A Bit Humor
 

Two patients limp into two different American medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, has a time booked for surgery the next day and, within two days, is home recuperating.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

Nice one, Roz!! :Wave-Hello:

OK, here's a daft one:

There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successfull in his job and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate the best food, mixed with the best people. All was fine until one day the captain bought a parrot.

The highlight of the parrot's day was going along to see the magician in action in the evening. During the magician's performances, the parrot would watch him very carefully during each trick, and immediately after the magician had completed the trick the parrot would call out in a loud squark, "It's up his sleeve, it's up his sleeve," or, "It's down his trousers, it's down his trousers," each time ruining the magician's trick.

Well life was no longer as sweet and the magician started to struggle to satisfy the passengers. The magician naturally got very tired of the parrot and longed to kill it.

Then one night in the middle of the magician's performances, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone was killed except for the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage, climbed aboard and collapsed. The parrot flew towards the magician and perched on the edge of the raft and stared at the magician.

For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot did not take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir, and looked up not really knowing where he was or what had happened. He eventually found enough energy to sit up. He then noticed the parrot, who had not stopped focusing his eyes on him all this time.

"Alright I give up....." chirped the parrot, ".....what have you done with the ship?"

all the best :p

Hi Artist,

I am still laughing, my brother has a African Grey that drives a person nuts. Hugs, Roz

Buckwheat,
 

That was really funny. It brings back what my nurse told Bill not long before he died.

Bill went in and asked her why it was, You can take a dog to a vet one time and the vet gets knows exactly what is wrong and takes care of him but a person can go to a Dr. over and over and never gets well. Our nurse had the right answer. The dog can't pay.

Ada

Dear Ada,

Your husband was very wise.

I have heard it's harder to get into Veterinary School, in the States then Med. School. Hugs, Roz

Medical Record Bloopers | Clinical Humor | Develop Your Sense of Humor | Jokes | Links

Medical Record Blunders
back to top

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Excuse me, what are you doing with that pen light?)

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. (Anatomy review time!)

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (An empowered patient.)

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

We will follow her eyes and nose with a foley catheter.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

Hugs, Roz

OMG, Roz, :ROTFLMAO: - those just get funnier and funnier!! I have tears running down my face!

Thank you *so* much for starting this thread ;)
all the best!

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

He looks through a catalogue in the plastic surgeon's office.




Patient to eye doctor:
"I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation,doctor. What are the chances?"

Eye doctor to patient: "Don't worry you won't be able to see the difference."

Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease
 

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.

Blonde joke
 

Heard about the blonde fired from the MM factory?

She kept throwing out the WW's :D

.................................................. .....

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Give her an M&M bag, and tell her to alphabetize it.

A man staggered up to the pharmacy counter.

"Would you give something for my head?" the man asked.

"Why?" the pharmacist said, looking up. "What would I do with it?"


What do you call a receptionist in a beauty salon?

A hair-traffic controller!

How do you know you are speaking with an extroverted accountant?

He looks at your shoes when he is talking with you! :p

OMG--WHERE on EARTH do you guys come up with these jokes??????? They are HYSTERICAL!!!

GOOD JOB! Keep em coming!!!!!!

(I just heard one joke told to me by a friend, but I am afraid it might possibly not be so good for the Gentlemen, as it concerns a very "sensitive issue").;) But I will keep my ears open for some really appropriate jokes!

STILL laughing about the jokes here!!!!!

Brokenwings

Nurses and Doctors
 

Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twelve: One to do it. one to chart it. ten to write the policy and procedure.

.................................................. ..........................................

Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty: one primary care physican to change it and 19 specialists to take it apart and look at it under a microscope.

Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. 2, but I dont know how they got in there!

Hey Allen - LOL ;)

Talking of light bulbs...

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Rottweiler: Make me!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

all the best :D

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab test." :)

Actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
My care was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
An invisible care come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear-end showing.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

P.S. I hope you guys/gals can be patient with me. I will post in time, but having a hard time right now. Trying to learn all I can, and it's hard to accept. Keep the faith all.

Thanks a bunch,
WhatsRSD :)

My Grandson told me this one this morning. I didn't even get it until he explained it but if you get it it's funny.

This 80 year old lady decided to commit suicide.
She got to thinking, What if I shoot myself in the wrong place and I just end up paralized. She called her Dr. and asked him where her heart was. He told her it was underneath her left breast. She shot herself in the knee.

Ada

let's keep em coming........
 

Lesson In Life.

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became
very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do lots of
things that took two arms.

One day in his despair,he decided to commit suicide. He got on an
elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was
standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along,
whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that
this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for
myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a
man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on
with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him
how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and
felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him
again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm
if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his
heels again.

He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"


He said, "I'm NOT happy ... my butt itches."

here is another one...........
 

Fw: peanuts
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> >
> >>>> >A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a
> > highway
> >>>> >when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers
> > him
> >>>>a
> >>>> >handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she
> >>>>hands
> >>>> >him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five
> >>>>more
> >>>> >times.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >When she is about to hand him another batch, he asks the little old
> >>>>lady,
> >>>> >why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?
> >>>> >
> >>>> >"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
> >>>> >
> >>>> >It pays to be careful around old people.

A drunk walks into a bar
 

and sits down, and demands the bar tender to pour him a drink of scotch! The bar tender pours him a scotch, and the drunk downs all but a little bit in the bottom of the glass. He then opens his shirt pocket and pours the rest of the booze into his pocket.

Well after several drinks the bar tender decides the drunk has had enough, and when the drunk demands another drink. The bar tender tells him " sorry sir but I cant let you waste any more good scotch by pouring down in your shirt pocket ". Well the drunk got mad! He hollers at the bar tender, Give me another scotch! and if I want anymore outta you I will knock it outta you!

About that time a little mouse pops up out of the shirt pocket and says that goesssshhh for your DANG cat tooo!

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

What's worse then a bus load of Lawyers going over a cliff?

One seat is empty.



How many Physchiatrist does it take to change a light bulb?

20. One to change it and 19 to reason why.

Ada

A platoon of soldiers in Iraq were pulled off the line for a weeks R&R; it was still desert, but safe enough so people could wander off and get some alone time. One soldier was strolling along when he saw what looked like an ancient earthen-ware bottle. He picked it up and brushed the sand away.

Suddenly there was a popping sound and a whoosh of air, then a djini dressed in satin, puffy clothes plopped down on the ground. He flexed his arms and legs, rubbed a sore calf, then said:

"I''ve been in that bottle for more than 3,000 years and at last I'm free. I don't know if you know the rules, but for letting me out I have to give you one wish. I wish I could do more, but that's it"

The soldier instantly whipped a map of the Middle-East from his pocket.

"I want peace here" he said excitedly, "Not just for me and my buddies, but for the world"

The djini stared at him. "Do you know what you're asking? This has been going on for thousands of years. I got stuck in that bottle because of it. It can't be done. Think of something else...please".

The soldier walked a few feet away, sat down and stared at his feet. What to do? He had been praying for peace in the region since before he joined the Army. Nothing was even close to his desire for peace. Finally, after 15 minutes, he stood up and walked back to the djini.

"I want my wife to wake up once a month with an unquenchable desire to make love to me for an hour. Once a month for the rest of my life".

The djini stared at him, then he walked a few feet away, sat down and stared at his feer. He didn't move for half an hour, then stood up and walked back to the soldier.

"Let me look at that map again".

A NEW DOCTOR...WHO DOESN'T RUN A BUNCH OF EXPENSIVE TESTS..


A woman went to the GP's group, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.

After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She
burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story,
he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"What's the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded.
"This woman is 63 years old , she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you
told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

"Does she still have the hiccups?"

OK, more daft stuff....

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other, and says "Does this taste funny to you?"
-------------
Q: If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
A: European!
--------------
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my sisters though."
-----------------
So these two dyslexics walk into a bra...
-----------------
Three doctors were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

The first one said, “I’m the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and eight months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”

The second doctor said, “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and two years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics.”

The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s *** and a cowboy hat.

“Now he’s president of the United States.”



(-------- artist ducks behind couch :D )
all the best!

A little Chuck Norris!
 

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman..... Over the phone.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

Chuck Norris makes onions CRY!!!

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris .

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... All of which are poisonous.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris .

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
:D

Allent--are you SURE this is about Chuck Norrris?! Kinda sounds like our "Governator", Arnie!!!;)

Enjoying the jokes immensely!!!!!!:D

Brokenwings

Hahahahahahaha!!
 

That is soooo true!

Im gonna change everything to Arnold the govenator! Hahahahaha!

He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard ...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right.
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer.
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked
the **** out of him ...

Like his mama used to do.

.................................................. ................................

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes,
somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from
California if:

1.
Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are
visible.

2.
You make over $300, 000 and still can't afford a
house.

3.
You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in
English

4.
Your child's 3rd-grad e teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named
Flower.

5.
You
can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6.
You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm
donor.

7.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and
you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8.
You
can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9.
A really great parking space can totally move you to
tears.

10.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere
else in the U.S.

11.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house
payment.

13.
You
can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14.
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM
WATCH."

15 .
You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with
their cells or pagers.

16.
It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to
avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17.
HEY!!!!
Is pot illegal????

18.
Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic
surgeons.

19.
The
Terminator is your governor.


20.
If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here
illegally, they want to give you one

.................................................. ...........................................

Like him or hate him, this is funny.


The War Department briefed the President this morning. They told Bush that 2 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

lol..
 

Two hillbillies were sitting around talking one afternoon.

Afterwhile thefirst fellow says to the second, "If I was to sneak over

Toyour placeSaturday and make love to your wife while you

Was off huntin',and she gotpregnant and had a baby,

Wouldthat make us kin?"


The second fellow crooked his head sideways for aminute,scratched hishead,

And squinted his eyes like he was thinkingreal hardabout thequestion.


Finally, he said, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even."

Two drunks were watching TV when a news brief came on saying that they would tell about a man jumping off of a 10 story building on the 11 O'clock news.

The first drunk said, "I'll bet you 10 dollars he jumps, the second drunk says I'll bet 10 dollars he doesn't.

When the 11 O'clock news came on the man jumped off of the 10 story building killing himself. The first drunk said, " Here's your 10 dollars, I watched the 5 O'clock news and I knew he'd jump, the second drunk said that's ok, you keep it, I watched the 5 O'clock news too. I just didn't think the fool would jump twice.

Ada

Doctor jokes
 

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in.

Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man."

He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?"

"No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone."
.................................................. ..............................................

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.

"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
.................................................. ..................................................

Judy rushed in to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of moments, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
.................................................. .................................................. ....


A woman went to doctors the office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.

"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

Blonde's don't take offense, I'm a blonde too. LOL
 

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the State Capitals. She said go ahead ask me any state you want to and I can tell you the Capital of it.

The friend said ok Wyoming. The blonde said oh that's easy, W.

2 blondes were driving down the road and saw another blonde rowing a boat through a wheatfield. One said she's one of the reason's blondes get a bad rep for being dumb. The other one said, " yeah, If I could swim, I'd swim over there and drown her.

How does Micheal Jackson pick his nose?

Out of a catalog in the Surgeon's office.


Why did the blonde get fired at the M and M factory.

She kept throwing away the WW's

How do you keep a blonde confused in an MM factory? Tell her to alphebetise them. How does she confuse you? When she says she did it.

How do you keep a blonde confused?

Take a piece of paper and write "turn over" on both sides of it".

2 blondes
 

Two blonds are walking down the road when one says ''Look at that dog with one eye!''

The other blond covers one of her eyes and says ''Where?''


:ROTFLMAO:

Dearest allen,
I need that. :wink: I am post surgery from on Oct-06 they are going in with Vancomycin. My MD believes I got a STAPH infection from surgery. Hugs, Roz

Nice one, Allen! Hey Roz...good luck, sweetie!

And now for a nice little poem (or kewl pome..):

Eye have a grate come pewter,
The lay test gnu pea sea;
It will a cyst me two low Kate
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore to long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right in men knee stiles ,
And aides me when aye rime.

Sew now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know tie pose in my cite,
Of non eye yam a wear.

Eye ran this poem threw it
Your shore reel glad two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

all the best :)

Blonde and a Brunette
 

A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.

The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal."

The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer on her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car yet.

The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of
pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde
seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman
then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very
small - what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they
are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not
need curtains!"

The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover the valve stem.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will be prayin for ya Roz :hug:

Seems things for us just keep coming, but these funnies really help :winky:

Did you hear about the blond that thought nitrates were cheaper then day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde that brought her cosmetics to a make-up exam?

Did you hear about the blonde who wondered why they didn't get taller ballerinas?

Ada