Okay..I am not having a particularly sad day but I want to know..Why are we fighting so hard for what??? We all have this rotten undescribable pain.. we all know it travels..it will/can get worse..we all know how it flips our lives upside down..it affects our loved ones to a dead point in their road..our livelyhood's are taken away..we fight for EVERY step..every Dr. and EVERY insurance/disability carrier to take notice and care about us..So what is our end point...When do we know we have finally hit the finish line?? Why do we just keep fighting when I know for myself I have forgotten to ask why???..My only thought is for my kids/husband possibly??

Love to all...Kathy

Gentle hugz to you....
I too have asked myself these questions... I think I fight in the hope and promise of the future, grandchildren, rare "happy days" and in the hope that someday the pain will be gone and they will find a cure for this monster

Hi Kathy,
You raise an interesting and profound question that I know we all relate to..

Just the other day, when I asked myself what still gives meaning to my life, the answer was 'my children and nature..'

So much of my identity and what I used to 'do' have fallen by the wayside..
Many of the pleasures of my defunct 'self' and 'life' are no longer available to me..and have left me in an often depressed and resigned 'place.'

I try to not catasrophize my thinking, but I do live in quiet fear of "what horrible future lies ahead if this RSD 'wins..."
I can't let go of the possibility, though, that things can change for the better.


I've beome so much more solitary..What helps me through this RSD intruder in my life, tangibly, is music, humor, and a philosophical (and spiritual, in my own way) perspective..

What will send me into a rage, though, will be the injustice and idiocy of the WC insurance, who will regard me as an expense, rather than a person. Grrrrrrr..
That will get me in warrior mode...

I have a deposition coming up this week..the WC insurance attorney will question me about my injury, medical treatment, symptoms, etc...

If the attorney, in her "inquisition" even so much as "messes" with my integrity, and/or tries to trick me with manipulated language, I will eloquently and quietly lash out and let her know that I am all too aware of any tactics..

Nevertheless, I am trying to flow with RSD, and be as objective as I can about the pain, the reason it came into my life., and what it has taken away..oherwise I could fall apart.
Much love from Hope4thebest

Nicely said h4tb....

We all look for justification..meaning..and one of the hardest things to do is... let go of who we were and search for the new us...As RSD has moved in and taken up residence..I too get much peace from music and triquilty from others.. and pleaseing making others happy.. I look around at the things like my spring outside chores which were my pride..no longer can I do ... I have come so far in acceptance of my RSD but afraid I still have a ways to go...

As far as your WC hearing..Plz. open a can of.... if they even nudge the subject of "poor" you bleeding the system..Go get girl..I am so in your corner..chew em up and spit them out!!!

Much love ...Thats for not thinking I was losing it today when I began this thread.. seems my question is..what are we fighting for anyway??

Kathy

i love reading, when i can physically do it. The escape is wonderful. i also read things like breathing exercises that i can do later- they just require minimal concentration. don't know if this helps, but hope you start feeling better soon

I think we have to find the fun things that our kids and grandkids bring into our lives that help us forget what we are going through if just for awhile.

My daughter is grown but I enjoy my Grandson's. They can make me laugh like no other and make me forget the pain for awhile.

We have to find things that we can do such as read, sew, paint, find a hobby that we can enjoy and help us forget the pain for awhile.

It is frustrating with fthe Drs. After you have seen so many you want to throw up your hands and say, I'm done looking. I sat back and get a second wind and go after it again with seeing the Drs. I will say though, I think it's the hardest thing we have to do is find that right Dr.

Just hang in and get your second wind and start again.

Ada

Good question and it really made me think. This is God's plan for me and he is giving the strength to go on fighting and living. Since I have been ill, I now make it a daily goal to make someone else have a better day, with a smile, a positive comment and a listening ear. Before I was too busy running the rat race, raising two kids on my own and working 60 hours a week. No time to stop and smell the roses let alone care for the people around me. I now treasure the little things in my life and have learned the bitter lesson that life is not about stuff, it is about loving and caring for the people in my life. Sp tomorrow, I will wake up, put on my big girl panties and try to live as God wants me too. Peace to all of you, you all matter and have a bigger job ahead of you and much to give the world. Perhaps through our difficulties we will raise awareness of RSD, change the medical profession in the way they handle pain patients, and bring reform to the insurance companies and workers' comp system. Lisa

Funny Lisa..your exact words are the words I share with my family here when they are in need.I feel them and live by them but today..I had to the overwhelming feeling to ask this thread... Thank you for pulling me back into my own frame of mind as that is where I need to be... I do love my life cuz of others that are in it..They keep me grounded..

