Long-time members and support...
 

I have a "wonder" that might seem sensitive to some, but I certainly don't mean it to be.

I have noticed over the years that the more senior a member becomes, the less likely they are to seek support for themselves and their own problems. It's almost as if they feel they shouldn't ask, since they've been around for so long, and everybody knows them. Unless they have somehow been miraculously "cured" of their conditions, I know they must still have their complications, and yearn for a chance to vent once in a while if nothing else.

To be honest and upfront, I admit to being one of those people. As time has went by, I have felt an obligation to seek to help others, and a deep reluctance to admit my own problems in any open forum. Instead I send a PM or e-mail to someone, which not only limits my input, but also deprives other members of a chance to possibly learn from my experience.

Has anyone else ever done this, or am I just an isolated nut? I sometimes find myself wishing I could just start all over again, but I would hate to lose all the friends and acquaintances I've made. Anyway, this may seem like a unusual question, but I would really like to know if I'm alone in this, and would appreciate any honest and sincere replies.

Best Wishes To Everyone,
Idealist

I think I know what you mean, that the long time members might feel like they need to have all the answers and no questions?

I think it in some ways is the expectations we put on ourself, or perhaps some are just geared towards care giving/nurturing rather than receiving.
I hope you can feel comfortable asking a question- or for support when ever you need to.

Idealist,

At this point in my life I have a need to help others which also helps me to take my mind off of whatever problems I might be having. I have had MS a long time and in most cases remain calm when having difficulties realizing that most likely it will improve.

It's not an issue of feeling like I should not ask for support - I have just come to terms with my MS and want to help others.

That was/is my main purpose for joining a message board.

I do feel if you need support or help then ask, no matter how long you have had whatever problems you may have. Being a senior to a problem does not make you immune to emotions or struggles.

If this disease ever decides to start kicking my butt beyond what I have experienced then I will be looking for support. And hopefully I will recieve the support when or if I need it.

I don't feel that way here, but at my own depression forum, I always feel I have to hold it together for my members.

Idealist,
I haven't been around too awful long but I understand how you feel... I do the same thing...

maybe we just need to take off running...hold our breath and jump in the deep end.

from what i've seen by reading the many different forums... many people will jump in, pull us to surface if needed, and not let us drown.


:hug:
abbie

Great point Idealist...*whisper...caught you wondering away from home. *grin
I often "wonder" when regulars get quiet...and I feel nosy when I bug them to check in, tell me how they are..what's going on...yada yada..but I really do worry when they get "inactive".

I think some of us are reluctant to repeat our same old problems that never go away....like grief, unrelenting chronic pain....etc. I guess because we've said it all before, and people have responded with great support, advice..etc.

We all have coping mechanisms...some work better than others but nothing helps more than getting the feedback of support when we are hurting.

I kidd my husband a lot when he goes on and on about something. I say, "Spare me the labor...show me the baby!" But when we "share" our labor, it makes it easier to bare.

thank you for starting this thread and please....tell us what you need and when you need it. If you will, I will. :hug:

"Spare me the labor" - LMAO Alffe! :D

Idealist

I've been a member of Braintalk since 1998. I spent two years prior to that frantically searching the world for treatment of my rare form of familial amyloidosis - nuttin.' By the time I found Braintalk, I was terrified and suicidal. :eek:

Like Snoopy, I've come to terms with my illness - and I've accepted my fate. I received the emotional support I needed in order to accomplish this task. All I needed was the fine people here because they showed true love and understanding. They allowed me to speak, they listened with their hearts, and threw in some good coping advice as well. It's pretty amazing what we can endure when we know we have people who care in our corner. :grouphug:

I still have my moments, but they're rarely about me anymore because I have accepted my fate. However, outside influences (war, racism, hypocrisy, lies) take a HUGE toll from me physically and emotionally. The stress causes my symptoms to flare, but I'm a little afraid to take it here because I don't want to upset anyone or start a political debate. :o

:hug:

helping others can be healing itself.

but the support is here. whether it be pm or email. you have to be in your own comfort zone.

so buddy ole pal...you know to how to reach me. :D and i don't mean by dart gun!!! :eek:

Thank you everyone...
 

