I would NEVER have gone to that store right next to the liquor store if I had not felt strong and in a good frame of mind. OMG.... that was so difficult! I had a mini anxiety attack when I got home and am still reeling. I have clonepin here and if I can't settle down I will need take one. That urge was so powerful and came outta no where. It was frightening!
It is so confusing that in addiction we crave the very thing that makes us so ill and unhappy. Deep breathes and this posting has been helpful. I will skip the clonie but will need to be more mindful in where I go shopping. Lesson learned.

As I previously smoked 2 1/2 packs of cigarettes a day (haven't had one in several years); but out of no where comes this urge. But I/we know we can't even have one or it's all over and would rather not have to start again at day 1.....

Gerry

I haven't visited for awhile so I had a lot to get caught up on! It is true this is a great site to come to for support. No one judges. We've all had our own demons and we are all human. I just wish I was more of a positive person so I could provide more uplifting words here - I was born to a father who basically all my life, told me I wouldn't be worth a crap, and my mother never really corrected him (I imagine she was too scared to do so) - but those feelings of worthlessness don't ever really go away.

I wanted to throw my 2 cents in about opioids. I've had a few surgeries in my life (not related to my alcohol or any substance abuse). The first one, as an outpatient, I was prescribed Vicodin. I wasn't planning on taking it at all, because of the infamous Brett Favre (American football player) addiction. Well, nighttime after the surgery came, and I was IN PAIN. I took the recommended dose and it did...NOTHING for me. I took another pill...NOTHING. I threw them away and took Ibuprofen. It was a long time ago, but I imagine I probably self-medicated with beer.

My next surgery was fairly major, and it occurred just when opioids were becoming a really scary addictive drug. My surgeon prescribed OxyContin. Again, I was VERY wary about taking it, but they basically made me take a dose before I left the hospital, and sent a month's worth home with me, along with 2 more refill opportunities. Guess what? It did: NOTHING for me. So I didn't take any more.

Strange, I know. Maybe because my mind was so fearful of adapting an addiction? I just thought I'd provide a different perspective. How can alcohol be so gripping and opioids do not a dang thing for me? After the posts I have read here, and the stories I hear day in and day out about the opioid crisis we have in America, I think I'll consider myself VERY fortunate.

Parents have a way of unwittingly or sometimes willingly sucking the life from us. You are your own person now, and what you write of on here shows positivity for many. Not everyone will succumb to addiction to opioids. For some reason the opioid crisis in the US seems to have eclipsed and masked the legal alcohol service and problem it too is causing. Thank you for contributing, everything on these NT threads I believe adds value to someone's journey at sometime.

I resemble this remark. I broke both my hips a few years back and pain meds didn't even touch the pain. I dropped them after day 2 and went for Vodka....that worked.

I am one of the fortunate that does not take ANY medication at all, zero, not even aspirin.

I could care less about drugs (hard or soft) or tobacco...but that alcohol....wowzer.

Fascinating how it affects us all in different ways.

After yesterday my confidence is badly shaken. I felt like I had absolutely no will of my own and I came so very close to going into that liquor store. I had much to do outside my home today but I don't dare leave my dwelling. I trust nothing just now and am still freaked out.

Great to hear from all of you,....your struggles and successes. As for me I am just waiting for some improvement in my PN but it started 8 years ago so I can't expect it will quickly improve, if at all.

Just for today.....

SC; keep that thought...

There are days DB won't leave the house, I know they represent days of inner struggle. SC! Nothing wrong with staying inside, what needs doing outside will still be there tomorrow or the next.

Bring your dog inside and if into music pump up the volume, if you're a sit back and watch the TV, grab the dog and sit on the couch and kick back. I'm not sure why but DB finds Dry Ginger Ale or Ginger Beer mixed with orange, apple or mango juice soothes his often fractured nerves.

It's ok to be freaked out, it was an experience come upon you completely out of the blue. They are unsettling, and the feeling may well remain for a few days. But you did it, you white knuckled it out, so well done. Be kinder to yourself and less judgemental. Life is what it is, these addictions chose us, we didn't knowingly put ourselves out there and invite the devil into our own private hell. It will take time to recover. PN is a strange beast. Dad had it from 50 to 89, he refused to allow it dictate what he could and couldn't do. He was incredibly strong. I like to think I draw my strength from him. If you have a positive role model in your past, can you draw on them to help, if not an actual phone call, then just the thought. I have a felt heart at present given to me when I was last in hospital. (I posted a photo of it on one of the threads I contribute to) For some reason it's come to represent my dad, when I'm feeling angst, severe pain or an outright panic attack, I find holding the heart and smoothing/ rubbing it between my fingers brings me a sense of calmness.

Needs must, do whatever you need to do my friend, whatever you need to do to help you get through one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Hang in there

Love, love, LOVE this group!
I am ****** that alcohol put me in that crazy head spin and took my power away from me for a time but I am restored and pushing onward.
Money is very tight here so I must be very frugal but I found a cheap deal on a gym and will be joining today. I don't get out and walk much because no where nice to walk and also my fear of falling, but with the tread mill I can hold onto the supports and the bikes would be safe. I have much atrophy and muscle wasting and I am hoping I can build some muscle to help with the terrible debilitating weakness. It has to get better from here.

I was on the internet last night looking for success stories and reassurance that alcoholic neuropathy can be reversed but as always the info out there is mostly very discouraging. Those that report recovery or great improvement are very young with early onset or acute, as opposed to chronic. This terrible burning is fairly new so maybe this can be improved and my hope is that if I can build up my muscles, that will only help with the weakness. That is the goal anyway.

I am so grateful to have this forum to share. Hoping you are all happy, staying active, and enjoying life.

Gerry you had a very good reason for getting the urge completely out of the blue. But, and it's a big but, you stayed true to yourself and commitment. Well done. Hope things are on the better for hubby