Right now I'm the only bread winner. My husband could NEVER make what I'm making. I just got promoted too. My job really isn't super stressful, and I don't have to be on my feet at all, so if I can get a handle on my wrists during the day, I'll be fine (for at least a little while). But if it gets worse, then who knows. I live in NorCal, which is expensive to live, but worth it. I'm getting a medical settlement soon, so depending on how much I get, there is always a possibility of moving to a cheaper area, but I need to be around city life. He'd be happy in the sticks. But I will have to evaluate all that once I find out what's really causing all the PN.

My husband's issues are once in a while, he has SAD so it's worse this time of year, he'll be at least a little better in a month or so. His mom had early onset Alzheimers, and him seeing me like this reminds him of her, which is totally stupid, but at least he can admit that. But he flat out doesn't want to help with a lot of things (like cooking). We've talked about how he needs to step up his help. I wish he'd get a job, but our daughter needs so much attention. He has caregiver burnout from being a SAHD, so maybe that's why he's treating me the way he has? I just wish I could fully get through to him.

While I cannot really bring myself to comment on an unsympathetic husband, I will say this:

Make sure you have control of YOUR money/earnings....this is very important.

From what I see here in this post, you need to protect your income, and future. If you have to, seek a family attorney and make sure your unsympathetic husband cannot get to the family funds. In my long life I have seen many horrible situations, that
occurred because this was not done by the female breadwinner.

I'm surprised to hear he isn't working but refuses to help with cooking etc. I don't know what to say except this is too much pressure on you. Most of the time my husband is great with me. It is just every now and then that he gets cranky. If you have insurance maybe you may want to try counseling. Sometimes men need a third party to tell them what they understand the problem is. Good luck with everything.

He won't go to counseling with me at all. I already know that I have a choice to put up with him or kick him out. Right now I need him. In a couple years maybe not so much as my daughter will be older. The other day I yelled at him because I needed help cutting potatoes and he was playing some stupid video game. He didn't move at all. No response from yelling. I really don't know why he won't help me with dinner. He claims he can't cook, but I can give instructions and he still won't help. My daughter won't help much either, but at least I know she has a developmental disability. I'm pretty sure he does too, but won't admit it.

The money I will get soonish will be for me, he will get his own settlement. I'll put it in an acct with my name only. I will talk to my lawyer and make sure it's protected for me. He won't fight for it, he doesn't fight to be able to see his son right now, he's too lazy and disorganized to take care of himself at all.

I just keep thinking about all the automated things I need to get, can openers, tooth brushes, vacuums, etc. If I do kick him out, I'd be on my own, so either way I need to learn to do this crap by myself. He's proven that he can't support me when I need it.

My husband and sons are pretty supportive, but I have always been a SAHM. If your symptoms do turn out to be CMT, you may need pharmaceuticals, there is nothing but palliative care. Type 2 here, similar progression, but further along than you. It is always progressive. Cutting potatoes is nearly impossible, but for some reason men and boys find it very difficult to learn.

I am planning on getting a cleaning woman. Is that a possibility for you? I also have a son with Aspergers Syndrome ( high functioning autism), but he is 28 and teaches in China. He inherited it, along with CMT, from me.

Yes, I want to get a cleaning person as soon as I can afford it (I'm really close right now). I also need to figure out more ways to be able to cook without it being too much of a burden on me. It's hard because I don't eat many pre-prepped meals, most have onions and meat. My daughter and husband are vegetarians and I'm allergic to onions. I think, at least at this point, I need to do more Sunday cooking, while my hands aren't overworked because of my job. I need to figure out what I can make and freeze, it's not easy in our house. At least my daughter watches me cooking, she'll be able to really help out in the next few years, right now she's still too young to do things like cook with oil or take things out of the oven.

Sigh...as you all know too well, this seriously sucks.

Oh my, I hear you about the cooking. I am home all day and I still dread it. After 30 years i feel burned out on cooking, but there are still four other people here who expect to eat several times a day. It does seem to be a choice between eating unhealthfully and exhausting ourselves, there are so few easy, healthy options. Trying to navigate a vegetarian menu, where effort, frequent shopping, and creativity have to make up for the easy "slab o'meat " that my guys prefer, makes it even harder. Almost everything vegetarian is better prepared on the spot, except for soups and stews. You probably need your weekends to rest as much as possible. Do pasta dishes work well for your family?

I think I hate food shopping even more than cooking. That, at least, I am able to push off on the guys if I am organized about it.

Hi Choas. I can not put myself in your shoes, except for the wrists issue. Mine have gotten so bad as of late that I can not work at the moment. I luckily have wonderful support from my family. It really sounds like communication is the key for you. (as it is with most relationship issues.) Even with the wonderful support I recieve, I often find it hard to communicate with my partner about what is going on with me. It's no fun to talk about depressing pain, or fears, or anxiety, or any number of the negatives those with chronic pain face daily. When I feel myself getting to the breaking point, I write a letter. I am too emotional by this point to even remember all the things I would want to say, let alone express appropriately. If nothing else the weight of carrying that burden is lifted. Perhaps this advice can assist you.
If you are the only one with income, do you not control the video game options in the household? Cutting off the internet, removing the gaming system? If your Husband can't tear himself away from his game to offer you respect, is that the same care he provides for your daughter? (from the gamers I've known - they do not change behavior from the game no matter the person requesting attention.)
You sound like you have all the power to change your relationship, but relinquish it all willingly. It sounds like there maybe more to your story history of abuse/self esteem issues? Perhaps if you can not convince him to go to couples therapy, you may still find a benefit from individualized therapy (even if there isn't more to your story).
One last tip, a friend of mine doesn't do a lot of cooking herself. Instead she orders pre-prepared meals that are frozen and then she just heats them in the oven each night. They're not like pre-packaged, & full of preservatives frozen tv dinners, they are more like some grandma's catering business freezes family meals tht you eat within the week. Perhaps something like this would come in helpful, even if it's only for a few nights a week on those nights you just can't find the strength to make dinner.
If all else fails, start feeding them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you ask for help and he doesn't. If you ask for help, he declines and then you complete the task anyway, you are reinforcing the belief that you didn't really need the help in the first place. (Even though we both know mom's will hurt themselves first to provide for others.)

Wow.....I feel really bad for you. You NEED support from him. This is so hard to deal with and he needs to have compassion for you. I hope things get better for you. DO you have a crock pot? There are alot of crock pot meals you can make without having to chop things up.

Yes, but I live with vegetarians, and I'm super picky. There aren't a lot of things I can make in a crock pot that we'd eat.