The "helper" is her husband. They're both middle age and don't want children. SO, his hugging "There, there" is the help she and he needed at the moment.

I agree that not every problem has a solution. Sometimes all we can do is accept what is, and move on, even when "what is" is terrible beyond our worst expectations or belief. Elie Weisel wrote about admiring the beautiful spring flowers and smelling them with delight in Auswitz as gas chambers and ovens continued their industrial slaughter.

If she doesn't want children what is she whining about??

Now that is POOR communication on her part. Either you want a kid or you don't...and you should probably make sure both of you are on the same page at the beginning..I do hear the irony in the cartoon tho...sometimes we do not know what it is that we really want.

I also have to comment on the MEN in prehistoric times 'taking' women...on the contrary, we have found North American Indigenous Peoples, passed on their goods, matrilineally. (I hope I spelled that one right.) Yes, men moved in with the woman's family, as they owned the house, the dogs, the hides, and whatever else one needed back then...he became part of her clan.

I think that is really interesting, given mitochondrial DNA is of course, all matrilineal. (Oh and get this, when the woman got sick of the man, she just put whatever she felt was 'his' stuff outside the tent and he was free to go. I bet this did not happen often) They also were tolerant of 'alternative' life styles as well...Men however, have 33% more muscle strength in general than women. They have bigger brains for body size. Thing is, how much of either brain or brawn we use affects performance. Female premature babies survive more often, women tend to live longer, and we probably are used to dealing with conditions like anemia and deprivation better. I can tell you I would certainly prefer to be lost in the woods with a man, than a gaggle of women...It pays to have the advantage of differences in some areas.

Of course we have differences. For example, why are women more prone to autoimmune disorders, well, our immune systems must adapt to a foreign object and nurture it for 9 months....you better believe our immune systems work different, or there would be no Marses or Venuses to debate this.

Men tend to resolve issues in more physical domains, and females tend to talk, socialize or gossip out the problem. Neither is really better....a konk on the head or kick in the butt is sometimes less painful than a terrible social snub.

By saying women are all nuturant, it is like saying all men are insensitive. I think we are all on a continuum. Nothing is meaner than a mother protecting her young...just happen upon some type of nest, and you will likely wish you hadn't, even given the diminuitve size of the animal...

Women have been heavily utilized in roles in this present war...can they fight hand to hand and win?...Probably not, can they aim with precision and fire, yes they can! They have had a higher rate of PTSD upon return, however that may simply reflect their willingness to seek help. Most women know how hard it is to get that hubby to the doctor. In my household, getting men to a medical provider is like pulling teeth.

My son had a child die in his arms in this war....I do not think you will find a man more affected by that horrible scene than him...worse yet, he nurtured that child for almost 6 months, giving him money etc, to help his family.

I have found some of the men on the forum as nurturant and helpful as the women. I have also unfortunately encountered the opposite, but not often. I have seen some of the women as factual and informational without the hugs, as the men, however, there is likely some gossip exchanged on PMs....I don't know.

Women tend to be the emotional barometers of their families...we do, in general, have the ability to sense the unseen and unspoken. That doesn't mean we don't offer solutions, or that men are total insensitive geeks.

I think we had better ALL get along the best we can. In general, I think we do, pretty well actually. It is amazing.
If we need information, let's be clear and ask.
If we need support, lets ask.
If we need a kick in the butt, let's ask.
If we want to whine and say nothing works...fine, but we may not get a reply, unless some one feels that nurturing will help when other things haven't.
If we see irony and humor, let's share it.
If we have inspirational stories, let's share them.

Remember we can always PM someone with more personal thoughts of support, and I find that PMs work better that way....The whole world for perpetuity, does not need to know I offered some one an emoticonic hug.

It is possible to be on the net, and not identify gender, and I do not know the gender of some contributors, that is fine, unless, I am trying to assist with some type of information that might involve gender.

On the net, we don't have the advantage, or disadvantage of body language or expressions, so sometimes things get misinterpretted.

I don't think it is ever appropriate for one member to bash another by name on this forum or any other in threads...if one has a beef, tell that person....'We are having a disagreement'...not 'so and so is insensitive'...

I do think I am one, along with a few other females who were dubbed 'insensitive' not too long ago. I personally, think it was ridiculous, however, not every one thought along the same lines, and it was probably painful for some members to be slandered here and on other forums by screen name.

BTW, you, David, would certainly be the kind to debate it out face to face on here, that is called personal integrity, and you have it...so do most of us on here. I respect that, and it means I can respect your opinion on matters. I think at times, we also, agree to disagree on points and move on.

We can dwell on our differences or we can unite in our similarities.

I prefer to enjoy everyone's personalities, every ones info, and 'hear what I want to hear and disregard the rest'...la la la..(old song)

Yep, David we are all different, and gender is one thing that makes us different....thank goodness for that. One only has to read the thread where lawn care help ws discussed to see how much gender matters, and is a source of both enjoyment and frustration.

We must not forget Marie Curie was a woman, and it doesn't get much more clinical, practical AND probably sensitive.

I'd like to ad my two cents worth, if I might. Although there is some genetic predisposition in the male/female species.....I would like to remind those on the other side fo the aisle that.....all men are not knuckle draggers with stinky feet! In my profession, as a probation offficer, I work with men and women with very strong personalities. You almost have to be predisposed to that type of person to just deal with our "clients". I find, that the spouses of my female co-workers, tend to be rather passive and easy going. They certainly do compliment their wives, as do the wives of the male probation officers. That is a general statement, but it does hold some validity overall. I know that I am a strong individual who is opinionated and not afraid to be decisive and take control (trying hard not to be controlling)! But, I also enjoy art fairs, shopping, and gardening! I do all my own shopping for clothes, and have assisted my wife in her wardrobe. I planned the landscaping for our yard, and did most of the interior design in our home. Again, a rabid sports fan, but not afraid to wash a load of clothes or do the grocery shopping. I think the whole male/female thing is just more complex than some think.

i do all the shopping, food and clothes, all the laundry, most of the dishes, half of the cooking, take care of the pool, pick up the dog poop, maintain the cars, and i like mysteries. Quite a bit of the "women's" domain there. At the same time all of the jobs i have had are/were considered mens jobs or macho type jobs. People on the individual level are so complex that they many times defy all classification.

Well I broke my toe doing rock work! LOL

I have noticed with time that my husband has become much more domestic.
This summer we will have been married 39yrs. He now even does some cooking.

We too divide tasks. I have become more decisive with time (although professionally I always was).

When my son was a baby and little, I did all the infant stuff. I make all the medical decisions, most of the food choices, and clothes picking. My husband hates to buy clothes, and I have to browbeat him somewhat to get that done.
So he has limited types of clothes because I won't nag him much. I'll finegle him into a Kohl's and BINGO-- gotcha! (best done during sales) He however deals with the bills mostly..since I get reactive about $$ sometimes.(he is calm about it).

Both of us are bookworms --he more than I-- but both of us read mysteries.
(He likes the more macho types). I suppose he is rather a "passive" sort of guy since his ego is not huge, and he is not bossy and does not tell me what to do unless I really need it! LOL He knows that I can take care of myself most of the time and he lets me. My husband loves pets, and our cats just love him (sometimes shamelessly). My guy is very considerate, and he even rescued me at the hospital Monday, where I got "stuck". The huge complex discontinued the shuttle unbenknowst to me, and I had to park in a structure far away from my Lab goal, so I called him up and he came and got me and took me to my car (I walked the 1 mile plus but couldn't make it back on a fasting requirement--he even brought me a Coke)..and didn't even berate me! That is true LOVE! LOL I call it Gray Haired LOVE!

--both from my educational training in psychology and sociology, and through long experience teaching/counseling, that men and women, fundamentally, are more alike than many people think (or than many people would LIKE to think).

There are research-documented average gender differences in such areas as visual/spatial processing, functional vocabulary, upper body strength, and a few other dimensions--most obviously, reproductive. But the variation WITHIN each gender on most measures is much greater than the average differences between genders.

I do get suspicious when claims come out for huge differences between genders on the emotional/intellectual level, or for various "skills". I've speculated (in my dialectical way) that there's a lot of money to be made in convincing men and women that they are very different (witness the whole Venus/Mars literary industry) and that they need very different products, services, and the like. (Not as much money to be made from only one cosmetic or shampoo line.)

I think, in the end, we are all part of the same species, and that men and women's "differences" are more individual than gender-based. So many of the previous posts here point to that--and yes, I too was a stay-at-home parent to my son, as my flexible work schedule permits me to do most of the housework, cooking, laundry, and PTA-ing. (I don't let my wife near a checkbook--but that's not a gender thing, it's an individual lousy-at-math thing.) My wife is the far more accomplished athlete, though.

In the end, men are from Earth, and women . . .are also from Earth.

"I don't let me wife near a checkbook"......let? Hmmmmm....something to ponder.

I will never forget (about a year ago), when Alan looked up at me right after dinner and said "I'll have my coffee now".

He never said it again, believe me!!!!

He makes his own. Believe THAT!!

mel

Glenn's comment about his wife and checkbook is amazingly clear to me. It's not a control thing. More than likely it's because she can't balance one.

My math education was sadly neglected. And while I understand the whole concept of the check book and what it is for, I have yet to be able to balance one. My husband doesn't object to my writing checks, it's just that he is the one who balances the thing. I can't seem to do it unless I do it electronically. And yet for many, many years, I was in charge of keeping aircraft records (yes,... lots of numbers) for a large company and was audited and always was near perfect, I still can't balance a checkbook. Simple arithmetic.

