my uncle passed away
 

my uncle died yesterday - dad's brother. we got word from his other brother. he had some problems in the past but recently was well. he started feeling ill so the family called an ambulance. he had a heart attack in the ambulance and two hours later in the hospital something else happened and he died. doctors were unclear as to cause of death. so, the family requested an autopsy which i think was sensible. hopefully then we will know something more.

funeral is tuesday. we have to travel so we are leaving monday, staying overnight, and returning tuesday night.

i just talked to my cousin to get some details on the arrangements because my dad didn't want to "bother" them, but my mom is going nuts because she is trying to sort out how we can travel with his medication which needs refrigeration. my cousin seemed to appreciate the call. she was very nice. we are not usually in touch so we exchanged cell phone numbers to facilitate further communications.

when she answered the phone and i told her that i was sorry about her dad, a huge lump suddenly materialized in my throat and i almost choked on the words.

i last saw my uncle when i was little. i mostly lived on the other side of the atlantic. the past years in europe, i have wanted to go visit, but due to circumstances on there side or ours, that didn't happen. and now he's gone and i am sad. i am sad for my dad too.

this is the first of my parents' siblings to have died and it makes my parents' mortality glare out at me too.

~ waves ~ of sadness keep coming over me.

I am sorry waves...I was with my uncle when he passed away...it was terrible, my mother and I had been taking turns to be with him while he lay in the hospital bed. He died of cancer. When I called my mom it was a very hard call to make.

Death is hard on the family and I am glad that you called your cousin, your dad must be hurting too.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm sorry about your uncle.

Mari

(((Beth and Mari)))
 

thank you both. :hug::hug::hug:

this is hard. it is slowly creeping up on me. i was cleaning when i found out and have kept cleaning. woke up this morning and cleaned. this afternoon i've been sitting here with a thousand browsers open trying to find trains and hotels and pharmacies and churches and this that and the other...

i think the call to my cousin perhaps drove it in a fair bit.

~ waves ~

poor waves....i am so sorry. it must be so unsettling for you......i am sure your parents are going to have a nice long life....they take good care of each other and you take care of them. It is still so sad and shocking.
love
bobby

So sorry to hear of your uncle passing.
:grouphug:

:hug: Waves and Family :hug:

I am sorry this has happened. You and the family have my condolences.

barbara

tired, sad, frustrated
 

Dear Bobby, Jo, and Barbara

thank you so much for your kind words. i really appreciate you guys. :hug::hug::hug:

still scouting out accommodations. pooped. :o but now have some places to try calling tomorrow. hopefully one will be available. hopefully the surgeon won't have a problem with my dad traveling. my mom is freaking out about that. she will call the clinic monday. dad doesn't want her to coz he wants to go anyway. and he is upset because we don't have reservations yet don't have train tickets yet etc etc etc etc.... aren't there yet... weren't there yesterday... :o but geez it takes time to "comb" googlemaps, services, reviews, etc ... for all our "must haves"
-- proximity to funeral location
-- fridge in room or available
-- CLEAN (some reviews say "we had insects in the room" or "shower had mould" or "room not cleaned when we arrived" :(
-- access to subway on foot
-- private bath

and i only found out the location this afternoon... i've been on it! i've been all over it! i did watch bones. :o sigh. i would have NEEDED a break, anyway, bones or no bones! :(

~ waves ~

Sorry!!
 

Waves
I am so sorry to hear about your lose and all that you and your entire family are going through. :hug: Good luck with all of the planning. I hope there are no problems with your father in your travels. I will be thinking of you.

collinsc

I am so sorry about your Uncle Wave's. You are right when it reminds us of our own parents. mortality. My parents are gone now, and mom's younger siblings area my agea and dh. THe Uncle dh age had open heart surgury last week. He is doing well. but Mom and two of her brothers are gone, Dad is gone and one brother advanced age.

My dh siblings are very muck older then he is. The sisters are still with us, he brothers are passed 15 and more years ago.

But for your dad's meds, there are a lot of medial type cooler, and we never had an issues with baby formula traveling.

Hugs for you, safe travels.
do:grouphug:

you have been busy waves I hope you slept tonight.
bizi:hug:

Dear Waves,
Your parents count on you and trust you to take on these duties.
You are doing well so far collecting info.

