Why do we do this????
 

Okay..I am not having a particularly sad day but I want to know..Why are we fighting so hard for what??? We all have this rotten undescribable pain.. we all know it travels..it will/can get worse..we all know how it flips our lives upside down..it affects our loved ones to a dead point in their road..our livelyhood's are taken away..we fight for EVERY step..every Dr. and EVERY insurance/disability carrier to take notice and care about us..So what is our end point...When do we know we have finally hit the finish line?? Why do we just keep fighting when I know for myself I have forgotten to ask why???..My only thought is for my kids/husband possibly??

Love to all...Kathy:grouphug:

Gentle hugz to you....
I too have asked myself these questions... I think I fight in the hope and promise of the future, grandchildren, rare "happy days" and in the hope that someday the pain will be gone and they will find a cure for this monster:hug:

Hi Kathy,
You raise an interesting and profound question that I know we all relate to..

Just the other day, when I asked myself what still gives meaning to my life, the answer was 'my children and nature..'

So much of my identity and what I used to 'do' have fallen by the wayside..
Many of the pleasures of my defunct 'self' and 'life' are no longer available to me..and have left me in an often depressed and resigned 'place.'

I try to not catasrophize my thinking, but I do live in quiet fear of "what horrible future lies ahead if this RSD 'wins..."
I can't let go of the possibility, though, that things can change for the better.


I've beome so much more solitary..What helps me through this RSD intruder in my life, tangibly, is music, humor, and a philosophical (and spiritual, in my own way) perspective..

What will send me into a rage, though, will be the injustice and idiocy of the WC insurance, who will regard me as an expense, rather than a person. Grrrrrrr..
That will get me in warrior mode...:mad:

I have a deposition coming up this week..the WC insurance attorney will question me about my injury, medical treatment, symptoms, etc...

If the attorney, in her "inquisition" even so much as "messes" with my integrity, and/or tries to trick me with manipulated language, I will eloquently and quietly lash out and let her know that I am all too aware of any tactics..:mad2:

Nevertheless, I am trying to flow with RSD, and be as objective as I can about the pain, the reason it came into my life., and what it has taken away..oherwise I could fall apart.
Much love from Hope4thebest :hug:

Nicely said h4tb....

We all look for justification..meaning..and one of the hardest things to do is... let go of who we were and search for the new us...As RSD has moved in and taken up residence..I too get much peace from music and triquilty from others.. and pleaseing making others happy.. I look around at the things like my spring outside chores which were my pride..no longer can I do ... I have come so far in acceptance of my RSD but afraid I still have a ways to go...

As far as your WC hearing..Plz. open a can of.... if they even nudge the subject of "poor" you bleeding the system..Go get girl..I am so in your corner..chew em up and spit them out!!!

Much love ...Thats for not thinking I was losing it today when I began this thread.. seems my question is..what are we fighting for anyway??

Kathy:grouphug:

Hope you feel better!
 

i love reading, when i can physically do it. The escape is wonderful. i also read things like breathing exercises that i can do later- they just require minimal concentration. don't know if this helps, but hope you start feeling better soon

hi Kathy,
 

I think we have to find the fun things that our kids and grandkids bring into our lives that help us forget what we are going through if just for awhile.

My daughter is grown but I enjoy my Grandson's. They can make me laugh like no other and make me forget the pain for awhile.

We have to find things that we can do such as read, sew, paint, find a hobby that we can enjoy and help us forget the pain for awhile.

It is frustrating with fthe Drs. After you have seen so many you want to throw up your hands and say, I'm done looking. I sat back and get a second wind and go after it again with seeing the Drs. I will say though, I think it's the hardest thing we have to do is find that right Dr.

Just hang in and get your second wind and start again.

