I agree with you. It is cliqueish. Thats the nature of the beast. People get to know each other or like some more than others and tend to interact with each other. As with most of these type of forums about physical and mental health, it is dominated by women. Its just a fact. Check out the number of posts by men as opposed to women. They also tend to feel more comfortable with each other. Ive seen some desperate people post and get one or two responses, while someone else with a relatively minor problem has gotten 3 pages worth of responses.

I have also seen that some people including myself at times are pretty much dismissed as not being a PN expert or carrying the weight of others. There is nothing like taking the time to answer someones often almost desperate question in which you have experience and have gained some knowledge in the many years you have had PN only for another poster to post later that dont worry someone that knows what they are talking about (expert) will be coming along later. Really gives you that warm fuzzy feeling. At times i have thought why do i bother? Ive only lived it and tested for it and read up on it and fought it and talked about it to everyone i come in contact with who has PN. What would i know.

I tend to keep my answers very short and try to get to the point and leave the half page answers for others. That may lead some people to consider me on the cold side, its just the way i approach this.

I for one am sorry to see you go, i have learned from many of your posts and think that you are a caring knowledgable person. IM not going anywhere but i have also disengaged to an extent for periods of time when i feel like an outsider.

Rfinnery, i have always found your posts interesting & informative, i am positive that your posts have helped many more than you even realize, it's very disappointing to read a farewell from you and i hope that in time you may reconsider.
take care mate,
Brian

than real life experiences.IMO.

I would like to discuss this with you, including some personal events.
But it is best to do that in email, since PMs have a limited size. I tried to
send you an email thru this board, but you have not activated that feature.

So I sent my private email to you in a PM. I hope to hear from you soon.

--and pretty much feel the way Brian does (my bias is that you would decide not to "go", and still post when you feel it is relevant).

There are times when even those of us who feel quite friendly with one another disagree and get into long and even heated arguments over some issue (both publicly on the boards and through private e-mails). Evnetually, though, most of these seem to die down and if they are not actually resolved, at least the principals seem to "agree to disagree".

I can't speak to the more personal nature of some of the repsonses that you seem to indicate played a part in all this, but I think even if such content was highly insulting, you would still stay and post when needed--you don't want to let the b*****ds win.

One thing that confuses me--you metion that you've been around for five years, but Neurotalk has been around only a little more than a year; are you including Braintalk time with that? And were the major incidents you refer to through this board only?

BTW, in response to Joe's post, yes, these boards can be a little "cliquey" (if that's a word), but I've found the bias is nto so much gender-related as articulation related. I've watched a number of boards at a number of forums, and each has a "particular" style that is "standard". At this one (and to a great extent at BT) this style could loosely be described as "informational", as opposed to "chatty". And this style requires a certain degree of writing skill and vocabulary to explain one's symptoms and medical history. People who post the way they might at other forums--with clipped writing, bad sentence structure, grammatical confusion, "instant message"-style wording, and the like--may get requests for more information from other posters, but they do not get the number of responses that the more articulate do.

This may mean the bias here is more intellecutual than anything else. (That doesn't mean there isn't humor, or some off-topic stuff--but even that tends to be written much more in "NY Times style" than "IM-style".) There are boards that are much less intellectual/technical--and sometimes I feel uncomfortable at those, given my penchant for long responses and medicalese (and my disdain for abbreviation--IM-style abbreviation, i.e, "cuz", "u", etc. is a big board and generational distinguisher). But, that's why the Internet is great--one can find a community that suits one.

For the record, I've never felt a gender bias here. In fact, given the nature of internet board posting, there are still a few people whose genders I don't even know, and that doesn't seem to affect the discussions much. Even when discussions drift into more female areas, I feel I can sometimes contribute--I have lived with one for 26 years, and observed.

Hi rfinney

I am rather puzzled by this thread to say the least

When you reported a bad post back in May of this year, I IMMEDIATELY took action and removed it. We have a full record of it and your reply on the admin forum archives. (The member who made that reported post last visited here in July)

No further posts have been reported or drawn to my attention and so I am not aware of any further incidents that may have upset you?

Life is full of cliques, and yes, people form friendships and groups everywhere.
But when I read this board I see many people all interacting with one another, whether they are in cliques or not. And cliques or no cliques, I see this forum active with much support and sharing of experience and information, with all free to contribute without exclusion.

If there is any form of "exclusivity" taking place that we are not aware of, then it needs to be reported to us, with specific posts cited so that we can look into it, and take steps to ensure that it isnt pervasive.
The admin/mod team is here to help, as I think we have shown time and time again, and certainly did when that "off" post was made back in May. It is up to members to contact us and let us know if there are issues that need our attention as we obviously cant read every post (or nuance) on all the boards here at NeuroTalk

and yes, NeuroTalk has only been in existence for one year, and so anything that may have preceded this really isnt something we have control over.