I can see why your father wants to go -- with or without the approval from the doc.

M.

Dear Waves
 

I'm sorry that your Uncle passed away. BF ((((Hugs)))):(:hug::hug:

whew
 

(((Collinsc, Di, Steve,)))

thank you all for your support. :hug: means much to me.

(((Beth & Mari)))

thanks for staying with me. i appreciate that, too. :hug:


DiMarie
how sad that you have lost so much of your family. :hug: i cannot imagine. it scares me. :(:(:(

as far as medicine containers, there aren't half the contraptions here as there are in the US. my mom bought a day pouch for insulin but it doesn't stay cold enough for long. it may, possibly, save us 1 dose. for the rest, we will have to buy the medication, use it and toss it at least a couple of times. looks like there are enough pharmacies at least. :o

Beth
i did get some sleep. although my dad woke upturned on bright lights in my room and had the fax/copier going beeep beeep beeep beeep. he couldn't wait! he wanted to copy something to give his brother. we are not leaving until tomorrow. but he is mister do things yesterday, and forget who stayed up till when doing what, just wake everybody up with light and sound. :mad: made me so mad, and then i also felt bad for being mad. :o

Mari
yes, i understand him wanting to go regardless. i really don't think there is a problem. i think if there were, the post-op instructions would have been more explicit. i think my mother will feel better hearing it from the surgeon though. that is ok. she is freaking out about this, and how to get medication and keep it cold and administer it 4 times a day too. this is "her thing."

i booked us a room at a bed and breakfast that has a fridge. it has ADSL too, but for a night, and with such murky plans and possibly having to carry our bags around a lot on foot, i don't think i'll bring the laptop. the place is walking distance to the subway, to the church, and has a private bath. the photos of the rooms look nice. there were no reviews on this one, but other suitable ones were booked. well, no reviews are better than bad reviews. i really hope it is clean!!! :o

my parents just left to pick up the train tickets. i am frankly glad for a few hours of solitude/peace, and at the same time terrified of never seeing them again. :eek: i want a lorazepam. i can't have one. :o

now i have to go wash dishes and myself, and figure out clothes. oh yeah and iron pants.

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,

If you have time and you have a trusted pharmacist-type person check again about the requirements for keeping the medicine cold.
You are not dealing with August temperatures and you are not going to be outside the whole time (you'll be in a train, . . ).

Insulin is one of the medicines that people are told to keep refrigerated when it is not entirely true:
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/diabetes/fa...section-8.html

http://www.diabetes.org/living-with-...ou-travel.html

I'm not going to take this off topic but when I see news stories with reporters carrying on about people who are in dire straits and without refrigeration for the meds, I want to call the show for misinforming their audience. At higher temps for looong periods, it looses strength. That's all.

(If I am totally wrong about insulin not having to be kept cold, I'm sorry. This is the info and experience I have with insulin.)

I don't know about other meds and the recommendations that go with them but it could be the same case --- no tight cooler for half a day or so of travel might not be a big deal.
And you can probably jury rig something close to a cold pack that will work close enough.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...3154053AAWpis6

Put some ice in waterproof zip lock bags inside a tupperware-type container. That would work for half a day or more.
Here one could stop at a fast food restaurant and get a cup of ice to refresh the old ice. If you don't want to carry leaky ice, then put some cut up carrots in the freezer over night and then pack them. They will stay cold for several hours.


Again, if I am not being helpful then forget I said anything about this topic.

You found a good room. I like rooms with fridges. I would not want to carry around a lap top either. You might have Internet access at a cyber cafe -type place a long the way.

Will you be seeing family members you have not seen for a long time?
I find being around family to be affirming.
(And yet, I don't travel or make arrangements to see them.)

At any rate I hope that the trip goes well and that your travel companions do well.

Here is one of my techniques for travel: I make a packing list a day or two before I leave. Then after I pack and am heading out the door I check the list. This cuts down on anxiety.
And truthfully, the only thing that needs to be packed 100% is meds. Everything else can be bought at destination and even the meds can be bought with a little hassle.

So bring your comfortable shoes and take care of yourself.
I'll be thinking of you.

