Or the big lines anyway...

So I'm 15 years old, male, from The Netherlands. I live with fosterparents since I was 14 but now since a while its permanent fosterparents at least.
We, my brother and I were removed from our parents house after my father put me in the hospital with broken bones and internal bleedings. Also then they found out about the s.abuse.

Lot's of moving around followed and the s.abuse didnt really stop because besides my father many other people were involved also. About a year ago I lost vision in one eye due to an accident with cleaning chemicals.. Actually it wasn't really an accident becuase my fosterparents of then had been hurting me with cigarettes etc and pouring the cleaning fluids over my burns to make it hurt more... To this day i dont know exactly how it happened but i got a lot of it in my face and eye also and because they didnt allow me to go to the hospital or wash it out I turned blind in that eye. Thats also when the headaches started, 24/7 sometimes to the point I have problems with my balance but most of the time its just... annoying I guess.

We got a 'permanent fosterfamily' after that but after a few weeks they said we were to much to handle, i guess they'd preferred cute babies or kids with no problems or something... They knew about our past and my brothers illness, so that was no excuse.

Around that time we'd found out my brother had leukemia, AML, rare in children. After intensive chemotherapy treatments he went into remission last summer.
Not long after, at the end of december 2008, we found out the leukemia relapsed though so in january they began with chemo treatments again. This meant he would need a bone marrow transplantation also.
After the first round of chemo they told us, the chemo doesnt work and they dont really have hope anymore...

Thats when my world truly collapsed around me. We've always been very close and watching him go trough this was hard enough already let alone having to watch him die... They tried chemo combined with experimental treatments but it didnt work, his body couldn't cope. He died a few weeks ago... He was 13 years old. And now i'm truly alone...

Ok so thats most of my story i guess. I've been seeing a T since december last year but not very regularly yet. They diagnosed me with PTSD and they are talking about depression but i guess i could have guessed that myself. I'm not sure what I hope to find here but at least I gave telling my ... story... another try I guess. Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading...

Colours

Dear Colours,

If you stick around and get to know the members of this forum-I'm sure you will find lots of support.
What seems to be special about this place is that it doesn't matter what your specific problem is-so many of the members have made it through such huge or complicated situations of their own that they "get it".
I hope your journey starts including some healing and comforting things so it will be easier for you to cope.
It is nice to meet you, Colours.

I am so sad to hear of all you have suffered Colours and my deepest sympathy at the loss of your brother

I hope and pray life will take a good turn for you. I know you will find many caring people here.

I would also like to tell you about our sister site at PC as it is more specifically geared to provide support for PTSD and the situations and traumas you have sadly been subjected to. Here is a link to the forums there so you can look around and see if you feel comfortable posting there too. Many members there sadly have been through similar experiences and so perhaps you will find a good support network there too to help you in your recovery

http://forums.psychcentral.com/index.php

I pray you find hope and healing

Colours..that's a lot of sadness in one so young..I'm so sorry.
These NeuroTalk forums are great places to get and give support.
You'll find friends here, people who really care and want to help.

I'm glad you've found us.

thanks ..................

Colours, I am so very sorry for all the pain you have experienced in your short life. And to lose your dear brother on top of all of that is heart-wrenching.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. I do hope that things will improve for you. You deserve to be happy.

I left you a message earlier (on your profile page) before I read this post. Welcome to NeuroTalk. CheMar is right, we are a supportive community here, but you should really check out the link she posted.

yeah i know the site. thanks

is there ever someone in chat here? just wondering cause it always says its empty

hi
more people seem to use the chatrooms here in the evenings than daytime

yeah i suppose that is when i'm not usually online. It's ok! I was just wondering