http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread202686.html

This is a really nice thread dealing with a topic in a sensible rationale manner . The fact that nobody is blindly crying out "dont do it" shows that we have all perhaps considered our own mortality at length

"The despair has changed the person I am. People can see it, sense it, feel it"

That one line for me summaries who I am and I have always said that people with Pn lead lives of quite desperation. Not a nice way to live

personally I no longer fear things related to death. for example, A sudden chest pain no longer triggers panic. My plane getting caught in an electrical storm in violent turbulence triggers a silly grin LOL.

The thing is thoughts of Suicide can bring a feeling of peace and contentment . Its a fact that a large portion of people who suicide are hugely relieved once the decision is made and probably the reason why people say " I cant believe he/she did that because they looked so happy"

But we all push on in the hope that the next few years will produce some type of cutting edge research into pain control

Not much more can be said.
Your family still appreciate you.
I grew up with a mother in chronic pain with no hope of change. Ever few years they would perform a chordotomy (spelling?) to relieve some symptoms but naturally it added now issues. She knew one day should would be a quadriplegic and have to be in care.
She did manage to inspire many people over the years and was a strong advocate for euthanasia. As kids we learned to roll with the good days and bad. A lot of our friends would get a shock when they understood in our teens years what that sort of life was really like.

But it helped to make me who I am today and I'm grateful she never gave up along the way.

Like others when you need to find a way to vent and let it out and I hope it helps you to gather the strength to move forward and find the joys still in your life.

Your post could not have come at a better time. So many of us want to say the same thing at times and just reading the encouragement others have for you is uplifting to so many.

Thank you for having the courage to put it out there. I feel for you literally. My own children are what keeps me at bay so many days when I feel like there is no way out.

It is a blessing to have so many people on this forum who care and who post their knowledge so that maybe, maybe one day a lightbulb will go off for you and something will make yours and mine a better quality of life.

XoXoXo,
Cat