Over the last year I have been increasingly tripping over things.
I figured I was clumsy.
Over the last few months, I have been tripping over things I have tried to avoid tripping over.
I thought it was my glasses.
This weekend, I tripped several times, while watching my feet try to clear an obstacle...like the lawnmower cable I simply tripped over. I saw it, I overcompensated for it, and still tripped on it.

My husband was watching me, and flatly said, "I saw that coming".
I said, 'Great, I didn't, what did I miss?"
He said 'You either misjudge the distance you really need to lift your foot or you know the distance, your leg just doesn't do what you want it to."
I didn't misjudge the distance...
my leg just didn't do what I wanted it to do.
I put in the appropriate amount of input to move that foot, it just did not move where it was supposed to go.

It wasn't about pain, it was about a foot not going where it needs to go....it was about mobility, ambulation, balance....about CONTROL.

Today, I went to an orientation for a voc school program I was planning on attending this fall, as I can't do my former profession and I do not want to invest more in graduate school...too old, too sick, and frankly what interests me would take starting totally over, and I would not pay off student loans before I died. And no, baby boomers are not in demand in the workplace, and self employment is not always a dependable income.

I get there to 'register' and get an 'orientation', and they spring a typing test on me....now, up till the last 3 months I could really bang away on the keys...I know that 50wpm is not an issue.

Except that lately, when I hit a key, there is a blank ...or I hit a key and 3 of that letter appear, even 4, even 5...greatttt.

Other than my medical tests....I have never flunked a test, except a few math ones in high school, but that doesn't count, as once you pass the half century mark...high school might as well have been the dark ages.

I have realized that my fingers are not working very well lately, but did not realize that they were THAT impaired. I was shocked. I only missed by 4 errors, and they were very supportive, and given that there was simply no using my pinky and it was all red and bent anyway, not to mention, it simply did not respond to the command center.... they told me I have a year to pass this test...they were very nice. They suggested a typing course to some folks, but for me....after I told them I had neuropathy, the typing class is not going to help...not to mention, if I had known I was taking a typing test, I would not have worn no-line bifocals...I would have just worn my +275s.

Eh, fine I can pass it, thing is...do I really want to do this for a living??? Do I really want to do this now??? Do I want these hassles in my life given what I know about my history and what I do not know about my future.

Then a cute little girl comes in and says she just got this job at this attorney's office....great, I know this guy who hired her and I get the chills....again, dark cloud floats over....am I in the right place at the right time, I ask myself? Do I really need to put out all this money and time, because I want to improve myself???? When I am haaving trouble typpping?

I would rather raise sheep, I think.

My grown daughter calls me with her dilemma about where she is going with her life...man, she has travelled all over the world, is a lovely, a phenomenally gifted athlete, scholar, etc....I explain that I would like my life to be more than just fighting battles with windmills or dragons....sheep are nice, meek, and cuddly...so are llamas. The worst that can happen is I get bit or kicked or spit on. That is minor given some of my employment situations, not to mention some both personal and professional encounters with doctors.

I tell her about my day, and she says....'take ballroom dancing instead...well, maybe not, take a horticulture class....sheep tie you down.'

Maybe it is just a Monday....