Linter, I have been thinking about you today since I thought you would be starting the antabuse. A new start will do you good and while I don't want to come across as an enabler, with an impending move and the stresses that go along with that it will be a difficult time to quit. Lacking that can you at least cut back and start weaning off? I always went cold turkey and withdrawal was hell and likely dangerous. Best of luck going forward.

Linter, I think that reading Part 1 is a great plan . This is just a thought but your neurologist sounds a bit muddled about the difference between CIDP and alcoholic PN to me.

On an unrelated note, it has been effing hot here recently. Today is predicted to be 34 C. I have lots of cold water in the frig and the drinking bowls for my cats are full.

My PN flared up a bit (not unexpected) but my ice packs have helped to keep it under control.

For what it's worth, that is OK and nothing to be ashamed of!! We are here now, we will be here the moment you are done with the drink and we will be here when you are recovering.

Better find a comfy chair and make sure your electronic device of choice is charged up! We are up to 116 pages now....

okay, i read the first 10 pages of the big thread and, wow, icehouse, way to freaking go. damn. and from the depths of where you were, it's just terrific.

based on what i read, i ordered BenFotiamine and Jarrow's Formula B-Right, to be delivered today via amazon's same-day delivery service. so, i'll start with those and, based on what mrs. d mentioned, stop drinking wine and start drinking ultra-clear skyy vodka.

one thing about my drinking is that if i take antabuse, i get no cravings or any other kind of withdrawl symptom. i've had various complications in my life that've led me to be binary in the extreme. i'm either on or off. i'm either drinking a crapload or i'm drinking nothing at all. i'm not good w/ moderation. that being the case, i think i could quit drinking without antabuse (and i once went 19 years without drinking) but when i do, it adds a little insurance.

i do love drinking, though, especially by myself. yeah, i know, not good, but what can i do?

Yep Linter, there are a lot of inspiring stories in Part 1.

From what you have said it seems to me that you are not physically addicted to alcohol. This fits with my experience - I quit cold-turkey when I was in the psychiatric hospital with nothing apart from some minor sweating - I was monitored closely by the nursing staff during this.

It might help if you kept a daily mood diary. You could use it to keep tabs on how you are feeling and how much you drink each day. That could help you to spot the triggers which lead to your drinking and then work out other (healthier) ways of coping with them.

Right. And that gave me another thought...

As always I have to start by saying I'm not an expert, but , indeed, given that linter seems to "switch" addictions, I would carefully suggest that the problem probably isn't alcoholism as such, but a deeper underlying condition (like depression e.d.). What struck me were the words "addicted to my (ex) girlfriend". It seems that both the girlfriend, the alcohol, the smoking, were partly to fill up a "void" that comes from something deeper. This is no gospel, mind you, but very often with addictions, there is an underlying problem that needs to be looked at too. Otherwise, chances are you'd switch from alcohol to something else in the future, if you know what I mean. (or keep relapsing)

A warning though: even when you are not yet physically addicted, there is a sort of "build up" effect every time you quit and start over again. Detoxing could be fine the first 4 times, and suddenly go very wrong the 5th time. If you can have somebody watch over you, and have a phone ready to dial 911 for when you start feeling really weird is always a good idea. I don't say this to scare you off, at all, but always be careful with detoxing.

Ideally, you would want to talk about this with your doc/GP to see if you could use some more help. He/she could also think about a short term med to help you avoid getting seizures. Again, the risk is small, but very real. Since I got sober I heard/read of at least 50 stories where detox went pretty badly, so better safe than sorry.

Nevertheless: motivation is key. Seeing there is a way out is key. So keep on reading too.

And I would also support Kiwi's suggestion of keeping a mood diary. It can help to build an understanding after a few months.

well, it is true that i have an addictive personality and there are many underlying factors which i've tried to address, through therapy, almost my entire life, without a lot of success. the main psychiatric diagnosis for me has always been complex ptsd, which can happen when a triggering trauma occurs over a long period of time as opposed to being a one-time event. many folks in the mental-health community say that c/ptsd is just about impossible to deal with and such has been my experience. that said, with the help of anti-depressants and a double dose of zoloft (which helps with ocd, another thing i have), i'm fairly functional. but, over the years, on and off, drinking has been one of my more successful coping mechanisms, at least that's what i tell myself.
of course, the problem is that it's led to alcoholic pn.

the mood journal sounds like a good idea but nothing triggers me to want to drink. when the clock strikes 5 pm, i drink.

all this said, i will be back home on the east coast in ten days, and i will start antabuse again at that time, and then i can assess what damage this current round of binge drinking has led to.

Linter, have you talked with your doctors about possible negative interactions between alcohol and the prescription drugs that you take? If you would prefer to do this yourself, the "Interactions Checker" part of this site contains this information Drugs.com | Prescription Drug Information, Interactions & Side Effects.

Negative interactions, both between your different prescription drugs and between them and alcohol, could be significant.

Well, day one of PT was today and I have already shown minor improvement (in only 2 weeks) after being assessed via a bunch of balance, motor skills and neuro tests. I was given a regime of daily exercises (which I actually did) and was tested today.

The doctor tossed around the "alcoholic cerebellar degeneration" term a couple times and we did more tests that involved more spacial and eye tests.

I will be going back in two weeks for another assessment after another two weeks of at-home exercises and such.

The goal is too train other parts of the body\mind to compensate for the neurons I have killed off. He also told me to get back on "thiamine".

The above term is defined as: This condition occurs when neurons in the cerebellum deteriorate and die because of the damaging effects of alcohol. The cerebellum is the part of the brain that controls coordination and balance

Well done Icehouse !

My psychiatrist prescribed thiamine after I quit.