Ada

Good question and it really made me think. This is God's plan for me and he is giving the strength to go on fighting and living. Since I have been ill, I now make it a daily goal to make someone else have a better day, with a smile, a positive comment and a listening ear. Before I was too busy running the rat race, raising two kids on my own and working 60 hours a week. No time to stop and smell the roses let alone care for the people around me. I now treasure the little things in my life and have learned the bitter lesson that life is not about stuff, it is about loving and caring for the people in my life. Sp tomorrow, I will wake up, put on my big girl panties and try to live as God wants me too. Peace to all of you, you all matter and have a bigger job ahead of you and much to give the world. Perhaps through our difficulties we will raise awareness of RSD, change the medical profession in the way they handle pain patients, and bring reform to the insurance companies and workers' comp system. Lisa

Funny Lisa..your exact words are the words I share with my family here when they are in need.I feel them and live by them but today..I had to the overwhelming feeling to ask this thread... Thank you for pulling me back into my own frame of mind as that is where I need to be... I do love my life cuz of others that are in it..They keep me grounded..

Ada, thank you also..I can feel my second wind coming on..it is just around the corne and I will wait patiently for it to arrive...

You are all wonderful family..Thank you..

Much love, Kathy:grouphug:

Before I get going to far I'd like you to know that I usually start typing a reply etc. and then before I submit it I either delete it or edit it because I am always so fearful of sounding like a desperate, depressed, hopeless individual even though I have felt that way many times with this disease. I am not going to edit/delete this so if I ramble or hurt anyone it's not my intention at all and I apologize now.

What a great thread, especially for those of us (most of us) that still question it. The WHY'S are always there the ones I ask...

Why me? Why can't I have my right arm back? Why am fighting to get out of bed when I am just going to be miserable? Why do I have to take so much medicine just to make me feel a LITTLE better? Why do I pay for all these shots and the medicine when it gives a quarter of the relief I was praying for? Why does my daughter have to shave my legs and help wash my hair? Why am I in a daze? Why can't I drive? Why am I losing my memory?

My husbands why,

Why don't you sue the doctor that did the surgery, surely it's their fault, you were fine before? Why don't you want to go out? And so on!

My kids,

Why did you get this? Why don't you feel like jumping on the trampoline? Why can't you sit and watch me practice? And so on.

This disease has taken over my life and I want it back. That's why I am on this site. I need help, I need help understanding most of the why's. I need new ways of coping because the strong person I was before has left my body and been replaced by someone much weaker. I want more good days than bad not vice versa. I want to go and listen to a band without the drums sending me into a nightmare for days on end. I just want my life back.

I love my family and thank God for them or I would just curl up and die. I can't begin to answer all of their why's until I am able to answer mine.

I love the strength of the people on this forum because I know it takes alot of strength for us to put ourselves and our fears out there. I don't want pity and I am sure none of you do either, we just want answers. It is so nice to have somewhere to go to vent and when someone says, I understand, they really do!

Gator...........Never feel badly or like you cannot share your thoughts because you'll bum us all out.....that's what we are here for and many of us have 'been there, done that.'

I think we are allowed a little pity party now and then.

Kathy....thank you for this thread. The timing matches my own mood so much

My oldest son made his Confirmation yesterday....which also involved having the family (22 of 'em) back to the house afterwards. My house has been disgustingly messy/dirty for awhile now. Not quite to the point of the "Hoarders" show, but close to many of the homes on 'Clean House' We couldn't have anyone over. My husband and I live like housemates and he considers it 'not his mess' So bad that when my boys (14 and 15) refused to help clean last December, I canceled Christmas.

So.....all last week was a cleaning frenzy. My pain was through the roof and I was well over the 4000mg per day limit on Tylenol because I was doubled up on my Vicodin all week. It wasn't just the actual physical work.....it was also the stress of working with 2 infuriating teen boys. I tell them to put something away, they leave with it and then don't return (start watching tv, etc) and then later I'd find out they just dropped the item in another room, but still not in the right place, so I'd have to call them back to move it again. Repeat 100's of times. Add comments like, "You'be been in pain for 6 years, learn to deal with it" and "Most moms take care of this, so should you." Yeah, it was a fun week :rolleyes: Adding to my frustration, my best friend had major surgery on Thursday, and I wasn't able to get to the hospital to see her.

I was kind of hoping my blood pressure would go sky high and I'd just stroke out and die.

Somehow we survived it. At least the first floor was fully presentable. I thought I would pass out having to stand for so long in Church, but I made it through in my new dress and 'full battle hair and make-up' The party went fine. My sister helped a lot. Husband finally helped by going to the grocery store beforehand and cleaning up afterwards.

I spent 15 hours in bed with ice, cervical traction, and drugs.

Hauled my butt out of bed today so hubby could try me to my EMG appt. Talked to my doc about the Tylenol issue and he is going to try me on a compounded cream and Methadone. Maybe there is hope.......

14 yo asked me to go out to the hot tub with him tonight. We had a great talk. He agrees to help with keeping the rest of the house clean if I don't hound him about cleaning his room. We talked about sex , booze, and drugs and waiting til your older and which of his friends have already tried stuff.

Just when I'm about ready to give up, those special moments come when you know why you have to keeping trying to haul your butt out of bed everyday :)

Good Grief!

I could just sign my name to each of your posts. My thoughts exactly! I feel blessed to have wonderful, loving friends like all of you here. The high point of my day is when I log on to this website. Thanks and prayers to each and every one of you!!!

Much love,

Kim

Dear Kim~

RSD has brought us all here..That is the only reason I am grateful for RSD..I have been blessed!! Thak you and all of my family here!!

Your'e a sweetie!

Hugz, Kathy:hug:

KS, I was saddened when I read your post, you really have a gift of touching the hearts of all who enter this forum. But as I pondered over your question "why do we do this." The true harshness is that we have to, in the midst of all of the pain, the stress, the loss of loved ones who wither away, the sleepless nights, the loss of letting go of who we once were, I would say creativity, love, acceptance, patience, strength, all fall upon us as we grow with each day. This illness is not for the weak, we have to go deep into our innerbeing, which most people will never experience in their life, and find a way to make it work. To say the least this is a challenge, but the beauty of it is in God's hands. I love deeper than I have ever loved, I listen to the birds singing in the morning as if they were singing to me, every opportunity that I do get to compliment someone else's life I do, I listen to people, I smile at the ignorance of those who do not know, I pray more than I have ever prayed in my life, not for me, but for all. I do not beleive this is a life long sentence and there is no cure, I believe that our children, grandchildren, neighbors, friends, family, will never know this disease and that we will be a part of that.

I ask myself everyday the same question, especially right now, as I crawl around my house in immense pain, what was I thinking... I thought and believe that this may cure me or at least throw me in remission at least on one foot, but then my right arm has grown a large nodular and is very painful so I have decided to laugh, laugh and laugh some more. I am down to one limb, I mean come on tell me God does not have a sense of humor!!!!! We just have to learn to love ourselves right where we are and accept what is, and try to enjoy each day, hour or minute that we can. On the bad days we need to remind ourselves that this will pass and tomorrow will bring a different challenge. Good or bad its what we have, we didn't choose this, so it is bitter sweet. You are a wonderful person with a great big heart, I am grateful that we are friends, I thank God for you, and love you just the way you are!!!! We don't have to wait for a cure or remission to live, love and laugh, we can do that right now. Don't lose your faith, and give yourself permission to have a bad day. Take care,

Your little buddy,

Jeanie

P.S. this was my first post since the surgery, it was very painful but you know what you are worth it!

Wbfree...

That was just beautiful! You made me cry tears of joy. I hope to one day have your faith and wisdom.

Thank you for enlightening me, and for reminding me of all the blessings in my (our) life. Hope you are recuperating (sp?) well. Rest now, our friend. You deserve the best sleep of your life...

Fondly, Kim

OMG my dear buddy, Jeanie~

Reading your post just filled my heart with such joy and true meaning of a good friend..I needed to hear from my buddy and as painful as this had to have been for you..You really took care of my need.. Everything thing you wrote, every point you made and the heartfelt meaning behind it..just filled my eyes with tears..I hope one day I can support you as nicely as you freely did for me just now.... Live in the moment love life until your heart breaks open and then love a little more..say what you need to say now and most of all..know that we are blessed..and I am having such a wonderful friend as you in my life...Thank you!! I wish I was there to help you get better..at least to the place you were prior to this most recent surgery... Iam sad to read about your arm and the nodule....I what can I do for you???? Thank you for having me be worthy of this post as you did my heart a ton of good..I will never lose faith..just dumb questions from time to time....