Ada, thank you also..I can feel my second wind coming on..it is just around the corne and I will wait patiently for it to arrive...

You are all wonderful family..Thank you..

Much love, Kathy

Before I get going to far I'd like you to know that I usually start typing a reply etc. and then before I submit it I either delete it or edit it because I am always so fearful of sounding like a desperate, depressed, hopeless individual even though I have felt that way many times with this disease. I am not going to edit/delete this so if I ramble or hurt anyone it's not my intention at all and I apologize now.

What a great thread, especially for those of us (most of us) that still question it. The WHY'S are always there the ones I ask...

Why me? Why can't I have my right arm back? Why am fighting to get out of bed when I am just going to be miserable? Why do I have to take so much medicine just to make me feel a LITTLE better? Why do I pay for all these shots and the medicine when it gives a quarter of the relief I was praying for? Why does my daughter have to shave my legs and help wash my hair? Why am I in a daze? Why can't I drive? Why am I losing my memory?

My husbands why,

Why don't you sue the doctor that did the surgery, surely it's their fault, you were fine before? Why don't you want to go out? And so on!

My kids,

Why did you get this? Why don't you feel like jumping on the trampoline? Why can't you sit and watch me practice? And so on.

This disease has taken over my life and I want it back. That's why I am on this site. I need help, I need help understanding most of the why's. I need new ways of coping because the strong person I was before has left my body and been replaced by someone much weaker. I want more good days than bad not vice versa. I want to go and listen to a band without the drums sending me into a nightmare for days on end. I just want my life back.

I love my family and thank God for them or I would just curl up and die. I can't begin to answer all of their why's until I am able to answer mine.

I love the strength of the people on this forum because I know it takes alot of strength for us to put ourselves and our fears out there. I don't want pity and I am sure none of you do either, we just want answers. It is so nice to have somewhere to go to vent and when someone says, I understand, they really do!

Gator...........Never feel badly or like you cannot share your thoughts because you'll bum us all out.....that's what we are here for and many of us have 'been there, done that.'

I think we are allowed a little pity party now and then.

Kathy....thank you for this thread. The timing matches my own mood so much

My oldest son made his Confirmation yesterday....which also involved having the family (22 of 'em) back to the house afterwards. My house has been disgustingly messy/dirty for awhile now. Not quite to the point of the "Hoarders" show, but close to many of the homes on 'Clean House' We couldn't have anyone over. My husband and I live like housemates and he considers it 'not his mess' So bad that when my boys (14 and 15) refused to help clean last December, I canceled Christmas.

So.....all last week was a cleaning frenzy. My pain was through the roof and I was well over the 4000mg per day limit on Tylenol because I was doubled up on my Vicodin all week. It wasn't just the actual physical work.....it was also the stress of working with 2 infuriating teen boys. I tell them to put something away, they leave with it and then don't return (start watching tv, etc) and then later I'd find out they just dropped the item in another room, but still not in the right place, so I'd have to call them back to move it again. Repeat 100's of times. Add comments like, "You'be been in pain for 6 years, learn to deal with it" and "Most moms take care of this, so should you." Yeah, it was a fun week Adding to my frustration, my best friend had major surgery on Thursday, and I wasn't able to get to the hospital to see her.

I was kind of hoping my blood pressure would go sky high and I'd just stroke out and die.

Somehow we survived it. At least the first floor was fully presentable. I thought I would pass out having to stand for so long in Church, but I made it through in my new dress and 'full battle hair and make-up' The party went fine. My sister helped a lot. Husband finally helped by going to the grocery store beforehand and cleaning up afterwards.

I spent 15 hours in bed with ice, cervical traction, and drugs.

Hauled my butt out of bed today so hubby could try me to my EMG appt. Talked to my doc about the Tylenol issue and he is going to try me on a compounded cream and Methadone. Maybe there is hope.......

14 yo asked me to go out to the hot tub with him tonight. We had a great talk. He agrees to help with keeping the rest of the house clean if I don't hound him about cleaning his room. We talked about sex , booze, and drugs and waiting til your older and which of his friends have already tried stuff.

Just when I'm about ready to give up, those special moments come when you know why you have to keeping trying to haul your butt out of bed everyday