Mari

Im so sorry to hear about your uncle...sending gentle hugs your way:hug:

sorry for confusion
 

OOPS. i caused confusion with the insulin pouch (best container mom could find). the med is not insulin. :o it is a post-op cortisone/antibio solution. i can only speculate that the refrigeration might be for sterility, but the pharmacists did confirm it needed to be stored as spec'd on the box, at 2-8 C. :o
hehe. i always do this too. usually on paper - once in excel. this time in my mail, since my laptop is like Plan Central right now. funny how just doing that really does defuse anxiety, doesn't it? :)
ordinarily yes. in this case no time for shopping. we will HAVE to buy dad's med periodically - i have already prepped the pharmacy map.

but my meds are on that list! the only psych one is my benzo and i might skip it. i am down to 3 drops qd anyway. i might just bring a lorazepam tab and take smidgeon of it to help sleep that night instead i think i could use it.

WAAAAHHHH... shoes are a problem. the ones i would want need repair. i will be using a pair that need less repair, so won't have irreparable damage done with my using them. at least they are comfy enough.
thank you Mari. you are a dear. :hug:

~ waves ~

yes. in fact, folks i have not yet had the pleasure of meeting in person, in my adult life! :eek: i am actually very nervous about it! :o i have wanted to meet them now for ages, but, my uncle too, you know?! :(:o:eek:

Thanks soxmom!!! :hug:

~ waves ~

You have worked quickly to get everything lined up!
You can be very proud of this.
You are a great daughter for dealing with all of these details.
Have a safe trip tomorrow!
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Waves
Everyone has stated things so well . And there is not much left for me to
say.

I am sending good thoughts for a safe trip. Know that I am also sorry
too.

Donna:grouphug:

Be safe in your travels and I will be sending you some positve thoughts fort he next couple of days.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

outta here
 

hi Donna thank you so much for your support! :hug:

EVERYONE
thanks so much... i am trying to take the laptop after all... so i may be back tonight... who knows.... gotta run now....

blessings to all

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

ps had chest pain last night, took, and will be taking lorazepam, period.

Hi, Waves,

Yes. The lap top is with you all the time at home.
It might feel odd to be without it.

Have a safe trip. :circlelove:

'Sorry again about your uncle.
I guess funerals are meant to stop our routines and
honor the person who we lost and think about the
people we do have in our lives.

I don't remember talk from you about chest pain.
Is it from all that is going on right now?



M.

Be safe!!
 

Waves,
I hope you have a safe journey and everything goes well for you!! Try not to get yourself overwhelmed. Be there for your parents but don't forget about waves!! Sorry you have to meet the family members you have always wanted to get to know under these circumstances! Good luck, sorry again for your lose and the lose of your family, and post when you can.

collinc:hug:

here... everythings ok
 

Dear Mari,

yes that's right about the laptop. :o but i've travelled before and not brought it. odd. i'm trying to think if i've travelled SINCE using a laptop, and not brought it. perhaps not. hmmmm.... it has been useful though, to look up some things, even though i did a lot of googlemap printouts before i left that were incredibly helpful. was pretty well prepared as it turns out. was able to call pharmacies, get my mom to one that had the med and was "on our way" ... smooth sailing. a big relief.

the trip is going very well overall, travel wise, room is great, place is great, restaurant downstairs is great. i am very very relieved. i was happy for my dad who got fish and really enjoyed it - was done just right - and he is picky. at least, he is comfortable. mom and i got pizza and that was very well done too. and the people were nice to us.

i don't think i mentioned the chest pain before because it happened towards the end of the day, even though i had had anxiety building up since the night before. tried to defuse it but nothing doing. i sang in the shower (as USUAL) but found myself short of breath! :o. then the chest pain. that happens to me if i have an anxiety attack and i pretty much interpret it as that. especially when i have been anxious! :o 1/2 a lorazepam helped though (low tolerance now i guess). i brought my regular stuff with me, but also some lorazepam. i can take it as needed, and if needed i intend to!

that is a very accurate description regarding funerals. :o it does really take you out of your world for a while and alter your focus. you honor those you lost, you honor those you have.