I love ya, my dear sister...Kathy:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you all for this thread. i really needed to see something like this.Now I don't feel as alone for the way I feel. I think everybody covered what I feel and it was such a great thread.I have been living my life wondering why the good Lord doesn't just take me off this earth instead of make me live this way.But I have found a few positives in my life my daughter and my husband.the animals I have.There is quite a bit that I have that can love me back unconditionally that it really makes me feel good and have a better day.Yeah there is a lot that I cannot do anylonger but there are still some things I can do and the one big thing I can do is LOVE. Everybody needs a little love sometime and if I can do that and make people or animals happy then I am happy. LOVE is a big key word for me especially when it comes to my family and animals. My animals love me unconditionally and that alone makes me happy.But thank you all for this thread because it really made me day. I needed this.Please all take care and God bless you...

Sincerely,
Tracy

Tracy... You among many others have made this thread all worth while!!!!! You are loved..and life is precious...

Love, Kathy:grouphug:

The reason is because you found some more than yourself
 

How do we live with this? Well maybe first because we don't have a choice - or do we? Maybe it's because even though RSD is rather annoying, you've chosen to find something more important in your life to focus on. Sounds like pretty darn good mental health to me. Now why isn't everyone else that way?

While there's no denying the fact that this disease makes considerable changes in our lives, who ever said life didn't come with changes no matter what? Sounds rather normal to me - it's all about the attitude you choose to embrace as these chapters in our life take place. Even without RSD, life does throw curve balls that most find hard at times be it financial, workplace or family problems. We can all choose for ourselves how we'll let this either change our lives or how we'll change so we can live with it. You've learned that it's easier to live with than against it and for that I'm pleased to have met you today. Bob.

Thank you, Bob..It has been nice to have met you also..Our illnesses have taught us life is full of the simple pleasures..Funny but when I began this thread my intent was not what I wrote..So crazy huh?? But my true questions was... bear with me.. but keeping in mind this is now our life long endeavor...and we focus so much on our new life's challenge .. each day we wake up to RSD...here it comes..how do we know when we have won the gallant fight...?? Guess I am looking for the white flag here..

Otherwise RSD has done my heart a world of good cuz now I have slowed down and appreciated the beautiful things along the way and I now share them with others..now that warms my heart..

Take care and again..nice to meet you...

Kathy

So where's Winston Churchill when you need some rousing oratory on why we have to fight this monster? Ultimately perhaps it's more Hillary who answers the question with the whimsical aside, "because it's there".

We certainly come to appreciate the little things. I spent most of my life living in the future. I thought I was happy enough but my life was slipping away because I didn't see the present and couldn't appreciate it.

It might not be much of a life now but I appreciate it more.

My point of view might be a little different
 

Why do we - well because we don't have a choice other than to take our life. It might be cutting this hard question down to the bone, but it's one worth looking at with our eyes open instead of denying.

I've looked all over my tummy, but I can't find an off and on switch so other than death, why not just accept that we've got something we can't change and then just work our way through the problem the best we can. There are intersections in life where we have no other choice than to go onward and forward. What we do have a choice about is in how we'll live with something we can't change.

While pain is a constant thread all RSD patients have in common, it's not the only part of RSD for some of us. Severe mobility challenges, lack of circulation in limbs that leave us with chronic infections, chopped of body parts, blood clots and an appearance that's so bad we're embarrassed to be out in public. For those who decide to sort of crawl in a hole and wait for the inevitable I can understand why, but I also know we do have the ability to choose another way of surviving the hand we've been dealt.

While disabilities of the mind are by my set of measurements the worst kind out there, I'm also a firm believer that depression is one of the most treatable diseases/symptoms for those who really want to overcome it bad enough.

When I have my bouts of depression, what am I thinking about? What else - ME! Why, am I really that interesting? Am I really figuring out some wonderful solution that's going to help me escape the horrible situation I'm in so tomorrow will be wonderful and gay? No, not really, it's just so I can think about how awful things are and how bad I feel for myself. Depression feeds on itself just like any fire does so my solution is to change the topic and instead do anything and everything so I don't think about ME.

As much as we might pretend that we're some super duper computer where our brains can think about a dozen different things at once, we really can't. Instead we choose throughout the day what we'll spend time thinking about. I've found the best coping mechanism for dealing with my crushed nerves and RSD is by avoiding this rather annoying topic of ME at all costs even though I can't do so many things I use to take for granted each day. Instead of asking myself how I'm going to survive another day, I ask myself what I can do for someone else. It's a win-win scenario because when I'm not allowing myself to focus on my own suffering while I'm doing something for someone else, I'm getting so much more out of life even though so much has been lost now and forever.

