[rfinney]

I have been absent from the board for the past month or so. I have decided that I will no longer participate in this particular forum. I have been here for the past 5 years fairly regularly. There were times in the past when I was a very active poster. In recent years, I have continued to be a “regular,” while not as active as many other “regulars.”

I have debated whether I should offer my reasons for leaving, and have decided that I want to say something about it. For me, the forum has changed. It now feels more like a “clique” than it has in the past. I don’t use that word in the full negative sense that if often is meant to convey. Yet, it does feel as if there is a kind of “in” group. I fell that I was part of that group in the past, and now feel very much on the outside and periphery. So, it may be that the forum has not really changed, but just my place in it. And that may have a lot to do with my posting activity. Clearly, when I was posting a lot more, I did not feel the way I do now.

I believe that there are some areas where I have considerable knowledge and skills, as a result of my professional career and personal life events. On a number of occasions, I have posted at length in these areas. Not only were my contributions not acknowledged, but in some cases, members were told by a “regular” which posters really knew the subject at hand. At times it appears as though these “recommendations” are made because of friendships rather than direct knowledge of the particular area. Oh – by the way – I should make it very clear that I am NOT at all talking about the computer-related discussions/arguments that had some high visibility for awhile. The issues that I am talking are directly relevant to folks with PN (not that computer usage is not, but I think you know what I mean).

A recent incident . . . a “regular” posted an off-base, out of context snide criticism . . . didn’t leave me any way to respond. I was surprised and disappointed by this immature attack.

I had really felt disconnected before these incidents and had basically decided to leave before the most recent event. So it is not fair to blame these things for my leaving. But overall I now just feel very disinclined to post. There are other specific incidents that were disturbing to me, and perhaps play some part in the way I feel. But none of them are the “cause” of my decision to leave. I do want to mention one other particular event. It happened about 6 months back. In a thread, a poster (infrequent member) wrote an anti-Semitic reply, out of the blue, and just stuck it in a thread. I was disgusted by the trash that was posted and immediately contacted a mod and filed a protest.

However, what was more disturbing to me was that a few of the “regulars” responded to the original thread as if nothing was wrong. In other words, they just kept posting while ignoring the anti-Semitic garbage. I remember discussing the whole incident over Chemar, who ended up as the mod in charge. She also expressed surprise about the continued posts by forum members. In any event, she quickly removed the offensive post. She also had to remove my reply, so a search will not turn up any record of the thread.

I want to wish every individual forum member nothing but good wishes for improving health as well as fun in life. I do not feel negative towards anyone here. And I hope that the forum continues to be active and that it meets the needs of those who participate. I have gotten quite a lot over the years, in terms of knowledge, advice, and support. I will always remember my being a member in this group as a positive thing that made some very significant contributions towards helping me find a healthier path in life.

At this point, I have no plans to participate in any other forum here. I will not remove my member name or profile – so that if anyone needs to contact me, they will be able to do so. I plan to be available, by private message, should someone need to seek me out for any reason.

rfinney

[Aussie99]

That's alot to think about. I am sorry you feel that way, I hope that my posts have not been offensive to you or anyone. I wish you wouldn't go,as I do find your expertise into psychology very insightful. And I beleive you also have helped many people.

I have also read remarks that at times I felt may have been better worded in another way... sort to speak. But I think just like anything there is a yin and a yang, and I try not to focus too much on unpleasant things.


I really wish you wouldn't go, but I wish you the best of luck and health ofcourse,and thank you for all your help.

[dorrie]

Hi Richard! I do not post on the PN forum but I am a member of Neurotalk. I read your post and just wanted to send you well wishes! Take care!

[dahlek]

abandon those who do appreciate you.

I understand the sense of all that you say. - j

PS: Please lurk away?

[daniella]

Hi. I'm a newer person but just wanted to say I'm sorry your feeling the way you do. I know for myself I appreciate everyones views and help especially as a newer person to this and so confused.What I have learned is were all different and for many thing 1 view or treatment doesn't work so getting wide feedback is important. I too hope I have never offended anyone as well. On a side note I also hope that you don't loose out on the support you gain here because of a few people you find offensive. You deserve support and I'm sure when you give it and it helps others that makes you feel good about yourself. I may be wrong but I know it does that for me. Take care and I guess do what is best for you.

[HeyJoe]

I agree with you. It is cliqueish. Thats the nature of the beast. People get to know each other or like some more than others and tend to interact with each other. As with most of these type of forums about physical and mental health, it is dominated by women. Its just a fact. Check out the number of posts by men as opposed to women. They also tend to feel more comfortable with each other. Ive seen some desperate people post and get one or two responses, while someone else with a relatively minor problem has gotten 3 pages worth of responses.