But we can assure all members that we take it very seriously when anyone does not feel welcome here, or has legitimate complaints.
As I am puzzled by what this upset is about, I am hoping that those who do have background may fill me in by private message please, as I really dont think it is fair to all the many caring members here, and also to newcomers, to have a discussion on the board that may single out other members or groups.

I am here to help in anyway I can. I hope you will reconsider your decision to leave rfinney. But if you choose to go, we wish you all the best.

Cheri

I would miss you. You have been generous with your support and expertise. I imagine that the five-years includes a portion of time on the board that crashed and resulted in this spin-off.

I have posted questions in recent years that have been ignored. This after many years of providing support to others (and gleaning a lot of great information for myself and dear ones in the process). When ignored, it hurt for a second, and then I reminded myself that no one had an answer or knew how to respond.

But these are things you already know. Just wanted to let you know I have appreciated you and hope not to lose touch with you.

rose

I was going to post this privately to rfinney. But I have decided to put it here
after all.
The internet contains a type of posting, that is designed to provoke reactions.
The best handling of this concept, I found at The Curezone, so I'll link to it here: http://curezone.com/forums/troll.asp
This is really the best discussion I have found on the net for this subject. And because CureZone is an alternative site, it is frequently attacked by trolling behaviors.

The suggestion for the net is to IGNORE posts/posters who inflame or provoke.
The behaviors that rfinney found confusing and which angered him, was the ignoring of the anti-semitic remark. In person, you may choose to confront someone who is behaving this way (if they don't look like they will attack you or have a weapon), but on the net, ignoring is the only way to not feed the troll. The troll wants a payoff, wants to see some kind of action. One must resist giving that payoff back. We can't see people here, hear their voices, we don't have a foundation at all about them really..they can even post pictures that are untrue. Basically on the net when people throw out comments like the antisemitic remark, it just leads to a flame war because it is very easy to type a response, something you may not do in person. Add on top of that people who are struggling with illness, pain, drug side effects, job insecurity, death, etc...and you have a low flash point.

So I recall this incident, and yes, I did not respond to it and waited for the moderators to take care of it. That is what they are here for.

So out of respect for this board, and others here, I don't respond. I do report to moderators, however.

rfinney, you are a respectful person. So it is hard to endure disrespect. But on the net, one has to weigh the total effect against the response. There will always be provocative people on the net, always.

I think the strength of this forum and others here at NT is built on diversity.
I don't enter into every thread either. Sometimes I have nothing to offer, or it is going well anyway, etc. Sometimes I miss something..overlook it. Alot of times I get no answers or response too. In fact, this board and the Vitamin one are the most responsive I have seen, for myself! I just got a PM about this phenomenon this week, from someone else! Sometimes a post is so good, and to the point, no response is really necessary. Sometimes people are just reading and thinking about it...they may think about it for days, weeks, months before it clicks for them! People have their own style.

So I am saddened every time I read posts like this---"I am leaving".
If you have to stop posting here, rfinney, then that is what you need to do.
Sometimes however, it is just a break from the internet which is needed. This I understand alot myself. So I hope it is only the "break" or vacation that is needed, and that we will see you still in the future.

I for one will be very sad to see you go. You are one of the people I look to for sanity when I seem to be losing all. There are people here that make up the ground home base of this forum and they are the ones that all of us with no real knowledge look to for help in time of need. I know when we were looking for the laptop to buy, I printed every word of your responses and advice and they were weighed carefully. They were not discarded as having no meaning. We did consider your word as an authority along with the help of others. But in the end, my husband who is a systems engineer, made the decision. I hope nothing I did contributed to you leaving. I sometimes answer before I really think and my mouth is the same way. I do so very much apologize if it is some of the problem. I really wish you would stay. You are family. But I will understand if you need to get away for awhile.
Best wishes and less pain,
Billye

I'm sorry you feel the need to leave, and hope that it
really is only a 'break' that you need.
As I am clueless to the problem posts mentioned,
I cannot respond to that- but I am sensitive
to anti-semitic remarks and feel that
they have no place.... anywhere.
I hope you will continue to 'lurk' and feel that
you can continue to post here.
I've been informed immensely over the years, by your expertise, knowledge and contributions- to us, who at one time, were 'newbies' & floundering in the sea of ignorance and mis-information about PN.
I'll be sorry to see you leave, but wish you well - and to be pain free.