Dear Collinsc

thanks for thinking of me. i have been slowly letting go of one hot potato after another - the trains, booking the room... now we are here and... dad is asleep, mom is watching tv... i am just *HERE* but i'm going to go to bed soon too.

yes, thank you. i was thinking this too. i was a child last time we saw each other. :o i am angry too because i really wanted to visit before - and see my uncle too - and i even argued about it a few times, but... well never mind. i feel too bad about things to post about it.

it was weird i talked to another of my cousins (who lost their dad) tonight. he was ok with me as i was pretty much just touching base and perhaps even too airy - i felt at a loss... he seemed at a loss... i stuck to exchanging data... grabbed onto worldly details, you know? then i said do you want to say hi to my dad, and dad went on about his other brother's health stuff (ARGHH! i stepped on his foot to try to shut him up but too late) and then my cousin was crying. :( he is about my age. quiet sort. i think this really shook him up. it shook everybody up - we still don't know cause of death. :o

i am nervous about the funeral tomorrow, and meeting everyone, and not meeting my uncle. :o but i guess one thing at a time i need to sleep now, somehow.

i am glad i have my laptop and internet works (IT'S EVEN FASTER THAN AT HOME!!!!!) so i could check in here. makes things seem more normal somehow.

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

Waves
I'm so glad things are going so well.

And please be patient with your dad, remember that talking about health
is probably the easiest thing for him right now. Even though for others
its not easy.

Try to steer him towards talking on health issues that wont upset others.
Maybe his own issues. Sorry it sounds so petty.

Donna:grouphug:

dear Waves,
thanks for the updates and kind notes of support! I really appreciated what you said to me.
Good luck meeting the rest of the family and at the funeral....you should be sleeping by now and I hope that you are able to sleep.
take care and I hope the anxiety lessens for you.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

morning
 

((( Donna & Beth )))

nice to see you. :)

Donna that is a good idea about steering dad towards his own issues - because current ones are completely different. the stuff my dad was talking about to my cousin were considerations on his brother (our uncle) that are also applicable to the brother (my cousin's dad) who died... not what he died of, but, ok the conversation was about why the one brother is not coming to the funeral and went something like... "well at this age [OUCH], what can you expect [OUCH! hello??? death???], and he smoked so much for so long [OUCH] ..." i can't step on his foot when we are in person unfortunately. :o dad is not really steerable. i mean i can try, but mostly we'll just have to hope for the best.

Beth i did not sleep very well. :( but that is ok, i am ok.

----------

this morning i had a misadventure with the Nespresso maker in the room. dad got coffee and then the room got the water that was supposed to go into making mom's and mine. i don't know what happened. the machine stopped putting water out of the spout, and for some reason started putting it into the overflow area "from inside" - so i didn't notice until it overflowed from the overflow. then we had to empty that in the bathroom and it spilled of course... arggghhH!!! and our host was worried about KIDS making a mess. :( leave it to me to screw up a Nespresso maker. :( sigh. and i am coffee less.

i hope nobody has to go to the bathroom because i used nearly all the toilet paper mopping up. :eek:

still nervous. i don't know if we will get to spend time with the relatives or not after the function. my aunt is in very bad shape apparently and who can blame her. one cousin seemed fairly ok - hanging on - the one i spoke to on the phone before leaving. she was glad for the call sent greetings to everyone. but twice my dad talked to my cousin (the one from last night) and he all but fell apart so... they may not be up to really "hanging out" with people just at the moment. :o

i wonder if they have the autopsy results yet. :o :confused: we all would like to know what happened. there is a chance things precipitated from being told to stay in bed (he was told he could not even to go to bathroom! :eek:) due to a femoral hairline fracture. ten days of that he had no more leg pain but a swollen knee. we don't know if there was bruising or what that was. but his cardio saw him and said that it was because of his resting and that he needed exercise. week later heart attack and "other stuff" the docs were unclear about - themselves apparently, since an autopsy had to be requested to get any answers. :(

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
This is added stress for your family. :confused: :mad:
I mean on the one hand the uncle is still gone, but, on the other, it might help some of the family members to know what happened. :( :confused:



Don't worry about what he said. They know your father.
And he perhaps needs to talk -- even if it is inappropriate.
Try not to worry about these things. You still have the expedition ahead of you -- getting your little group back home.

Oh.
I'm re-reading and realizing that you have not gone to the function yet.

I'm sad thinking about funerals now. It was less real to me when you were planning the details of the trip. Hugs for you and your mom and dad. :hug: :Heart: :hug: :Heart: :hug:


M.

The hard part about funerals is watching the grieving...it hurts so much...I have not been to a funeral since my nephew died 8-9 years ago....
bizi

Waves, I know this must be a hard time for you. And what is a nespresso maker?

barbara

home, home again... (i like to be here when i can)
 

we arrived over there yesterday at 5pm, and left at 5pm today - just 24 hours later... but what a packed 24 hours! i feel like a whole week elapsed! :confused:

for now wanted to say hi, and that we made it back. everything went well, we even got to spend a bunch of time with the relatives after the funeral, and it was good. i want to go back and see them in less drastic and less rushed circumstances.

have more to add, but i am pooped.

my feet are completely wrecked: toes ripped up and feet swollen like sausages up to the ankle. never seen them like this... but hey, my sesamoids don't hurt AT ALL!!! WOW. :p my lumbar area hurt bad too but i ate some indomethacin for that, and put it to bed, so to speak. ;)

but i do need to rest up and mull things over a bit. i will be back tomorrow. ;)

it was really helpful to have you guys "along" on the trip and just here during this time. i am very grateful for all of you. :hug::hug::hug:

talk to you tomorrow.

~ waves ~

Waves

I'm so glad you got home safely. Enjoy your night. And we will be here
when your ready to talk.

Donna

yey!
you did it!
and you got to spend some time with them andit sounds like you were ok with that and want to go back!
I am happy for you!!!
bizi

Dear Waves,
I'm happy to see you home safe and sound. http://bestsmileys.com/flowers/15.gif

M.

Okay?
 

Waves
Glad you are home! I hope everything went alright for you over there. Get some rest, you deserve it with all of the stuff you did in such a short time period!

collinsc

confused
 

i have had a lot of emotions going on and i feel very confused. :o

~ waves ~

just be very kind and nurturing to yourself...death is a very biggie and Attie is always saying that we bipolars don't have defense systems....the emotions come fast and furious....
REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED....
Love you BOBBY

Dear Waves,

It takes us longer to recover from those things you went through: travel, extended family, a funeral.
I hope that you are ok.

M.

it is the death... not the travel not the family not the funeral. the death. the disappearance.

GUILT. ANGER. ANGER. GUILT.

SADNESS

REMORSE

lots of other things too, but those are huge and seem to make everything else all muddled, including relations within my immediate family right now.

i wish my mother would just shut her mouth about why my other uncle didn't come. he has health problems, just leave it at that. why dig in the dirt.

i have enough dirt on my hands.

the big dirt is i have been here now for 10 years and never went to visit my uncle. there were times when it would have been possible for me, financially and everything. but at various times i could not go because i allowed myself to be influenced by others (esp, my dad)

-- when i first came, he had had a falling out with both brothers, so screw the fact that i lived across the ocean all my life and had not had realistic opportunity before, he would have been contrary to my going, even by myself.

-- later, it was this that or the other. but i can sort of boil it down to "you cannot stay with them because it will inconvenience them, and you cannot NOT stay with them because it will offend them... at some point we can all go then it will be different..." (and of course we didn't). :(:mad:

MY DAD DIDN'T WANT ME COMING TO THE FUNERAL AT FIRST, BECAUSE THE TRIP WAS A BIG ENOUGH HASSLE AND HE DIDN'T "WANT ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS."

ME = PROBLEMS. :(:mad:

my mother (who never shuts up and in this case it was handy) pointed out that i was going to feel left out. DUHHHHHH. i had said ok, if i was going to be in the way i would not insist. i knew mom was only going because of dad's meds. but she is different than me about this stuff. it would not BOTHER her not to go.

it had ALREADY bothered me for a long time not going to visit. it bothered me when he was alive. but i always felt caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

this is not the stuff i said i had to post about. there is some good stuff with my cousins, but that also heightens the remorse at not going before. :( i wish i had just ignored everyone and risked "offending them." and actually if had one of my cousins - married 2 children - might even have offered to put me up and it wouldn't even have been a big deal at all, and then there would have been nothing to get offended about either.

~ waves ~