I have also seen that some people including myself at times are pretty much dismissed as not being a PN expert or carrying the weight of others. There is nothing like taking the time to answer someones often almost desperate question in which you have experience and have gained some knowledge in the many years you have had PN only for another poster to post later that dont worry someone that knows what they are talking about (expert) will be coming along later. Really gives you that warm fuzzy feeling. At times i have thought why do i bother? Ive only lived it and tested for it and read up on it and fought it and talked about it to everyone i come in contact with who has PN. What would i know.

I tend to keep my answers very short and try to get to the point and leave the half page answers for others. That may lead some people to consider me on the cold side, its just the way i approach this.

I for one am sorry to see you go, i have learned from many of your posts and think that you are a caring knowledgable person. IM not going anywhere but i have also disengaged to an extent for periods of time when i feel like an outsider.

[Brian]

Rfinnery, i have always found your posts interesting & informative, i am positive that your posts have helped many more than you even realize, it's very disappointing to read a farewell from you and i hope that in time you may reconsider.
take care mate,
Brian

[mrsD]

than real life experiences.IMO.

I would like to discuss this with you, including some personal events.
But it is best to do that in email, since PMs have a limited size. I tried to
send you an email thru this board, but you have not activated that feature.

So I sent my private email to you in a PM. I hope to hear from you soon.

[glenntaj]

--and pretty much feel the way Brian does (my bias is that you would decide not to "go", and still post when you feel it is relevant).

There are times when even those of us who feel quite friendly with one another disagree and get into long and even heated arguments over some issue (both publicly on the boards and through private e-mails). Evnetually, though, most of these seem to die down and if they are not actually resolved, at least the principals seem to "agree to disagree".

I can't speak to the more personal nature of some of the repsonses that you seem to indicate played a part in all this, but I think even if such content was highly insulting, you would still stay and post when needed--you don't want to let the b*****ds win.

One thing that confuses me--you metion that you've been around for five years, but Neurotalk has been around only a little more than a year; are you including Braintalk time with that? And were the major incidents you refer to through this board only?

BTW, in response to Joe's post, yes, these boards can be a little "cliquey" (if that's a word), but I've found the bias is nto so much gender-related as articulation related. I've watched a number of boards at a number of forums, and each has a "particular" style that is "standard". At this one (and to a great extent at BT) this style could loosely be described as "informational", as opposed to "chatty". And this style requires a certain degree of writing skill and vocabulary to explain one's symptoms and medical history. People who post the way they might at other forums--with clipped writing, bad sentence structure, grammatical confusion, "instant message"-style wording, and the like--may get requests for more information from other posters, but they do not get the number of responses that the more articulate do.

This may mean the bias here is more intellecutual than anything else. (That doesn't mean there isn't humor, or some off-topic stuff--but even that tends to be written much more in "NY Times style" than "IM-style".) There are boards that are much less intellectual/technical--and sometimes I feel uncomfortable at those, given my penchant for long responses and medicalese (and my disdain for abbreviation--IM-style abbreviation, i.e, "cuz", "u", etc. is a big board and generational distinguisher). But, that's why the Internet is great--one can find a community that suits one.

For the record, I've never felt a gender bias here. In fact, given the nature of internet board posting, there are still a few people whose genders I don't even know, and that doesn't seem to affect the discussions much. Even when discussions drift into more female areas, I feel I can sometimes contribute--I have lived with one for 26 years, and observed.

[Chemar]

Hi rfinney

I am rather puzzled by this thread to say the least

When you reported a bad post back in May of this year, I IMMEDIATELY took action and removed it. We have a full record of it and your reply on the admin forum archives. (The member who made that reported post last visited here in July)

No further posts have been reported or drawn to my attention and so I am not aware of any further incidents that may have upset you?

Life is full of cliques, and yes, people form friendships and groups everywhere.
But when I read this board I see many people all interacting with one another, whether they are in cliques or not. And cliques or no cliques, I see this forum active with much support and sharing of experience and information, with all free to contribute without exclusion.

If there is any form of "exclusivity" taking place that we are not aware of, then it needs to be reported to us, with specific posts cited so that we can look into it, and take steps to ensure that it isnt pervasive.
The admin/mod team is here to help, as I think we have shown time and time again, and certainly did when that "off" post was made back in May. It is up to members to contact us and let us know if there are issues that need our attention as we obviously cant read every post (or nuance) on all the boards here at NeuroTalk

and yes, NeuroTalk has only been in existence for one year, and so anything that may have preceded this really isnt something we have control over.

But we can assure all members that we take it very seriously when anyone does not feel welcome here, or has legitimate complaints.
As I am puzzled by what this upset is about, I am hoping that those who do have background may fill me in by private message please, as I really dont think it is fair to all the many caring members here, and also to newcomers, to have a discussion on the board that may single out other members or groups.

I am here to help in anyway I can. I hope you will reconsider your decision to leave rfinney. But if you choose to go, we wish you all the best.

Cheri