...for really thinking this out and not just feeding me a bunch of lines. I think I really got what I needed from this. If there's one thing I know, it's that I nearly always get smart answers from the people here. Even from Miss Curious, in her own peculiar way...:rolleyes:

mwhahahahahaaaa

be careful...be afraid...there is a very peculiar monkey on the loose!!! :eek:

:p :p

I agree with Curious that "helping others can be healing itself".

Reading about what someone I know is going through can also help me sometimes to 'open up' more too. I find with depression that it can be much easier to withdraw and not talk about it instead of reaching out for understanding and support.

Idealist, I'm sorry I've been a bit scarce lately ... but I hope you know you can reach out to me ... :hug:

(((Idealist))) I see Alffe caught you wondering and wandering about. :D

I couldn't say much more than what's already been said. I like what Alffe said about repeating our stories over and over again. Maybe I should go ahead and put all my ailments in my signature. Although, I don't always post about the way I'm feeling every day because my problems are so insignificant compared to so many other people's problems here. I feel guilty bringing up chronic pain problems (although I must say I'm being pushed to the edge with that).

And sometimes I feel like the web is too public of a place to put things right out there. Although, this forum is the safest place I've felt in awhile.

I liked what Alffe said, too. But then again, I usually do. The part about "spare me the labor and show me the baby" was good. :p

Doody, what you said reminds me of someone else here on the forums. I won't give any names, but she likes to swing around in trees and likes bananas. ;)

She always says that when she starts to feel bad, she remembers all of the other people here who have it so much worse than she does. I try to do that too, and often it really works. But like one of my doctors told me, the fact that other people may be more miserable than you are doesn't make your own pain any less. So maybe sometimes I'm too selfish, but there are times when I can't seem to get out of my own head, so to speak.

I have found that anytime I can help someone else, it always makes me feel better. Sometimes I feel desperate to find someone who needs my help, just so I can give it. But I wouldn't feel right in just saying meaningless things to people for the sake of my own feelings. Does that make sense at all? :confused:

Anyway, what brought this all on for me, I'm embarrassed to say, is the fact that I'm getting close to a thousand posts here. I know a lot has been said about that from time to time. I have actually been posting a lot less the past few weeks because I feel anxious about becoming a "senior member". Is that silly, or what? Still, it's got me bothered.

There's a few people here who know that I'm going through a lot of problems right now, only some of which are medical. But only a few. I'm way too embarrassed to talk about it "in public." But I shouldn't be, and I know it. So that's the crux of my problem. What everyone here has said has been very helpful though, and gives me plenty to think about. So again I thank you all!

Idealist

:p being a senior member ain't so bad. has some perks.

we get discount snacks before 5pm. :D

sooooooo......which posts do you want me to subtract from your numbers? all the wonderful welcoming posts? the friendship and supportive posts from the night owls? your posts where you gave advice because you have been where that person has been or gone through? your posts where you asked questions? see? all those posts just add up. and that is a good thing. now if you did 1000 posts in 1 week...i'd tell you to toss your computer out the window. :wink:

you are a wonderful member here. :hug: and i do truely understand your concerns. but you are a real life person with real life issues too. just like me.

i'm losing my home. there is finaly a glimmer of hope of that me and the monkeys will have a place to live and not in a shelter. but time is running out. if that is where i end up...there are members here that i will call. they will let you know.

no matter what, we are here for you. and if you stall out at 999 posts...i'll talk to doc to add the extra post. :p

Dear Idealist

I have been following this thread and waiting to post because your questions evoked challenging deep thought for me (as always!:) ) and the answers you have received have been so close to my own feelings

Reading through the discussion has reminded me again of what a really special group of people we have here....people who are REAL and often dealing with excruciating pain and very stressful circumstances....yet they always have time to stop and give advice or compassion or share a hug, a smile, a cheer, a tear or a prayer.......whatever is needed.....AND to ask for it, when they need it!!

I know that encourages me to share when I need support, rather than to feel I have to be only on the giving end. And I am just so thankful for the way I have been sustained by my cyberfriends being here for me when I have needed them. In a way, this caring by people who have in many cases never met each other in person, is even more special to me.....

Soooooooo, Soon To Be Senior Member:D let me encourage you to never feel that your need to receive support should ever be muted when it arises.
Just as our monkey pal said....we so often also gain help in offering it to others....and so you never really know who is going to benefit from reading something you have written...whether it is to receive support or to give it.

:hug: