Please let it end
 

Hi, I've never posted here before and I don't know if this is where I should post , but it seems the most applicable. I've been seriously depressed for about three years, I desperatly want to die and I can't force myself to exist very much longer. how can i possibly cope with the pain when literaly everything in the world makes me hurt even worse. I just cant stand all the pain and the suffering and the greed and the corruption. It taints everyone no matter how good and pure they once were. I am completly alone i have no skills, talents, or even interests. I can just barely force myself to accomplish even the simplest of tasks like changing clothes or eating. And on top of it all, i just found out that my one and only friend is not at all the person I thought she was, and it turns out i have no idea who she even is. So here I am, it's two in the morning, I can't stop planning my own death, and I am continuously fighting very powerful urges to jump off buildings or to cut my wrists. Also i've prayed to God several times to kill me, and I really hope He'll forgive me for commiting suicide because i can't see myself alive a week from now. I honestly don't believe that there is anyting anyone can say or do to make me feel any better, I just want someone in this terrible world to know how I felt.

Thank you for listining to my pathetic self pity.

2am is a very lonely time for anyone in your circumstances.... awake and feeling down. You are not alone. I care!

Click this link and come and join me in the Sleepless at SOS thread. Maybe we can keep each other company. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread103360.html

If you prefer not to, then that's fine too. I'm happy to "talk" to you here, if you would prefer that. :hug:

I'm sorry to see that I missed you thelonely1. If you come back tonight I may still be around, so please do post here or in the thread I gave you the link to, above. I'll be looking out for you. :hug:

I'm here most nights when others are tucked up in bed, so please drop in if you'd like some-one to keep you company.

I'm glad you chose this forum to make your initial post. This is a wonderful group and very supportive of each other. Most of our members have been in a situation that could equate to your own in some way, either because they've been there themselves, or some-one they love has been there.

Please have a look at this website, and keep the phone numbers handy. I think you'll find that the people on the other end of the telephone will understand as well.
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ipe/ysp/index.shtml

I know that things must look bleak at the moment, but please take a minute to read the information at the bottom of one of our member's pages. Her user name is Alffe, and here's the message that she posted: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Although you might feel it hard to believe that a mere stranger can care for another they've not yet met, then please spend a while and get to know us thelonely1. Hopefully we can convince you, and you won't be lonely any more.

welcome to our group. i'm glad that you wrote on here - it's a great community of really caring and sincere people (sometimes hard to find in this world).

i know what it's like to think that everyone is tainted and selfish....but this is a safe environment.

please continue posting.

Hello,
Tell us more about yourself. :grouphug:

Are you are being treated for your depression??
At all? - maybe a different med or combo would help ?

Hello thelonely1,

I hope that in finding this forum, you realize you have found a haven of support ...

I know all about depression - and reaching out is one of the most difficult things to do... it take a lot of courage ...

posting here took courage! Congrats on that first step :hug:

Please reach out for help from a doctor, too... if you're already on meds - tell him/her that they're not working (finding the right depression med can be very draining but the end result is worth it, along with the right therapy) ... educate yourself about depression...

Become your own best friend... we're here to help you :grouphug:

I don't think it's pathetic self pity you're feeling and I hope today is some better for you. You have definitely come to the right forum to talk about it. We don't judge people for talking about what they are feeling...people can't help you if they don't know how you feel. :grouphug:

Please come back and talk to us-tell us how your are feeling. This is a place where you can say anything and we will understand. Can you get to a hospital or doctor where they can help you? I'm sorry your friend let you down, but that doesn't diminish your value. You are important. Sometimes the right medicine can help us take baby steps to help ourselves. Please try.

Thank you all for posting and trying to help, its nice to know that at least some people in the world want to listen. :Thanx:
I've only ever told one person I'm depressed (besides doctors that is). She's the only person who ever made me feel like I was cared for. She was always trying to make me be optimistic, and even got me to start taking meds. But since then I've driven her off; I think she got tired of trying to fix a person that obviously didn't think they could be fixed. And I eventually got sick of trying and stopped taking my meds. It takes too much energy to go to the doctor, get some meds, take them for a while, realize (unsurprisingly) they don't do anything at all, then do it all over again with one of the million other equally useless meds. Besides, I can barley pay rent as it is, without adding the cost of doctor visits and new meds. I long ago gave up hope of getting better.:Sigh:
Anyway....thanks again for listining. I'll try to keep coming back to post.

I tried to post again here yesterday.... but it dosen't look like it stuck.
Hmmmmm...:confused:
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. It's nice to know someone is listening. :Thanx:
I'll try to keep posting here.

Hi! I am so glad you came back/ And thanks for telling us a little more of your story. tell us more whenever you are ready. We do like to listen, because we know that telling your story is helpful-it can get you to look at it a little bit differently sometimes-when you get feedback. We have been where you are-not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it can get better. I am glad you are going to keep coming back here-that is a great start. See the topics "pinned" at the top of this section? There are some helpful ones to read.

Oh that hopeless feeling is such an awful Beast! I'm so glad you're back here and talking to us. If you're drug resistant and lack the energy to go back to the dr, looks like you'll have to "fix it" yourself....easier said than done I know but you are definitely worth the try.

Do you like the read? I recently read Shoot The Dam Dog and for the first time I understood that depression is an illness like any other illness and the author herself struggled successfully with her depresssion.

Tell us more about yourself and the expierences you've had that brought you to this place in your life. We care...and listen with our hearts. :grouphug:

I'm going to be in and out of here for the next several days as my girls are home visiting but that black hole you're in has "sides" and there are people standing close by to help. :hug:And don't forget to read my "signature"...metanoia.org. Just click on it.

It's good to see you back thelonely1; I hope you're feeling a little better today. It warmed my heart to see that you'd replied, and I look forward to getting to know you a little better when you feel up to it.

I hope you can see what a wonderful group of members we have here on NeuroTalk, and especially here in this forum. Welcome again. :hug:

thelonely1:hug:

I'm thinking of you and hoping that you're feeling better. Wish that I could take away your hurt.

Sorry I haven't been on for a few days...I don't really know what to write, or how to convert my thoughts into something understandable to others.

Shareing my problems with other people has never been very beneficial for me. I find it usualy just makes their lives harder. As much as I apreciate it when someone tries to cheer me up, it also makes me feel bad because I don't really believe what their saying. I'm incapable of optimism, I can't see the bright side of things, and eventualy everyone just gives up hope on me and moves on to something less depressing (and I don't blame them). And then I'm alone and abandoned all over again.

In my experiance, the word "friend" means someone who will toleate my presence only as long as it's beneficial and conviniant for them. Once had "friends" who practically lived in my appartment for two years, then as soon as they found another place to hang out they were gone and I haven't heard from them since. And the only reason I have roommates now is because they needed a third person to split the rent with. They've alredy made plans to move away as soon as possible.

I just don't fit in with anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I have no money, no skills, no talents, no interests. Nothing. I know it sounds like an exageration but it really isn't. Everything I do during the day is simply a means to kill time before I can go to sleep. If I could have it my way, I would never even get up in the morning. I would just lie there in bed and think my horrible, depressing thoughts until I starved to death.

No wonder I've been having death fantasies since childhood...

Anyway, thanks for listening. And thank you all for your posts, my online friends already outnumber my real world friends :)

thelonely1,
Thank you so much for being so honest. I was sitting here crying my eyes out because I could identify to what your going through and felt the pain that is typically medicated away 24/7.

Lately my freinds are being slightly edgy when they talk to me and lately its been so long since I've seen any of them and sometime I think THEY are better off that way.

I have a career that I have always been passionate about, but lately its very hard to focus or be motivated at all. For awhile I was down to only being motivated by the money as a way to get out of bed everyday. I have no other interests left other than struggling to stay employed, doing drugs all day and night, and trying to hold it all together and not go psychotic. I sleep a few hours (bad insomnia) and then I'm back at working or doing more drugs. ( I became addicted to psych meds I was prescribed years ago and the addiction is out of control.)

Do you have any kind of substance abuse issue as well? My brain is so dopamine deprived its sick what extremes I find myself going to just to feel something anymore. And the goddamn SSRI's dont work. I was a lab rat for awhile too.

I recently admitted to my councelor that I've had a death wish for years.

Anyway, reading that I was not alone helped me and I honestly hope that in even some small way you feel less alone as well. I would end this by saying be well, but at this level we both know its just survival.

Dear TL,
What does get you up in the morning? A llittle bit of hope that things will get a little bit better? That's a start. And you keep coming back to tell us more about yourself-that's another push forward.
I am glad you found us-this is one place you can tell your story as often and as much as you want and we won't get tired of hearing from you.

(I was just wondering-do you have a pet? Do you like animals? Sometimes they can give us comfort when no one else seems to understand.)

You're among friends.
 

I’ve read all your posts and found them poignant, heartrending and familiar. Depression is not self-pity. It is a medical condition like a heart attack or diabetes – and its sufferers deserve to be treated with the same concern and dignity. In fact, I think it’s one of the hardest maladies to face.

I started to suffer serious depression because of a brain injury I sustained in a car accident. I had to be cut out of my truck and my body was a wreck. However, of all the many, many injuries I sustained, none has come close to being as difficult as the “blue fog.” I know it’s hard, but try not to feel guilty about your depression: it’s as real as any limb amputation.

I’m glad you’ve come back to NT. Like Sue’s adopt a pet recommendation, people here can make practical suggestions that really can help. Additionally, you can tell them your story as often as you want and always receive an ear that is not just sympathetic, but empathetic. People here really understand what you’re talking about: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY, POTITIVELY NOT ALONE.

If you ever need to say something that you don’t feel comfortable posting to the general forum, there are NT subgroups like For those times when we're down...., where you are guaranteed to find like-minded people.

Returning to NT is a positive, proactive step that shows you still have some little ember of hope. I hope you will let us all help you fan that into a bigger flame that warms you and lights your way to a better future.

Hang in there – we’re all pulling for you.:grouphug:

No, Kristen, and lonely1, you are definately not alone in your feelings and challenges when it comes to dealing with chronic depression.

I have dealt with it since I was a child in varying degrees, and for varying amounts of time. I understand the addiction to those medications, and what bothers me is that docs don't tell you that will happen. And before you know it, you can't get off of them. It is very frustrating, and can make life very difficult.

I use to take a ton load of medication just to survive. There are times when medication is needed, but, then there are times, at least for me, when it needs to be stopped. And, that is very difficult to do, and takes time, and patience. It took me two years to work my way off of a myriad of medications, and for one of them, I had to replace it with another, to finally be able to quit it.

It also took other factors in my life to help me through it. I needed a reason to live. I needed people who needed me, and a social network. I had to re-evaluate my spiritual values and goals in life. This takes a lot of personal work, and effort.

Nothing worth having in life comes without personal effort. And, we all need a friend. We CAN NOT do it alone. We try, but, we will fail. We need a spiritual connection.

I have found that reaching out to help others, helps me. It gives me a sense of satisfaction, and makes life worth living. It gives me a sense of value. And that is something we all need. We also need to be needed.

I still fight this beast, as you can see by my posts. I am exploring different ways to fight it. Finding what will work for you is paramount, but, that takes a willingness to try new things, and to be patient with yourself. It can take a lot of time and personal introspection to find what it is that you need, and what will help you to keep surviving, and, eventually, work your way into enjoying life again, even if for a few moments each day.

It is true that people, in general, do not understand depression, and have a hard time dealing with people who suffer with it. But, that can be true for many ailments.

Self-pity is one of our biggest enemies. Fighting is tiring, but, can be well worth it.

I hope you can find some small thing to smile about today, and I hope you can find some small comfort to keep you going.

Coming here and writing is definately pro-active. It has saved me many times, and I have seen it do the same for others. When you are really fighting, push yourself to come here and read, and write about it. It can really make a big difference. And, the people here really do care, and they really do 'get it' :grouphug:

The only reason I get out of bed in the morning is to go to work. It doesn't really have anything to do with hope, I just have to get up early, seven days a week, to go to work. If it wasn't for that I would stay in bed all day.

And to answer your question Kristen, no I don't have any substance abuse issues. I probably would if any meds had any effct at all, but I'm so resistant to medication I might as well be taking a sugar pill.

And thank you for this, it really does help to think i've made someone else feel a little better. :)

As always, thank you everyone for listening and posting.

:grouphug:Thinking of you two.:grouphug:

thelonely1,
wish I could do something to help you . . .. Mistiis said it well: "Nothing worth having in life comes without personal effort. And, we all need a friend. We CAN NOT do it alone. We try, but, we will fail. We need a spiritual connection."

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
reyn

Dear thelonely1
 

Dear Lonely,

You are far from pathetic. I, too, lack the energy and motivation to do the simplest of things, and it becomes worse. The world CAN be bad, but you cannot deny that there is good as well. We have no idea what death is like, but I hold the belief that there is no way to kill the Spirit, only the body; and that the body, i.e. this life is necessary for learning in order to prepare for whatever the future life may hold. Can you leave the house at all? If so, congratulations - you are able to do something! Concentrate on what you have and try to reach out to others. Do you have physical pain, or do you refer to emotional pain that is with you all the time. I'm not saying that one is worse than the other, but if you don't have both, or if the physical pain is not severe or constant, you HAVE something that some NT members do not have. If you have recently had a friend, regardless of said friend's character, you are capable of forming relationships, and that is a HAVE. If you look hard enough, many, if not most, people are just little, tiny persons who live in a world of pain of their own. Granted, some people have learned to be positive enough that they SEEM to have avoided this, but most have not, they are just good at hiding it, and they preoccupy themselves with other things, both good and bad, so that they don't feel it as much. I know how much you want to escape from your current situation, and I, too, have prayed to die. But we cannot say that we want to die, when we have no idea what that is like. I am not saying that I can live the following statement, but I know that it is true: positive actions bring more positive thoughts, and vice versa. Stay with us!!!!!! You may feel unable to DO anything, but you have things to learn. So do I!! PM me anytime. Caring About You ~ billie

DEAR Kristen, and lonely1,

Well you have cetainly arrived at the right place, at SOS.

Thoughts of Sicide and Death are exactly that THOUGHTS. They only mean something when the thoughts are put into action, until that they remain thoughts.

for more years than i care to remember i too have had these disgusting thoughts, and once or twice put action to thought, [completely unsuccessful thank god]

When the actions start to rise to the surface, you must seek imideate HELP. A+E [ER in the US] DONTsit there and allow the action of your thoughts take over, get up move, call 911 or get to a hospital as soon as possible.

When thoughts become actions, true sense of raltional behaviour goes out the window. So dont delay get help. Get a place of safety where Rationale can return and grief can express itself in a more clinical and sterile way. CRY CRY AND CRY MORE.....IT is a natural healing mechanism, it is your inner overflow pipe................................

Whenthe initial panic of suicidal thoughts subside.......concentrate on YOU............[NOT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE, NOT EVEN HOW YOU FEEL]
Concentrate on your person...........wash like you never bathed before....clean your nails, youyr hair, your teeth, ...............concentrate on each part of your body...................then dress in your finest clothes.....ironed to prestine condition with cleaned shoes..........and any accessories that your heart desires.................

then walk to a place you have never been before.........and submerge yourself in the surroundings..............have a coffe, a nice cake, a sandwich .............drink plenty of water [for the next few days not alcohol]////////////


BY FOCCUSING ON YOURSELF...YOUR APPEARANCE...YOUR SURROUNDINGS....AND NOT YOUR CRIPPLING ANXIETIES..........YOU CAN FIND BREATHING SPACE TO CARRY ON.



never think these thoughts will disapear without intervention...be it medication , or talk therapy, .....as they may just linger.................but will not truly disapear..........

you have to work at these feelings..............but rember they are THOUGHTS...NOT ACTIONS unless you ACT on them..................they CAN BE CONTAINED....

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS YOU JUST HAVE TO

WANT TO.

I'M LIVING PROOF:hug:

DAVID

Hi, I was just having a really sad, lonely day. It's Friday night and everyone is out partying with friends, and all I can do is sit here staring into space and wishing I had someone to talk to. Will anyone ever be able to tolerate my company? Am I really that unloveable?

Lonely
 

NO - you're not unloveable. Sometimes I think it;s just because people are so immersed in their own live that they don't look up and see a friend there. You are loved and don't for get it. I love you. Barbo

Lonely
 

NO - you're not unloveable. Sometimes I think it;s just because people are so immersed in their own live that they don't look up and see a friend there. You are loved and don't for get it. I love you. Barbo

Lonely1, I wish you had come into the chatroom with us and we could have gotten better acquainted. Up above, where it says Chat Rooms (0), if any of us are in there, click on it....last night it said (4).

And Barbo is right...I am a good example of being "immersed" in my own life right now...that explains my absence but you all are in my heart where ever I am. :grouphug:

I think I could handle all of my other problems a lot more easily if there was just one person who wanted to be with me. I don't need a huge group of friends, I just need one person that I'm truely important to. I feel like everyone I've ever known has only spent time with me to kill some time until they could meet the people they really want to be friends with. I don't add anything of value to anybodies life. I'm easily replacable.

I can't say I blame them. I'm way too damaged by life to be fun. I'm a college student. I live in a college town, and the favorite passtime of everyone in a college town is: Getting as drunk as possible, as often as possible. Now, both my grandfather and my mother were alcoholics. And because I've seen what alcohol does to people, the thought of people willingly drinking themselves into a stuper actualy phisically hurts me. It hurts me so bad it makes me sick to my stomach when I'm around it. This is one of the ways I drove away my one and only friend. I can't understand why people want to be corrupted by booze, and she thought I was judging her because of how much she drinks, but I only worry about her because I love her so much. After a while she just cut me out of her life. She traded me for the rest of her drinking buddies.

The sad thing is, she used to really care about me. When her asshole boyfriend dumped her after two and a half years of dating, I was her only friend. She called me every night, crying, because she needed someone to talk to. That was the closest to happiness I've ever been. She's the only person who has ever made me feel important, and in the past three years, those were the only days when I didn't hope and pray for death. Because she needed me to be alive. But eventually she was corrupted by the college scene just like everybody else. She discovered that if you drink enough, you'll be too drunk to feel sad, and she didn't need me anymore

Anyway, that's my rant. Just a tiny yet complicated piece of why I'm so screwed up today. I was looking for purity in a corrupt world, and every time the world dissapointed me, it made me hurt worse and worse, until finally I gave up hope. If I don't get my hopes up it hurts less when I am inevitably let down.

Lonely
 

Don't give your ex-friend the power to drag you down. There are other people out there who would enjoy your company. Try the library or a church - any church. Just visit once or twice. Chances are someone will approach you. Thinking of you. Barbo

lonely1... the most important person to you should be YOU...

what matters is what YOU think....

what matters is that you love yourself .... and in loving yourself... others will be gathered in

it took me a long time to love myself

it took me a long time to figure out a lot of things in this life and what bugs me is a I'm still figuring it out

and I imagine I will always be figuring it out

and I guess that's ok

because everytime I figure out something new

I grow by leaps and bounds

and I love myself more

how cool is that?

:hug:

http://www.cedu.niu.edu/~fulmer/starfish.htm


please read this to see just how important you are to the world

And in time: that 'ONE SPECIAL PERSON WILL ARRIVE IN YOUR LIFE'

David:hug:

There are many people here for you, thelonely1 and Kristen, who will listen, love, share with you. I don't love myself (actually, I think I probably still hate "me") but I know that there are people here who do love me, and they are always, always willing to reach out a hand to me or wrap their arms around me or share their journey/wisdom with me. You are not alone. Keep talking, and be a part of this family,
reyn

I just came back to say that the people who do love and care about me are my friends and family on this forum, not the "real-time" world/family, and I am grateful for that . . .

Another bad day for me.... :Sigh:

Soon I'll have dropped out of college. It takes so much time and effort and MONEY. No matter how hard I try I can't get interested in any class or desired profession. There's no point in kidding myself any longer, I'm just making my life harder and more stressful. Besides, there's no point in throwing money away for something I don't want.

Everyone thinks all of my problems would just go away if I would get a full time job, as if making me take steps toward a future would somehow make me want to live to see it. Nobody understands that I CAN'T get a full time job, I just don't have the energy. I can barely force myself to do my current part-time job, and I just got cut back to less than ten hours a week. But no normal person will ever accept this as an excuse, they'll just convivce themselves that I'm lazy and a loser, they won't accept the fact that I hate life so much that I'm not willing to take steps to make it last longer. I guess it's easier to judge me than it is to admit some people's lives aren't worth living.

I actually put a gun to my head this afternoon. I don't think I was going to pull the trigger, but it was somehow comforting to know that I easily could if I really wanted to.

Thank you for being the only people who will listen and understand.

I cannot tell you how much I hated reading that you have a gun!! I understand what you are feeling but it cannot get better if you kill yourself. I don't believe that you want your life to end...you want to have a life that you can enjoy...one that has promise and hope. I don't know how to help you see that it can get better, it can improve...but not if you end it.

If memory serves me, and it usually doesn't, Pter used to tell me that he felt in death, he'd continue to live the very same life he ended..because he ended it. That belief helped him continue to live.

It's a struggle...but you must survive! Thank you for not using that gun.
I remember walking around the cemetary with a loaded gun after our son Michael killed himself...today I am so glad that I didn't use it on myself.

It's good that you are talking about how you feel lonely1. :hug:

thelonely1, you are absolutely not alone. Although this is an online forum, there are many people who are ready and willing to communicate with you in whichever way you find easiest/most comfortable. If you are at that point that you feel your death by your own hands is close, you will have someone to confide in or someone who can help with talk therapy and/or medication, if you will just ask or reach out your hand.

About the gun -- unless it is absolutely necessary for "self protection" (and I'm conflicted about using that phrase), then you need to asked a trusted family member to secure this weapon in a lock-box which you cannot access alone.

Sorry. This may sound harsh, but you may need to face up to some facts that are not pleasant or comforting. PTer (on the old Brain Talk forum) was ever so loving and generous in his willingness to help me and others on the forum. To this day, I clearly remember his advice to "sit-on-my-hands." May sound simplistic at this point in your life, but I promise you that this technique will work time and time again. I will try to find an in depth study and will post to you if I can find it.

I had a grandmother who died by suicide, and I myself tried and would have died but for the grace of God.

thelonely1, numerous people are here who will listen, will understand, and will care about you. Please, please draw on your inner strength, come here so that family members will be able to support you, help to fortify you, give you sound advice, and care for your heart and soul. You don't ever have to be alone if you can just work every day, even just a little bit, to let people here know you and you to know/trust us.

((thelonely1)) You are in my thoughts and prayers, from my *heart,
reyn

(((thelonely1)))) I am very grateful that you responded to Alffe and reyn with your "thanks"... because it told me you are still here....

I seriously care and pray that you will be able to gather the strength from our dear wise friends, Alffe and reyn.... they have been where you are AND they have lost loved ones... they know the pain from both sides and have shared this with us for years....

I truly hope you find solace here in our forum... it is a safe place... :grouphug:

I hate it when I suffer the desperate headspace that you are in right now.... but one thing has always kept me afloat and that's knowing that I can and will get better because I've done it many times. Each time it gets a little easier to dig out of that hole.

My sister was suicidal her whole life until her daughter's boyfriend died. She loved him like a son and suffered a great loss... in losing him, she realized she could never make her loved ones suffer from taking her own life. So, she's a survivor.

I hope you're hanging on - and sincerely pray that you will keep trying to find the right medication and therapy to help you through this.

:hug:

Yes I'm still here....and still wishing I wasn't. I really just want to die. I wish I was strong enough to deal with life's problems, but I'm just not. Life is too hard, and I'm just too weak or lazy or stupid to deal with it. I don't want to try anymore, I just want it to be over.

People keep telling me that life will get better if I give it a chance, but it's been years and life just keeps getting worse. Then they tell me I just need to try another combonation of meds, but no one makes a pill that can cure my terrible life. I'll still have no friends, money, talent or purpose, and I'll still feel just as empty on the inside. How can I possibly live happily in a world I can't stand?

I don't know what to do. I desperatly want someone to comfort me and tell me it's going to be okay, but at the same time I know I'll never be able to believe it's true? And how long do I have to suffer before it's okay that I want to die?

:hug: You are going to need to get proactive with your depression dear girl. If you are drug resistant and don't have a tharapist to talk to then I want you to promise me that you'll change your "way of living". By that I mean you need to stop accepting your life as it is...and get busy trying to change it.

I got in "hot water" one time trying to talk to another forum member here who misunderstood my intentions....call it tough love, call it love but you need to find a reason to live. Why??? because we, all of us on this forum, want you to. You are too young to throw it all away.

Get a dog, or a cat, or a bird...find a church, help in the nursing homes by reading to the residents..serve meals at the Rescue Missions...volunteers are needed everywhere and what goes around, comes around. Go for a walk...a bike ride...write in a journal..bake cookies for your neighbors..great way to get acquainted.

Do something, try even if it's hard....and I know the first time will be the hardest.

And get mad at me if that will help! :grouphug:

Ditto what Alffe said!

thelonely1.... I am a real person as is everyone who types their words onto this screen... as are you

every one of us is reaching out and comforting you and telling you that you will be alright. :hug:

Every single one of us has walked a parallel path in your life... we do know what you are going through ....

you are in a desperate situation and you are the only one who can change right now... I think you're doing great in talking with us... I KNOW you're feeling rotten..

and that is why you have to go to the hospital and ask for help...

yes, it sucks trying to find the right med... accept that fact.... and keep trying until you find the right med....

you are worth it....

baby steps...
:hug: