I haven't been posting a lot lately, because since Christmas I have been really struggling with depression. I have had a problem with this all my life, but it has been much worse since getting neuropathy. Other than the pain, I don't have any serious problems, in fact many blessings. I'm not depressed ABOUT anything, it just settles down on me and I just can't function. I haven't been off the couch for several days. My plan is to force myself to get up and go to church tomorrow. Sometimes forcing myself to get out helps, and sometimes not. I am under a psychiatrists care. I just don't seem to get any benefit from antidepressants. I do take trazadone at night to help me sleep well. AT 59, I don't think I would benefit from "counseling" -- I have had counseling several times in the past. I just don't know where to turn. I guess I will just keep on "keeping on" and hope things take a turn fo rthe better. I am so frustrated! But I wanted to let you know that reading this forum and the people here really help me so much. I do not feel so isolated or cut off from people. Thanks to everyone on the forum for this.

Have you had your serotonin levels checked? Also, what about Vit. D levels. All of the above contribute to depression.

I'm thinking about you.

Billye

Susan:

Hi. I am a big fan of counseling. People need to get stuff off of their chests. They sometimes need better coping mechanisms. Don't discount counseling, you never know. And a counselor can be objective. Friend's and even neuro-board friends, well all we do is give you support and cyber hugs, but sometimes more is definitely needed..

I have a friend who is close to my age and she had a falling out with her mother. Her mom is 78. Bad from the get-go. No parenting skills at all. My friend went to a counselor recently all upset because of how her mother has been treating her. Guess what the counselor said? "your friends can't tell you this but I can, "your mom is a piece of cr*p mom" (Only she didn't use the word cr*p). And she's been talking her heart out and getting all the rage out and frustration and the counselor has helped her deal with her feelings.

So think about it. Might help, might not. You never know.

Right now, you need some puppy hugs!!! Take care!!!

Thanks for the thoughts, hugs and suggesstions. Billye, I will ask my doctor about the seratonin and vitamin D levels. And Mel, I will consider counseling. I think it is hard to find a good counselor. You guys are the best.

I need to literally talk myself into going out to the grocery store (2 blocks away). I'll use every excuse I can to avoid it. But once I'm out, I always marvel at how I could stay indoors rather than go out in the world and see life around me.

I subscribe to a Johns Hopkins newletter and was reminded of an article they emailed a few days ago. Maybe it can help you. Here it is:

Light Therapy and Wellbutrin XL for SAD
January 30, 2008
By Johns Hopkins Health Alerts, www.johnshopkinshealthalerts.com

Now patients with seasonal affective disorder have two effective therapies to relieve depression in the winter months – light therapy and the antidepressant, Wellbutrin XL.

At this time of year, changes in the amount of daily sunlight cause changes in the body’s internal biological clock, known as circadian rhythm. This rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that affects our eating and sleeping patterns, brain wave activity, hormone production, and other biological activities. In some people, less daily sunlight and changes in circadian rhythm can bring about depression. One theory is that the relative lack of sunlight during these times may alter brain levels of certain mood-related chemicals.

If you have SAD, what can you do?

* Light Therapy

Some people with seasonal affective disorder can be successfully treated with exposure to bright light. In one study, 57% of 191 people with SAD responded to light therapy. In another study, light therapy was comparable in effectiveness to antidepressant therapy but worked faster and caused fewer side effects.

Light therapy involves sitting in front of a bank of full-spectrum fluorescent lights for 30–60 minutes each day. Improvement can often be seen within a few days, with symptoms disappearing after two to three weeks. Continued light therapy is needed to prevent a relapse.

* Wellbutrin XL

In 2006 the FDA approved bupropion HCL extended-release tablets (Wellbutrin XL) for the prevention of major depressive episodes in people with a history of SAD. Wellbutrin XL is the first drug officially approved for SAD.

The efficacy of Wellbutrin XL for the prevention of SAD episodes was demonstrated in three double-blind, placebo-controlled trials -- the gold standard of medical research -- in adults with a history of recurrent major depressive disorder in autumn and winter. Treatment was started before the onset of symptoms in the autumn (September to November) and was discontinued following a two-week taper starting the first week of spring (fourth week of March).

In these trials, the percentage of patients who were depression free at the end of treatment was significantly higher for those on Wellbutrin XL than for those on placebo. Combining data from all three studies, the overall rate of people depression free at the end of treatment was 84% for those on Wellbutrin XL, compared with 72% for those on placebo.

These findings have not surprised psychiatrists and primary care physicians, who have long been using antidepressant drugs off label for treating SAD. But the approval of Wellbutrin XL by the FDA adds credibility to the treatment approach.

Clearly I don't know if you have SAD and the article may not resonate with you. Also, Atlanta may have much more sunlight than NYC so SAD may not be an issue.