I've always used the cliché that I let those who care and love me waste their time thinking about me and in return I'll do the same because there's always something we can do that will show how much we love and care those who also are having to endure our body damage and health problems as much as we are. We owe it plain and simple and it's time we start paying back.

When my dear friend who's spent hundreds of hours building my homemade lift/elevator called me up a couple nights ago with a broken notebook computer that he hoped I could fix, I was thrilled that I finally had an opportunity to make a small repayment for all of his generosity and darn hard work he's done for me over the years. I don't care how busted up our bodies are, there's always something we can do for others if we really want too no matter how much we hurt, how physically ill we feel or how bad of day we're having in general - so long as we really do want to do it.

I know you have so many ways of sharing so many skills and wonderful things you can do, so when you're feeling like you're at the end of your ropes and you can't see why you're alive another day, redirect that energy toward something positive you still can do. I promise you'll feel so much better.

If the day ever does come when you really are positive that life is over then maybe it's time you ask our government why we treat our beloved animals with more care than we can treat ourselves when we finally release these furry little friends from their suffering. As of today we don't have that legal right, and I think it's wrong.

There's not one single day when I don't battle guilt for the financial, physical and emotional consequences my accident has had upon my wife, family and friends and it's a hurdle I am constantly trying to deal with. Just the waste of financial resources alone is enough to eat a hole through my gut as I watch our hard earned savings dwindle each passing year just so we can keep a body that's only sort of living continue to drain so much from so many. Trust me, I understand exactly where you're at.

The only way we can fight back is by doing something, anything, whatever, just do something. Find coupons on line and print them out for family and friends and then pop them in thank you cards. Use that bread machine you have hidden away and make up a batch for your neighbor who trims your bushes or get out a needle and thread and cross stitch together a bookmark for that someone you love so they'll be reminded daily just how much you appreciate everything they do in your life. Find the reasons to still make joy in your life and avoid negativity at all costs. We already have enough.

You've got it inside yourself, you just misplaced it for a day or two. Now go out and find it and I promise tomorrow will be a whole lot better. Wishing you only the best, Bob.

Bob, Thank you so much for the beautiful and uplifting post. You have made so many great and relevant points, and touched my heart deeply. I think that you have surely found the purpose of "why we do this". God bless and thank you, Lisa

It's OK we all get a little misplaced every now and then
 

We all find ourselves getting lost every now and then, but we can't stay there. As long as we (me - not you) remind myself everyday that we're the ones who find purpose in the day, we do just fine - it's just about going out and find some where we slip up from time to time.

You're not only going to do just fine, but you're going to do even better. Anytime you need to chat, please drop me a line and we'll find where we're at on the map together, Bob.

Funny but allow me to say when I began this post..my true intent was really not "why", as I have always been a very positive half full person...the idea of going out and fill your heart with good deeds has always my trademark... my true intent was.. "when"..when will we know we met the finish gate..As each day our fight/journey is much the same so..when will we know our battle is done and we can reflect on how did I do with this RSD fight?? But I am enjoying the posts being written so I never re-vamped my true intent..Thanks for all of the info...and input..

Hugz, Kathy:grouphug:

you fight for your family and friends you fight for remission while we still fight for a cure. I've been in remission before, so I know it's possible. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but fighting for my life back is what I keep reminding myself I need to do

*hugs*

Thanks Kladams86..

I understand..and realize that is why I give it a galant fight each and everyday...never give up hope...even if I can't benefit..possibly others will one day!!

Hugz, Kathy:hug:

We'll know when we're at the finish gate
 

How do we know we're at the finish gate? Maybe after we've talked it over with those we love and they understand that the quality of our life is such that it just isn't very loving on their parts if they make us feel like we must stick around for them. It fact it's rather selfish on their parts when we're suffering the way we are.

