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Old 10-10-2006, 03:30 PM #1
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Talking Pet Rules


PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
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Old 10-10-2006, 05:26 PM #2
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hehehehehehehe
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Old 10-11-2006, 07:37 PM #3
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So funny yet so true
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Old 10-11-2006, 07:55 PM #4
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That was a good one. My dog Shadow will jump on our bed to stake her claim when she sees that we are getting ready for bed. It was cute when she was little but now...not that cute. Ok its still cute
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...Sue
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Old 10-11-2006, 10:47 PM #5
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Quote:
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
My cat is small and has no tail, but she tends to lay out perpendicular. My BF and I only have a queen-size bed.
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Old 10-13-2006, 03:48 PM #6
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"FUR"niture...
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We had a Golden Retriever, and while I tried very hard to train all of our guests over more than ten years to where tan or beige clothing when visiting, my MIL always arrived in black. Some people never learn!

Cara
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Old 10-15-2006, 02:13 AM #7
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I am always amazed as to how much of a king size bed a 20lb dog needs for a good night's rest.
Anne
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Old 10-15-2006, 05:12 PM #8
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I luv this email and everytime I read it I giggle. It is so true. I have a little Shih Tzu and it seems that my king size bed just isn't big enough for her. Just amazes me.
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Old 10-16-2006, 02:15 AM #9
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Oh, I LOVE the message for the front door!!!
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When my children were younger and my youngest in elementary school, she wanted our doberman to share her bed ... a TWIN bed. And the dobie, Keylo, would sleep, back against the wall, her four legs stretched out stiff across Kat's body. And Kat adored it and so who was I to concern myself how the two bedmates shared the bed?
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-Theresa
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