I'm going to see a psychiatrist in a few weeks and will ask about Wellbutrin. I don't think it can make me more depressed than I am now...lots of weeping episodes over not very serious stuff. Mostly caused by my crappy physical state and wishing I could step outside without a walker. I send you lots of hugs & good wishes.

This is a subject I know well. Before the pn I suffered from severe depression. I had been to many therapists,psychiatrist,meds etc. Even at times when my ed was better I suffered from depression at points I would not leave my home. During this time I had many blessing like you say but there was an inner sadness. Many times I felt I could not face my days. I knew in my life the way I was coping was not working and I had to change. The more you hide from this and stay in the harder the cycle is to break. I really believe if able to through the pain part that you should push through the mental don't want to. Even sometimes when you don't think it helps in the long run it may. As for therapy you are never to old and just because it didn't work in the past doesn't mean it can't now. I wonder if some is fear of having to face the issues and make a change. It may not be but sometimes it is. I spent many years in and out of treatment and the combo that worked for me was therapy but being proactive and pushing myself when I didn't want to and really digging deep on issue like my sadness,anxiety,lonliness etc.You deserve more and just because there is not a concrete like abuse doesn't mean there are not other things contibuting. Many hugs

Hi Dakota,
I've been there too and it is tough. I came to this board after losing my mom to suicide and it was a really hard time for me. I went through a serious depression myself after losing her.

After losing someone so close to you do a suicide, you feel the deep depression yourself. I was actually hospitalized myself. I knew I didn't want to do that, but believe me, it was there, in the front of my mind. I wanted to go there. I wanted to make the pain go away. I couldn't find a way to stop the hurting, physically and emotionally.

I am now strong, healthy, and on my way up. I have gone to the survivors of suicide board. I reached out for help not so much for myself, but more for those who love me. For my children and grandchildren so they wouldn't have to deal with what I was going through.

I am stronger now. I still have days. We all do. When I was diagnosed with PN I went back into that deep hole, and it is hard to climb out of. However, there are so many people who love us that NEED us to climb out of that hole! When we've climbed out of it, then we do it for ourselves. But while we are in there, we do it for them. I couldn't do anything for myself while I was there. It didn't matter, I didn't matter. But my children, my grandchildren, they mattered.

Find something that matters to you and focus on that. Stay focused on that and hold on to it. Don't let go of it!
We are here for you and we look forward to hearing from you EVERY DAY! Get up , go outside and do the things that you HATE to do, cuz those are the things that force you outside your hole. Get outside for a walk, take a shower, talk to your neighbor.

Well! It would seem you're in very good company here. I, too, have some of the same issues. I was on Effexor XR for three years. Compared to how I felt when I first started medication (early spring of 2002, started Celexa - 14 months on that) I'm not having the same issues and symptoms. I *have* learned when I need to destress and decompress. My anxiety and depression was brought on by severe prolonged stress that caused a brain chemical imbalance. I was told that the amount of time I would be on the meds was equal to the amount of time it took me to get to the point of needing medication. And so far that's been right.

I've always had issues with SAD. Before I crashed and burned in 2001/2002 I was able to control that with St. John's Wort. After the crash and burn I tried St. John's Wort again and it had no affect on my anxiety and depression. When I had to force myself to go outside and dig in the dirt (gardening and plants is a passion and a therapy for me and has been for many many years) that's when I knew I was in trouble.

With the PN I'm having issues now of how this is affecting and will affect everything I do. I've gotten to the point on this road of knowing there are things that I'll never do. Because of the PN. I've looked into the future wondering just how bad this is going to get. And without a concrete diagnosis there's really no way of knowing for sure.

Now, I try not to look too far ahead. Sufficient unto this day.... My goal is to make it through today. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

SSRIs are options that work for a lot of folks.

Welbutrin is the only one I can take and it does help me with pain....interesting as the many of SSRIs are contraindicated in CMT or HSNs....check out the list of 'bad' meds for Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, which is a weird name for Hereditary Neuropathies of many types....the definition has been broadened, and there is wrangling over what to call what and who 'owns' what.

To think one can have a chronic disease and not have some depression is absurd....I don't even call it depression in those cases....

I call it 'adaptational affect'. Same as PTSD....of course, you are not going to come out of a traumatic experience 'normal', you get an 'adaptaional affect' or way of dealing with what happened to you.....life events change things.

It is fine, it is NORMAL. If you have chronic disease and are Pollyanna all the time I think you are more likely psychotic. When you look in your linen closet and see Miralax, enemas and a box of gloves, it does not put a smile on your face....unless you are really, really wierd.

Chronic disease, especially when it starts to shut down what you never thought about what your body did by itself when you were healthy, is not uplifting.

There are things one can do to alter the way you frame things.....You can use remedies, and of course, as you all do, make merry over small accomplishments, and appreciate, that effort and courage went into those accomplishments.

