60's.

Greg -

No, I don't think they are becoming nicer. Nor do I believe they are becoming meaner.

Wondering if it is because you have time now to slow down (and a body that is slowing down), reflect more, and can (and want to) pay attention to the details (the writer's eye and ear?) that you are noticing that by and large, people are nice. And I think that the life you lead is one that attracts niceness - but nice has always been there.

Maybe society feels a little nicer - my theory is that they, we (Americans) are tired of the uncivil and polarizing Bush years - not to mention a war nobody really wants. Hatred is wearying (this echos your Lennon paragraph).

But on a face to face basis, I think that most people are nice - and always have been.

Or the equivalent :-)

I think that people, given a clear and finite opportunity to be kind, are happy to help. I base this on a six-month period when my wife was in a wheel chair. I would push her about when we went shopping. People really did love to get the door for us. I would observe their faces and you could almost see the thought process:

1) Uh oh! Scary reality! That could be me! Helpless before Fate! Avert eyes? Pretend I am safe?.....
2) ....Wait! Something I can do! An act of power! To make things better - less frightening! The door! I can get the door! I am not helpless - WE are not helpless!

Again and again. Young thugs to old ladies. They WANTED to help. There is hope.

BTW, take a look at http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/compo...page/Itemid,1/

It is a good way to start the day. Stories of ordinary people taking on the universe a little piece at a time and making a difference. Originally, I admit to having curled my lip in cynical wisdom. I got hooked quickly after reading this one-
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asi...ic/7096867.stm

Rick - oh my god! that shed story is amazing! talk about taking control of your own life - and coming up with a communal, practical, positive answer to a dreadful social and personal problem!

I think you are right about helping.

Also, Mrs. Robinson certainly was nice (in the beginning) to Benjamin when Simon and Garfunkel wrote the lyrics "koo koo kachoo," but the Lennon/McCartney equivalent might be "ob-la-di-ob-la-da" with the appropriate line: "Happy ever after in the market place, Molly let's the children lend a hand."

...then you probably weren't there You are right, of course. Both duos were genius (goodness, what is the plural? geni? )

The shed thing is great, isn't it? It certainly would be a good way to welcome the military back, wouldn't it? Any number of groups could benefit from such a simple thing. -Rick

I agree with RIck. People do want to help. One needs to learn the ways to signal that its ok. You get pretty good at picking out the kind faces.

Charlie

Greg - maybe this time of year there are more demonstrations of nice because we have heard since birth (and I can only assume this applies even subliminally to persons of every religion, at least in the U.S., because it is a ubiquitous, secular holiday tune), that "he's making a list, and checking it twice - he's going to find out who's naughty or nice", so we are automatically on our best behavior?

Regarding sheds - the beauty of the concept is that they seek out the sheds themselves. There would be an outcry if we delegated delapidated buildings (Walter Reed) as veteran rehab centers. But it is a great example of one thing that is important to good mental health - social contacts and friends - and that it doesn't take a state-of-the-art facility to make it happen.

Regarding the song writing genius(es): yes, they did exhibit true genius - but it is kind of funny that we are quoting "koo koo kachoo" and "ob-la-de-ob-la-da" as the example. Or is it because of their genius that they could get away with it?!

Regarding the 60's: I lived through them ages 3-13 - my mind altered only by youth!

http://www.ajc.com/living/content/li...real_1121.html