For years, I did the wallpapering, interior painting, worked a full time job with lots of overtime, cleaned a 4 bedroom house, raised two boys, (was the only woman in a house with 3 males and all of this at the same time. I bought all the clothing, made all the doctor's appt, planned and cooked meals and decorated the house. In return he worked about the same hours, did the yard work until the boys got old enough to help, did repair work around the house (only after I told him it was broken beyond usage), and managed our major finances for investments. I paid all the bills until I retired when I handed it over to him and told him it was time for him to do it. Remember...I can't balance a checkbook.

I saw so much similarity in Mrs. D's, Cyclops, and GlennT's posts. So much that seems so like my husband and self.

We are a couple that is well matched. He is passive, introverted and shy. He is extremely smart, multiple college degrees and still wants to learn everything he can. I am a typical Leo, outgoing, tempermental, never met a stranger and wants to run the world! All in all, it comes down to this. Finding the right match.

Men are men and women are women. Seems so simple, doesn't it?

Billye

Hey Mrsd...we are not married to the same man are we???

We are going on 35 years, and in the last 7 years he has had to help me 'care' for myself when I had an arm in a cast for 6 weeks, broke my arm in 4 places cross country skiing-don't ask.
Then a full leg cast...don't have a clue how my tibia broke, but it was clear the doctor did not want me to move....(that lasted only a few days) but a few bodily functions were complex and not accomplished alone.
Let's not forget when I degloved my index finger kiteskiing...(that ended my extreme sports endeavors however I still do power kite on occassion, just not on frozen lakes with open water or on windy days on skis-I have learned my limits---to an extent).
Then there was the PICC line for 4 months, and I knew I could trust him when he told me to 'shut up and let him do the sterile dressing change!' (Now I am a nurse (not in the field right now-all good things come to an end, not that I don't have a lot of that knowledge still stored in my 'smaller' female brain.) Let's not forget how small the 'I-Pod' type device is and how well it still functions. Not all things are better bigger.

He supervises the people, who supervise criminals, out on probation and parole. Can you imagine THAT job?

With the PICC line, he got the last word, as it is not a one handed endeavor, and lo and behold, he did not need my unsolicited advice!! He did a whole lot better than that nurse that went to Mel's to give Alan IVIG!! Not a single break in aseptic technique,...I was awed, and I was relieved, and learned I can actually, at times, keep my mouth shut.)

Lest I demystify myself any further....I will say, Mrsd.....on the underwear issue, my mate wears them to shreds! It appears I will have to continue to buy them. Perhaps I should stock some up, just in case I am not around, my Lord what will he do?

He now does the bills, the dishes and laundry, and has never neglected to coach a season of kids' athletics, or at least 'assist' the coach. He didn't always do all those things, he just assumed many of them, without asking. I let him. He has never grumbled.

He always mowed the lawn, until we got the tractor, and I got dibs. He even gave ME the John Deere hat! (He is relieved to be rid of the chore, as it still takes 2 and a half hours, with the riding mower. Yes, he tells me if I miss a spot, but that is OK.)

I drive a stick better, but he takes the car for oil changes. I change the flat tires on our bikes and adjust the derailleurs. When he makes a mess shifting his chain into his gears, I have to stop and help him.

I use a cell phone better, but he never fails to answer when I call 5 times in a row for some stupid reason...he sometimes disconnects me, inadvertently, I assume.

Up to recently, I have done every interior painting job. You can tell.

I check his email or he loses his address. I have run out of names for him, so I figure better to check it and read it...he doesn't care. It is boring email.

I call in the meds, he picks them up.

He lets me have 3 huge dogs that he is allergic to, and they sleep in our bed sometimes.

He has never cleaned a bathroom and has no idea how.

The toilet is a mystery to him, sort of like an artesian well, and he calls me when we have a plumbing problem. Yes, I put in the faucets and light fixtures.

I pick weeds by hand, (then can't type for a week when it counts.) He can't tell a good plant from a bad one, but HE does the rototiller, as I couldn't even start it. I had better be there to direct where he points it, or well, the plant is toast.

That said, I will pick up rocks that are way too heavy, and perservere into the night, when he says...'I'm done', and that is the point when a reasonable person would stop.

He tells me what is practical, I tell him what is ideal. He tells me what he thinks is achievable, and I push farther HOWEVER he has gone the distance, when I have given up.

He is quieter, but apparently not more passive. I am more verbal and cantakerous, but not more powerful. After 35 years of living together, there are no doubt things about him that I do not know, strength I will likely never comprehend, vulnerability I may never see. That is his character.

Somewhere in the middle between Venus and Mars, lies Earth, and humanity.