Thanks guys. I'm going to buy some new pans today. I don't need any other issues. I feel I'm becoming narotic though on all my worries but better safe then sorry.
Melody, I'm sorry for your friend and I remember. I thank you for your praise. It has been the hardest thing of my life but I hope to write a book of my 12 year battle. When someone has a severe ed it effects there brain. You see how destructive you are rationally but the fear of changing is so scary. Its like your addicted to self destruction. Really to recover you have to be willing to do what ever it takes and sit with the anxiety and fear. The longer it goes on the harder it is to get through because you loose more through the ed and it become a lifestlye almost. I know many of my past docs thought I would never recover but a year and half ago I began to use the tools I learned and realised I had to get physically healthy to have a chance at a life. Don't give up on your friend but really there is only so much others can do. I had the best of care, my parents sent me to prgrams that costed 1500 a day and I always fell back. Not until two years ago almost did I commit and use the tools I learned. Its a daily battle to make the right choices but I do it cause I know being physically healthy and nurished is the start to a better life. Its not about food or weight but the reasons so when people say why don't you eat to her it doesn't help. She has to work on the reasons behind the ed and face them but being nursihed is a must. The best for others to do is encourage her to get support in therapy and nutritionist. You can tell her about me and my long history and how I lost everything but before the pn I was rebuilding my life with school,friend,job but I had to gain and reach a healthy weight to get to that. Its a hard adjustment getting used to a new body,lifestyle,and coping mechanism but its the only chance for better.She can email me too. You may think she won't but if you give her the address she just may. You would be suprised deep down I'm sure she wants to recover.
Todays goal to buy pans and figure out my move issue because now it may be CA where I was planning on moving after my treatment cause I knew a few people and like the area but will see. Just wish my mom would be closer for support. I'm not big on change which was an issue before and the pn has forced me to have to which is hard. Not only with the move but other issues.

Hi daniella,

(((((((((daniella)))))))))))

Boy, your message is quite inspiring. Thank you for writing that.

I don't know what "ed" is, though. What is that?

I feel as if you are talking to me because it's so hard for me to keep doing this court stuff. It all seems hopeless and like a stressful, traumatic waste of my time.

Yet, like you, I know that there are things that if I do them will make an improvement. Only it doesn't seem like it. It feels almost the opposite.

So your post really helped me... I'm almost finished correcting my appeal brief, and NT people have helped me SOOOO much.

You included. Thank you!

((((((((((daniella))))))))))

Oh, after I turned out the lights last night I realized that I'd written that about Teflon a bit wrong...

I'm not sure it's "fumes" as much as it is that something in the Teflon vaporizes at certain temperatures... and you can't really smell it if you're sauteeing garlic or onions. But it causes a flu feeling.

The problem I had was that because of my disability and memory problems, I'd almost always let the garlic get just a tad too hot... I'd try to remember but I'd forget. And then the garlic would get just a little burned and that's when the vaporizing happens I think... I think that's the temperature where the Teflon vaporizes out the stuff that is bad for us.

So I'm REALLY glad you're going to get some different pans.

Happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And buying new (not teflon) pans. So thanks much for that tip.

Daniella:

No one can help my friend. Not at this stage of the game. She has Stage 4 lung cancer now, spreak to everyplace. All they can do is give her drugs and more drugs. She now has an attendant 24 hours (which she hates) but she refused to go into a hospital because she knew they would put a feeding tube in her. I asked her mother "isn't she bad enough, that they can do this for her own good??" and the mother said "you won't believe this but no, they can't, she is able to say no to everything, and she has refused all therapy, all EVERYTHING.

I was there the day the nutritionist came to her house. She paid this person $70.00. I have no why she did this because I knew she wouldn't do a single thing the nutritionist said that she should do and this was 18 months ago. Because she did not do what she was supposed to do (follow the menu prescribed), she did not feed her body and you can't do chemo, and fight cancer, if you don't get nutrition, right?

No one can speak to her. Like I said, since she's 19. In and out of eating disorder clinics. It's a mental illness. I know this. She became bulimic and had to have a stomach operation. She then took laxatives. Her goal is never to go above 100 lbs. I remember the day she told all of us her diagnosis. She has been just diagnosed with Stage 3, and we all went to her house and we did the motivational thing and we (gently) explained that she had to start eating a bit more. Not that she had to balloon up or anything, but just that she had to start drinking ensure and eating greens, and protein, you know common sense stuff.

She would go "oh, absolutely, I completely agree, I do eat". Then we all found out she never ate a thing. People would bring her cooked foods, chicken soup, broth, simple things. She would take two sips and that was it.
Her mental illness and depression (forgive me for calling this a mental illness, but I did watch a special on the discovery channel and that's how they referred to it). Well, in her mind, nothing clicked. She didn't relate to fighting the cancer but eating properly. She would not allow herself to pick up a morsel of food.

So her mother visits her but won't let her move into her apartment, her children completely gave up on her. Her daughter caused a scene in the hospital room when she went in for the removal of the tumor on her aorta. Her daughter started to scream at her in front of everybody. "do you know you're gonna die??? and you refuse to eat???" Well, the brother had to carry the sister out bodily.

The grandmother (my friend's mother), won't talk to her own grandaughter. There is depression that runs down the line in this family. Everyone is on anti-depressants. There's a relationship between anorexia and depression, right?? The same way with compulsive overeating (like I used to be). I self-medicated with food. That's how I used to cope with stress.

I had to learn (or shall I say un-learn bad eating habits). and replace these bad habits with good eating habits. Have you seen the new abc series "Fat March???" They have a bunch of people way over 400 lbs and they are just walking off the fat , walking 500 miles. And by the end of the show, they just might succeed. But their food choices were absolutely fascinating.

They had already marched 150 miles and most lost up to 40 lbs. So they were at the end of the day and there were two tables of food. One table had grilled chicken, grilled salmon and salad. The other table had fried chicken, pizza, etc. Well, you would not believe it but some of the obese people (who had lost 40 lbs or better), actually went up and got the pizza and fried chicken. They said "I want to eat". They walked 8 hours that day, and could have eaten a very nice grilled salmon or chicken but they made a different choice. One 430 lb guy took one look at the salad and said "that's nasty, it has oranges and almonds in it". The nutritionist said "so take out the almonds and oranges and just eat the salad". The guy was determined to eat his pizza.

I find this thinking absolutely fascinating because I once thought like that. I could put away 4 slices of pizza in 5 minutes. It's all a habit and I had to learn the hard way to change my thinking process.

And, you generously offered to email my friend. I thank you so much for that.

She has two computers in her house and never learned to use either one of them. I tried to put her on my computer and do a video for her grandchildren so they could always have a video of her. We made the video but she would not send it. I once printed out a list of support groups for people with her condition. I told her "maybe if you hang around with others who fight the same problem (like I go to gam-anon groups), then maybe you might find an answer??" She would not go.

Anorexia has disturbed her mind as well. It's not going to change in her case because she is so sick. I plan on visiting her this week but I'm sure she will sleep through the whole visit because of all the medication she is on. I do speak to her nurses and to her mother. This is very hard for her because she has to deal with the obnoxious grandaughter.

I don't want to even think what is going to take place when she passes on because her daughter will go absolutely nuts in the funeral parlor. Oh brother.

But we do each day as best we can.

Daniella, you have accomplished great things. I am very proud of you.

Hi Melody and daniella -

I just read Melody's post and it reminded me that when I was in the ER with the seizures from tetanus, there was a young girl in the cloth cubicle next to mine who had tried to kill herself.

And from what I could hear she didn't eat and had an eating disorder.

The blood tech was having a hard time drawing blood from me, so we talked, and I was telling him how B12 helps in depression.

He said, yes, and of his friends who took B12, there were those who began to eat more.

I understand that your friend is dying. I think that is the desired result of many eating disorders... Sadly.

Daniella, I think you are incredibly brave. My daughter has been treated for an eating disorder. She learned so much during her therapy and has really done well, but I know it is a daily stuggle for her. I am proud of you both.

Dakota -- it was nice to read your message... hopeful feeling from it.

I was looking to see if daniella had found some pans she liked...

I was wondering how her day was...

hugs to you both!

Considerthis sorry "ed" is short for eating disorder. Both of you I thank you for your praise. Considerthis I'm sorry about your stresses and know how hard it is to make life changes but they won't do them by themself. In my recovery I kept saying for things to change I have to do things in a different way. I will feel more anxious,stressed,but in the long run makes life better. Try to take 1 day at a time. Lists,goals and schedules help me.Also positive self talk even if you don't believe it now otherwise you set yourself up for failure. For me it was so hard to see things different but reminding myself they can be but setting goals.
Dakota thank you and I'm happy your daughter has gotten well too. Its suprising and sad how many people do share this issue.Its tue you do learn so much about yourself its like becoming a different person.
Melody first I know you battled weight issues and you deserve praise too.Whether you overeat to an extreme I mean or under its for the same types of issues and not wanting to cope with something. It can be also a slow suicide. I was inpatient with compulsive eaters,anorexics,and builmics and we all had a common bond of self destruction. I know for me therapy and support helped but I had to do the work. Your friend has to eat and her goal has to be a healthy weight. Its a hard transition but I had to think of food as my med for life. Its true there is little as she is an adult others can do to force her. I do know when inpatient an adult had her rights taken away but that takes awhile. I know before I got well the docs thought I would die or couldn't recover but I did so don't give up hope. Like I said though its going to be hard and scary but she can do it. Depression and anorexia are very connected. I often say I used to show how I felt in the inside on the out. I will say though that when I really began fueling and getting healthy for a brief time my depression was worse because I was looking at my life that had fallen apart,dealing with feelings after being numb through the anorexia for awhile,changing inside and out but in the long run the depression does get better. I think a helpful book for families and friends is surviving an eating disorder for families and friends of suffers. They suggested that for families when I was in treatment, For your friend Divorcing Ed and the something fishy website. I also mean it I'm here anytime.
Now I'm off to obsess about my move issue. I really have no idea and feel so caught. Like I said now it may be CA. I have to really weigh if the cold is going to just kill me and that would make it a must to move or is there a way I would adjust. Those 0 degree temps in the winter are brutal.

Hi daniella,

(((((((((daniella))))))))

OH... eating disorder. I'm soooo dense!

(ed)

You sound very good. Did you have a good day?


Oh... I know about doing the work. I sure am not wanting to do this appeal thing or other court stuff. I'm exhausted with it.

But I can't give up.


You are soooo right about doing positive self talk.
When I get scared I don't do it at all and I get myself more and more scared.

I used to read Creative Visualization by Shakti Gwaine... not sure I have the spelling even remotely right... and it was soooo great.

but then I got so familiar with it that I wasn't paying attention in the same way anymore.

Last year I did my Angel of Divine Love in the cool corner of my garden under my ponderosa pine... but then the neighbor cut down a part of the "roof" of tree boughs and vines and all of a sudden the road noise came in, so I haven't been sitting there and raising my mind to the Angel of Divine Love like I did last year.

(((((((((daniella)))))))


so where do you most want to move?

Have you been checking places out on the internet????

I'm so conflicted and I know I'm beating a dead horse with you guys. I need to make my decidsion on the move. Now for example today is rainy and colder and my pain is so much worse. If I stay here in MI I will be confined more to the house and even going out for a short time will make me feel worse. So moving sounds right BUT. If I need treatment or want to do a procedure at the pain clinic that will be hard though I know my mom will come. I was suppose to go to u fof m but could go to ucla clinic or Fl clinic I guess.Or maybe if I move to Fl though my gramps is ? at least if I need a procedure he could drive me. Right now though in pain I'm not willing to do more procedures because I have seen progress and fear going back. If I stay like this though I will have to try so that is why I may want to do something later. Then the issue of my mom and being alone that is going to be hard mentally and she is so wonderful. It could just be for 6 months of the cold,rain,snow and then could come back. I can't decide because I know the cold makes it worse but fear leaving and dealing with this on my own. I feel trapped. I'm 29 and can't make a choice. This sucks and its rainy today and cold and I hurt so much. Please any advice. I'm loosing my mind.