Hi canagirl
My brain's too tired today to write much but I knew of this website page which you might direct your family & friends to. If they read it - it might help them with understanding what you are going through and how they can help you.
Stay strong.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/ar...-spoon-theory/

All I can say is that the beginning is very hard and stressful. I cried everyday for a long time, but I tried to to keep my crying to only a little at the end of the day so it wasn't wrecking me and my family constantly. Try to contain it to a time and place if you can. Breathe deep and tell yourself the crying hour is later. Crying and yelling is exhausting and ramps up a lot of neurochemicals you don't want all the time right now. it also makes our loved ones miserable. I ended being strong for my family because for me it was easier to keep myself in check as a gift to them.

Don't expect yourself to accept this right now. It is early, I wouldn't even worry about that yet. You don't know where you will be in the future. There is still the possibility of healing. Don't catastrophize. Just Work on accepting that you don't know what's happening but are doing everything you can to find out. Put your focus on getting through each day. Heck sometimes I just had to focus on getting through five minutes calmy. Get help with this if you need it.

Some of what helped me at first was a lot of distraction until I was at a place where I had enough info and could start to deal with things. watch a movie, read a mindless novel, play Angry Birds or Chuzzle. Anything to keep your mind from going into OMG mode. I also did a lot of praying, still do, for myself and others, for the world, for the environment. It is a positive activity I can do any time, no matter how bad I feel and it helps. I am praying for you too...right now and every day.

Sending Healing Love, Littlepaw

Crying and yelling is exhausting and ramps up a lot of neurochemicals you don't want all the time right now. it also makes our loved ones miserable.


Some of what helped me at first was a lot of distraction until I was at a place where I had enough info and could start to deal with things. watch a movie, read a mindless novel, play Angry Birds or Chuzzle. Anything to keep your mind from going into OMG mode. I also did a lot of praying, still do, for myself and others, for the world, for the environment. It is a positive activity I can do any time, no matter how bad I feel and it helps. I am praying for you too...right now and every day.

Sending Healing Love, Littlepaw [/QUOTE]

I know the crying and yelling is ramping up my neurochemicals I just can't stop. I WANT TO. that's why I feel so childish...why can't I just stop? I do it anywhere and everywhere. Grocery shopping, banking etc etc. it's EMBARRASING. that's why I was asking about a rehab therapy type place. the way I am responding and acting is ridiculous.

I try to use distractions but two minutes into doing anything and I can't ignore the pain anymore. Going out in public sends me into a crying panic attack because I see women pushing their baby strollers and living such a happy life. I can't handle that, it's supposed to be me!

My aunt has been praying for me multiple times a day. I try to believe too, and say my prayers, read my books but why hasn't my healing manifested yet? so it's hard to have faith.

The option of a rehab type place or more specifically an inpatient or outpatient psych facility is always an option. rehab will be dealing with Chemical dependency only. If you have too much constant interference with daily life from distress you can always call and talk with intake at a mental health program near you and find out about options.

Inpatient stays are very short, stabilization only. Outpatient will usually be three hours per day 5x a week for two to three weeks. They may have a group that meets once or twice a week. It never hurts to call and get information, sometimes knowing where the safety net is can alleviate worry.

I understand about the difficulty of praying in the darkest times when you are wondering why all this is happening. In those times I often simply prayed that I wouldn't lose my faith and you know what? I still haven't.

Hold on Cana, hold on to Love, hold on to your family. You can do this. I am sending more Healing Love...