I've had this very hard discussion with those closest to me and they know I'm just about at the point where I'm ready to close things out. At first they didn't understand, but the more times passes the more they're thinking about how it feels inside my body and so their point of view as far as extending my life is slowly but most assuredly changing. Eventually both we and those we're close to come to the agreement that it's plain nuts making our bodies stay alive just because we have medications and technology that can add time but not quality to our lives. I don't know how much medications are keeping your pulse beating, but in my case it makes a big difference, so I know that once I stop taking some of my medications things will take their course and I'll finally get to see what's around the bend. I'm waiting till my family can fully understand why I'm ready to go, but I won't wait forever.

We're the ones living in our body, and only we know how much more we can take. I'm in no way promoting suicide because it always makes problems for anyone within arms reach, but I would love to see our laws change so we could end our suffering with dignity like those who live in Washington (but only after meeting the very strict set of guidelines - 1 in 10 who qualify and get permission actually do take their life, but at least it was their choice) because it's wrong for others to choose when we live and die when it's the most personal decision we'll ever make.

Before I get a bunch of mail reminding me that killing is a sin, then may I ask, do I really want a cow living in my living room like many do in India instead of enjoying a steak for dinner tonight? I see this as a respect for life and living. The hard part is figuring out when we're just alive but not living as we sit and wait - and wait some more. Because you're bringing up this hard to discuss topic, I've never felt more comfortable about someone always making a good choice no matter what. Bob.

Bingo..Bob..This was my real thread..Hard topic but important to get it out..Discussion and journaling is healthy...Thank you for your thoughts and I could not aggree more except for the part about the steak..I am not a steak eatter..I side with chicken when given the choice but then again..I rather not have chickens in my living room either if given the choice!!

Hugz, Kathy:grouphug:

Not
 

Dear KS, you little booger! We do it until, until the cows come home LOL, until there is a cure, until we find a treatment, until we go into remission, until we find a balance, until, until, until..........!!!!! Life is not always about choices, if it were then we would have never gotten injured, contacted this illness, nor suffer as we do. This is not a job that we can quit, or a life that we can walk away from with dignity and respect. Our doctors entrust us to prescribe medication to enhance our quality of life or to live, whether we take them or not is a choice, yes, I agree with that. To take your life back to its natural state is acceptable. There are many alternative therapies that we can use to support our natural being and sometimes in doing so we actually begin to heal. My legacy is not to fight this fight and then just choose to quit. In my opinion, that is not my choice, nor my families choice, it is what it is, and we just have to dig a bit deeper each day and try to reach out and touch and enhance the lives of others.

Bob, I hear what you are saying, and trust me some days I do understand. The quality of our lives have changed, yes, however, you seem like a great guy and I am sure you contribute to life in a greater way than your illness.

I wish you both a painfree evening. And a cow wouldn't last in my living room, I have a big family and one thing I am able to do is cook and take great pride in doing so. KS, I will take over rowing for awhile you need to rest my dear friend. THE END

Jeanie

Jeanie~ Maybe you are right..I should close my eyes for awhile...Thanks for keeping me in line..its a big job!! Thanks for taking good care of me...

Hugz, Kathy:hug:

I knew I was taking a real chance on my reply this time
 

For all those who think we're suppose to live on no matter how much you're suffering endlessly so we can prove just how tough we are, my hat is off to you. This is the inner strength I admire the most. But what about those of us who are not quite as strong as you are?

For all of us who've walked the halls of some nursing homes lined up with people pleading with all their hearts to be released from their suffering, I say there can be a few instances where the person should have the personal right to choose eternal slumber. There has to be some irony that medicine has advanced so far in creating new ways of extending life to the point where people are pleading to die. Gee, we're so lucky. By my values, it's just plain wrong.

As long as we very carefully control and make these choices regarding how far we're willing to push the medical envelope long before the actual incident finally arrives, I can't understand why we're better to our beloved dog or cat so they don't suffer needlessly than we are to ourselves.

With the laws the way they're written now, we don't have the right when to choose yet I thought that was what our country was founded on - personal freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives no matter how smart or stupid the end results might be. It was irresponsible spending habits that almost destroyed our economy 18 months ago because of people buying things because they deserve it, not because they earned it - but it all happened because of personal freedom to choose.

