I feel so lonely. Even thogh my husband support me a lot, I feel that I want to cry and yell and speak with someone, but I don't want to bather anyone. With my friends I don't speak about my health, no one wants to hear problems or sorrow. So I keep smiling, but Inside I want to cry. and I need to take it out - all this sorrow that I have.
I don't know if I exprese myself right, but I know that you can give me hints to how to think positivly about life and how to leave with happiness, even with the pains ...
Need your help!!!!!

Rina,
The problem you have is probably depression. Chronic pain and bad health creates depression. Have you spoken with your doctor about this? There may be medication he can give you to help you thru this.

You are grieveing for the lost you. The one who was healthy. It's hard, but we all go thru this to a certain extent. My days are full right now, but the pain is there covering everything else. Yesterday was my birthday and a friend came by and took me to lunch and to a bead shop to buy jewelry makings. I went, I ate and I did a small amt. of shopping. But over it all was pain. Pain that was so miserable that I went to a chair in the bead shop to sit down several times. So I understand what you are talking about. People that know me say they can see it in my eyes.

You are very lucky to have a husband that understands. Does your family understand also? Having family around you that understands makes it easier. Has the neuropathy limited your ability to get out of the house?
If it has, then you need to find more ways to get out of the house.

But most of all, I suggest talking to your doctor about this. Perhaps if he doesn't think medication is correct, he'll refer you to someone who can talk to you.
We care and do deeply understand.
Billye

Hi Rina, I would take Silverlady's advise and talk with your doctor. Even just a mild antidepressant can work wonders.

Do you walk? Even though my pain and burning and pins and needles are there 24/7, some days worse than others (just in my feet), I have found that walking helps me work through the pain and lifts my spirits. If I can't walk outside, I go to a local mall. I do this most every day at least a mile to 1 1/2 miles. I am also on Lyrica and Tramadol which works for me.

The people on this board are very understanding and very helpful. Even though I don't post a lot, I read every post every day and I learn so much from everyone.

There are many meds for PN. some are anti-seizure,
some are analgesics, and some are anti-depressants- like Cymbalta.
It might be that if you can change your PN med, you also can
gain the benefit of the anti-depressant type.
This could be of help to you.
But you've gotta talk to your doc about it. ....Soon !

I agree about the fact that you are probably depressed, and need to see a doctor about this. The other thing that will help your depression is better pain control. What are you using for pain? You may need to increase a medication or find a more effective one.

ecuse me if i offended anyone. But darn it's 107 here it's hot!!!!!
But i would take that 107 heat without air conditionig which is nuts,
because the heat would kill me in the condition,i'm in. I don't want to died
i want the heat to go away.i was in Wall-Mart way after my bed time,
(which means very late) i was there because i forgot something i
needed. I said to Bob my gosh listen to all those crying children,they
should have be home in bed,what the heck are there parents thinking.

He gave me you have lost your marbles look again,which means look
around goof ball. I was in my wheelchair again,supose to be at home
with my legs up at all times,and i'm making a fuss about little ones,
who's parents have them there,because it's cool and ther parents have
no air.. Now it's been a little hard on us with that air bill,but we have air.
Earlier that day the wound and burn Dr. said your staying in aren't you,
well i yelled at him,do you think i'm stupid to,i mean after all you get
so upset because we ask about what is causing our pain,,and your
crabby because you hear it just to much. haven't you. Well i would not
recommend you talk to your Dr. that way..It got quiet and he smiled
and said Sue if your hurting speak up but not so loud.

Honey your words ,we have said them,i wish i could stop and i will but
I hope you will be able to soon,because it's awfull. It's not always this
hot,i'm not always in this much pain..Do you have a Dr. who can help you,
there all different, at what they do or can do for pain..We have depression
but i know i wouldn't without the pain,and you wouldn't either.Friends,
family husbands,you know they get tired but maybe it's your ture to
complain,not drive crazy ut complain. Our maybe you can come to the
Dr. with me old buddy and help me tell the Dr. how much i have changed,
how much i hurt. I'm sure you have helped so many,it's your turn. I know
now that my children helped so much before they moved away,and i'm
not my sweet self. You hurt,i hope you can get something for your pain.

And you can vent,and hollow at us ,caus it's not to lould in Cspace.
And your weclome to e-mail me cause i'm staying home it's hot and
West Nile is all around us... Sue

((((((((rina))))))))

Hi rina,

It's really hard when you don't want to bother people, but still have a tremendous need to explain how you feel and what is going on with you.

What I found, though, was that talking didn't help as much as B12. (I had a really excellent therapist through the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation) I don't know if you are taking the Methylcobalamin (that's the best form of B12 to take) or not, but if you're not, it's something you should look into.

On my site I have a lot of the symptoms of low B12. If you read those symptoms and you have other symptoms besides depression, then you should try B12 replacement.

Just to be clear, depression can be a symptom of low B12. There's a lot of research that shows this to be true. I have a lot of excerpts relating to depression and low B12 on my web site.

Another thing, is that the longer you are depressed, the more stressful it is, and that depletes B12, too.

I don't know how bad your pain is, but mine was quite bad... then after just a huge amount of B12 replacement, it went nearly away... I say "nearly" because at times when there is a lot of stress I get twinges of pain that make me run and have another B12 shot... because I sure don't want it to get the way it was before.

If you decide to try B12 replacement, be sure to get the lozenges of Methylcobalamin that you dissolve under your tongue.

I've written to Wal*Mart many many times to carry B12 in the sublingual form, and they do now, but I didn't ask them to carry Methylcobalamin, so they carry the cyanocobalamin form, which is not as quick or effective.

You'll probably need to go to a health food store to get it.

((((((((rina))))))))

(you're going to be so happy, I think, if you try the methylcobalamin)

((((((((shiney sue))))))))

Gosh, you account of the doctor's visit struck me. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain.

(((((((((shiney sue))))))))))

You write so many nice messages on this board that I'm sorry you still feel lonely... though it's hard to mainly get contact through boards, as opposed to being out and about seeing people smile back at you.

((((((((((shiney sue)))))))))))

just to let you know that I'm thinking about you.

I can so relate and sorry for everyone else feeling this way too. I think for me before this issue I had this and svere depression/anxiety so this pn doesn't help. I think a person can feel lonely even with many supports because sometimes the sadness/confusion is within. I have been working on my self coping mechanisms. I find making myself do as much as possible whether it go to a book store,sit outside so on. That if I get asked to lunch for ex and feel like crap try to push myself and just explain how I feel. Its hard as hell but can help the mood and sometimes even the pain. I do feel like reaching out and even if they don't understand still using your voice. I encourage support groups which for me I'm still working on finding for pain but have been in the past for depression/anxiety. I also encourage the therapy. I'm also going to look into biofeedback which I think is so helpful and really recommend. I also am working on trying to be positive which is not my strong point. I tend to focus on what I can't do rather then what I have accomplished and goals for the future if that make sense. Also I try not to compare which has been hard. I see my friends always partying and carefree and I often feel jealous. I'm glad there happy but look for that inner peace. I have to find my own peace. Sending thoughts and I wish we all lived near. You all have been amazing support and show so much strength. Your amazing role models.

Hi daniella,

One thing you wrote was so like what I find for myself, so often.

Once when I was living in London in the derelict building I was watching a music show that had these little Felix the Cat cartoon features that were like stars in the sky... I can't explain it.

Anyway, one night the cartoon asked, "Have you always been a failure?"

And I thought, "I should just admit it."

And then the cartoon changed and it said, "So why worry now?"


It was such an eye opener for me, because the fact is that I've mostly been successful. Like in University I was selected to be on the University Center Board without me trying to get the job... I was Cultural Committee Chairman and I had a great budget so heads of departments would come to me to bring in speakers and performers they wanted to have at our school, even one Dean came to me. And I was voted Chairman of the year because so many of the students attended my meetings. (Mainly because I'd decided that I needed a lot of the senior and junior guys with skills on my committee, and I didn't see them coming to talk to each other, so I also invited a lot of the Freshmen girls to join...

Etc.

And even in the derelict building, when I had a 7 come 11 party, in the hopes I wouldn't be deported in between those dates, the managing editor of the Sunday Times and his writer wife came... and others... Oh, I think the man I typed the investigative journalism book for, Charles Raw, came... It was great... there were even more fun people there... gosh... one of my friends was so handsome, I mean just extraordinarily so. And his father had been THE puppet guy on telly in England when we had Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd...

When he was a tiny child, just a baby really, his father had dressed him up as Punch, like in Punch and Judy, so that when he jumped up and down in his crib he amused his father...

But I don't ever remember seeing Jonathan when he wasn't in a pose...



Sorry.... I got carried away. Who would think living in a derelict building would turn out to have such good memories?


Okay, so now I am beginning to think that the reason we don't remember our accomplishments and get depressed is low B12...

It's been clearly shown by research that low B12 affects memory and causes depression...

Right this minute my vision is very blurry -- there's so much stress for me again -- yet I know that if I go give myself a B12 shot, then in a couple hours things will literally look more clear.


((((((((daniella)))))))))


Also, I'm sure my B12 level in terms of what is in my blood, is many thousands of times higher than most people's.

But I also know that I had decades of depletion to deal with... and in ten years my fingernails have become quite smooth, showing that there has been a lot of replacement and repair deep within my body....

But stress just continues to eat it up. (Darn it!)



((((((((((daniella))))))))))))