Treatments can be natural, synthetic, it can be light...light helps me, but I live so dang far north, and my genetics indicate I should really sleep all winter...wake up now and then and chew on reindeer marrow, 'down' a caribou eyeball, and go back to sleep....and then wake up ready to wear a swimsuit around the first of May and party 24/7 until Halloween, upon when I should simply fall asleep again. I do not understand why the modern world does not work like this.

Every winter I get into a funk, and it takes until mid June to get myself going...I have avoided this funk only a few years by exercising...too much....worked on the depression-killed the joints and muscles....then we all know about my adventure with the kite and skis...(an attempt to not get winter depression) even before I knew I had neuropathy.

This year I wanted snowshoes for Christmas, but my family nixed it due to global warming....'You won't get to use them" Right....I think we have had at least 3 feet of snow....I can still see my mailbox, but it is on a slant now.

I swear that plow guy just loves knocking off boxes. I bet he has stickers of mailboxes on his truck....one for every box he did in...like some military pilot.

I gave up on skis...that foot flopping would probably work OK on skis, but the balance thing....not to mention getting up when those skis are crossed and the tips in your armpits and you are on your back like a turtle....it isn't pretty....Lord you can't even reach your cell phone...especially when your arm is broken (been there-done that). For those few moments I was not depressed...I was invigorated...that lasted a few hours until after I left the ER, in a cast.

Depression---it is not a dirty word....'Depression' indicates to me, that if your world is all fine and dandy, and you are still sad.....you are depressed.

If your world is not fine and dandy, for whatever the reason---being sad, anxious, irritable, sleepless, overeating, undereating, unsocial etc, is kind of what happens......it is not a state of being to be ashamed of or to hide...

That said, you have to fight it...or it gets worse. You may not want to use some of my more controversial methods....I am getting old enough that those methods could land me in a nursing home, and I don't think I would ever get over that 'depression'.

If you can't change your circumstances (most of us can't) we can only reframe what is happening in a different light....and take what steps we can to assist ourselves.

Movement, music, vitamins, church, social activities, lights and meds all work to some extent.....sometimes even just 'committing' to doing something about it works.

That said, I still can't get to the swimming pool....maybe when it gets above 15 degrees, I can contemplate getting that wet, and going outside to a cold car....but I know it would help my 'depression'.

Oh, and there is that matter of not looking like one of those dream 'avatars' in my swimming suit.... I am amazed at where certain anatomy has migrated to. Rather than getting depressed I can see if I can get it to migrate back. Geese go back and forth every year...

I will just have to use my imagination, and get over the reality of what is.....I am what I think I am, right??? I think I have a stability ball in my closet somewhere....maybe what migrates down can migrate up again??? Hope springs eternal.

All of us have the right to be 'depressed' what ever that is....sad, mad, grumpy, irritable, hungry, not hungry, sleepy, sleepless etc. If a doc asks me if I am depressed, now I answer him/her, 'if you were me would you be and if so, what would YOU do about it?'

Life is not a bowl of cherries---at least not without the pits.

I don't even think 'Life is like a box of chocolates'....at least what you get is sweet each time, even if you break a tooth on a nut, it was sweet and yummy.

Life has been more like eating a banana with salsa, or oatmeal with corn nuts mixed in....none of it has been easy ever, and if it was, I think I would not know how to cope with it.

Life is an unhill climb, with scary downhill slips, bumps and bruises, hanging on for dear life, being out of breath, scared to death of falling, and not looking down or back.....

and if you are not discouraged, and scared at times, you are just not in touch with reality.....

The point, and you all do it, and know it, is to keep climbing....each plateau along the way, gives you a new view of the big picture...and a sense of where you have been....how far you have all really come!!

Billye---Congrats on the driving!!! I am in awe of that----next, the Indy 500!

As they used to say about Mad Stan (and if anybody knows that reference, I owe them a gluten-free cookie) once she gets on a rant, she's unstoppable.

Seriously, there is much to be said for the idea that if one is NOT at least a bit depressed when hit with chronic, painful, "idiopathic" conditions as so many of us have been, then one is far more unbalanced than one who does experience depression. The trick becomes where does one go from there--does one respond adaptively.

The sad truth is that most of the doctors we go to have litttle training in psychology/psychiatry, and are so often divorced from their feelings and intutitions by the day-to-day grind of modern medical practice, they assume that such feelings of depression are pathologic. The scandal of women entering into physicians offices and ASSUMED to be suffering from degree of clinical depression if a "smoking gun" for their symptoms is not immediately found is far too enraging for me to even BEGIN to discuss.

Life may not be a box of chocolates all the time, but I feel comfortable in asserting, especially when hit with these "no-see-um, no-know-what-they-um" conditions, that life becomes much like a septic tank--what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. And that decision to be adaptive, to be proactive, is as good an indication of mental health as there is.