[daniella]

Hello. Ok I am turning into a nut case and a bad person. I came to Fl cause f the eyes which have had no improvement here and in turn has set my leg off in huge pain back to vicodin and even after my move to Ca I was not in this much pain. I am thinking it is from the humidity or maybe another fluke.Will my body adjust to the humidity or is this my fate and should I go back to Ca? The eyes were hell there but the same here but maybe it is going to take a long time. I am on restsis now for them. My mom and I are fighting and I feel so guilty and horrible how mean I have been to her this week. She is my strength,hope,and greatest mom and has done so much support wise listening to me,getting me to so many docs and the cost,and moving me all around. I am like 12 again how I am acting.As many know my docs have really been no help and I have lack of pain control. I am now considering the scs but there is only a half chance it will even do anything and since for me a lot is unknown still it is scary. My mom thinks I need to see a psych because of how upset I get.I have seen so many in the past with no change in my mental state actually how I am now is a huge improvement cause at least I am physically healthy in my other issues. Now I know here everyone has a lot going on with their health and compared I should feel blessed. I do feel though a lot of my fear is cause it happens. Like the leg which started with what we thought was an injury and a year and half later many docs and tests,meds,etc still horrible,then the eyes that was suppose to take a few weeks and now has been 5 months of pain,then the back. None that go away. I have a negative attitude my mom says but how am I suppose to act. I try to hold to hope go to the docs,get let down,then something else happens,etc. The cycle continues.I know there are worse off in the world so I feel bad but really this is so stressful and painful to face the day.I am young and even if I were older this is bad but I should be able to rollerblade,run,be active. My post is for I don't know what.I just wonder too how you all stay so strong and not get mad at your loved ones? I remember when this happened and after all my tests the neuro said now it is about living with your pain and pushing through. I thought she was nuts but found now it is true. I push myself through my pain to do as much as I can take my walks etc. If many recall when this happened to me I was in bed full days. So on that note I have made progress but still it is so slow and painful.Things could always be worse though I say cause I know there is always a rock bottomer. Sorry for my cry baby attitude cause I get the feeling some think I am here but just felt I need to vent and really don't know where else to do so at the moment.Thanks for listening.