I agree this post is very emotional. Tony I am so sorry. I don't have much to offer other then you have been in my thoughts. Your post has really made me think and I guess feel many emotions.I have had major problems with docs and adequate pain control. Staying in the moment is very hard for me and taking the day as it comes. I know many here or worse off so I know I should feel lucky.It is still hard though very hard.I never thought especially at my age I would face this though at any age it is horrible. Tony and others who have been through so much and have fought so hard really are so inspirational to me. Truly the impact you all have had on me is unreal and has helped me get through these times. Also I agree about saying how you feel. A feeling is a feeling and keeping them in eats at you. Always when I am upset my mom encourage me to have a good cry and you know in the end it makes me feel better. Many hugs to all.