Perhaps I've become to much of a cynic, but I feel like a lot of the reasons we're forced into paying every last dime we worked our tails off for so we can keep a dying body alive is more about of corporate greed than some higher moral values. The profitability in medicine is just so phenomenal. Add that with the fact that most people think medical care is a right no matter what the costs, and we're watching our nation draining the very life out of itself for no other reason than to live another day.

Just let me ask this question. Why should I be forced into financially ruining my wife as we continually spend every last resource we have just so we can keep me alive when I'm more than happy to avoid these horrible consequences? Call it fate, but I'm right now having to make these choices. Am I willing to make my wife into a pauper so we can buy another 3 - 7 years of mediocre quality of life for myself or am I just trying to be a responsible husband who cares by avoiding more costs we really can't afford? I'm still on the fence I assure you, but these are some of the hardest questions we'll ever have to answer.

Everyone has their own internal limits at where life is worth living and when it's not. I'm just asking, why I can't be released from further suffering for both myself and my family except by passivity (stopping medical care) thus creating even more pain and cost when we all know just one little shot of happy juice that would avoid so much more suffering. I'm not saying I have the answers, but I think they're worth asking and seeking out. Alright, now bring on the spoiled tomato's, I've got it coming. Bob.

Oh you've done it now...
 

Bob,,

How can I NOT reply to your post... Oh my..you have brought up and defended some very thought provoking points but bend over..Yur in for a spanking, my friend..I am thinking this thread may span well past the 36 post mark at this rate.. Bless you my friend...

take care and duck down..Kathy

Coping
 

My only child will be leaving for college in August and I am scared. He is my home entertainment- what keeps me going and keeps me smiling. i don't know what I am going to do. I still have my husband and family but it's not the same. I love the kid so much and it is going to be so painful. He is my distraction from this illness that has taken everything from me. I don't know what to do as I get worse and lose more function with each passing day!

It really stinks


Debbie

Debbie and bobinjeffmo -

May I please suggest on MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) class about now? The name of the game is equanimity, and it really isn't that hard to pull off.

Please check out my last on the subject in the Rsd/crps can't cope thread @ http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...d.php?t=122821 (post #2)

Mike

You're going to be a proud parent
 

If we want someone to share our life with, we get married. If we want to make a life for someone else, we have a child.

Though you're going to miss you child terribly, you'll do what all good parents do - sit back and watch them make a great life for themselves. Their purpose was never to make your life, but for you to make theirs. You've done it, and done it well. Now that's something to be proud of.

You now have the choice of living it alone or if it's time to add someone to your life as a partner or companion. I'm hoping that you'll share yourself once again, but this time as an equal partner so you can make another great chapter in your life, but as long as you're whole life is built around your kid, then why ever go out and make one for yourself? All single parents hit this stage, but it's their true love that makes them have their kid leave the nest so they can do some amazing things that you helped make in the first place. Best of luck, Bob.

Debbie,
I understand so very well the feelings and thoughts you are having as your adult child leaves for college!
After my son announced he was moving out at age 19 (he's 30 now), the night before he moved out, I said to him, "Dinner's ready" and I started to sob, as I new this was his last 'official' nite at home..
When I drove my daughter to her college dorm when she was 18 (she is now 27) i cried all the way home and told myself, "I know longer have reason to even come home"

Days later, I would have to pull over when her favorite songs would come on the radio and I would cry, again..
I understand the emotion and void that you are feeling..it is a huge and emotional milestone for parents, when the 'kids' leave home.

My son and daughter have traveled a lot and often to dangerous places, and I had to get used to trusting them and trusting fate. This was very hard to do..
I am proud of them..They have strong wings as they navigate their own lives..
As time has passed, I have peace of mind...it took a long time for me, as my children were the most precious blessing in my life.

I am so fond of this piece by Khalil Gibran from his book, "The Prophet"
These are a few lines from the chapter titled, "On Children."..

Your children are not your children,
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself,
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.

You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies, but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow.......
_______________________
Gibran goes on to compare the child as the 'arrow' and the parent as the 'bow' who propels the arrow forward...to their own independent lives....

The love, though, will always be there...
I didn't want to go off topic from the original intent of the thread, but
I hope my sharing has helped you to know that I understand your feelings, and that it gets better as time goes on..
Many, many hugs from Hope4thebest xoxoxox:hug: