Just saying :)
 

Hi my sweet friends....

This time Im not angry, not suicidal... not sad ! :D Im just weird... I think Im hypomaniac or very close to be... ;)

Does it sound very weird if I tell you I feel like having 2 souls right one ?? One is making me cry and the other one is making me feel excited... :rolleyes:

Some months ago I was going on a trip to see a concert... Maybe you remember that's one of the very few things I still like to do... :o But it was cancelled and I had that airplane ticket opened... I lost money but whatever, Im using that airplane ticket to go to Texas (Dallas, Austin and Houston) next week... Leaving Saturday, coming back home Thursday... Im going to see 4 concerts.... If God helps me...

I feel freaked out... First... because they cancelled me twice THAT concert, so, I dont know... I think they left me some panic you know ??
Also, I feel nostalgic... I feel sad because I always travel alone and that's just a reminder of my daily solitude... :o
I feel nervous because I HATE the process of travelling... I HATE hotels checkings in etc... :mad: :(
And also, Im feeling excited because I want to see my band you know ??

So ! I think my body cant handle all these feelings together... :p

Anyway... I needed to talk, PLUS, Im feeling weird, PLUS you are like my family and I needed to let you know Im going to this adventure... :)

Thank you for reading !!! :hug:

P.S I posted this at the SOS forum too, so, please forgive me if you like me, visit both forums and find this thread twice :o

hang in there blue, focus on the steps to get you where you need to go.
one step at a time.
hoping you have alovely time.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Perhaps the word you are looking for is "mixed states."

However, these feelings can also be a normal response to something big a person is looking forward to, yet scared of at the same time. We dread it, we want it, we feel sad at the thought or lonely even, yet so excited. We feel like we are going to burst with the conflicting feelings. . . . and what I am describing is not bipolar. But it is hard to trust the feelings. I have a family member who had unstable bipolar for many years, often with the mixed states - said liked the emotion "grief" best only because she always could trust that was a genuine feeling. The rest she could never be sure of. Me - it was the depression I could not trust in myself.

Dear Majo,

Keep taking care of yourself. :grouphug:
Are you sleeping?

M.

Thank you so much for understanding me friends ! :hug:

Im not sleeping due to the same reason... I keep having vivid dreams about the trip... some are good things that I would love if they could happen like in the dream, but some are bad things... :o

Im leaving saturday and still have so many things to plan but the bad thing is I need to wait my job to deposit my money, so ! argh ! frustration !

and anxiety...

Thanks for listening. Im praying God everything can be alright !

:hug:

blue, try to make yourself sleep.
if you can.:rolleyes:
you don't want to get all hypo for your trip.
please be careful, have fun be safe!
bizi

Ha ! guess what... I will need to take ther light rail for one station because on my way there is a freeway that apparently cant be crossed by pedestrians... :o Argh...

Question (Very silly one): When you read a buses/train schedule... You look the station you are taking the train and the times marked there are the ones when the train passes for that station right ?? :o

yes I think you are right.

Dear Majo,

You can post the link.

We can read the schedule thingy if you want.

M.

Dear Majo

positive and negative emotions at the same time are completely appropriate - everyone has that happen. sometimes they can be quite strong and even CONFLICT, which makes us take notice! for instance, when someone we love very much makes us very angry. we might feel hateful towards them, but still feel deeply fond and protective of them. but that doesn't mean you are becoming hypo or depressed or mixed. this happens to "normies" too!

somewhere in my twenties i realized that feelings were not like coins, where if you are seeing one side, the other side is the opposite... so seeing both is irreconcilable ("crazy").

I think feelings are more like gems. What we might assign "opposite" faces to on a coin, are just two of the many facets on the gem. Each facet has its own slant... and that is how feelings "reconcile," not by conventional logic.

it is even possible to love and hate something/one simultaneously. in psychology this is called "ambivalence."
bipolar is an illness where feelings are heightened outside of "normal" range.... or what might be proportional to a stimulus. a manic or hypomanic state generally involves EXTRAordinarily outgoing, happy feelings (but can be irritable), while depression involves EXTRAordinarily unhappiness. and as Jaspar pointed out there are mixed states where these can coexist.

but i want to point out that this concert is a very meaningful thing to you - it is a powerful stimulus, and it follows you will have powerful feelings about it. your excitement seems in line with wanting to see the band, your fears seem in line with the past disappointments, after TWO of them, it seems 100% "reasonable" to fear another one. Finally, the stress of the trip, because you hate travel... all put together ... the picture fits.

My non-medical "diagnosis" is: you are HUMAN!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Sure, with being bipolar one is more sensitive and we have to take extra care in these situations. Definitely try to get sleep as other say, or rest when you can't sleep. try not to let your mind go with good OR bad scenarios. i've found that can hurt me (if nothing else, by depriving me of SLEEP! :D)

But it does not sound do me like you are having an "episode" ... what you describe sounds pretty much in keeping with these strong stimuli......

do post the schedule if you feel like it maybe we can help.

i hope you have fun!!! :hug:

First of all, waves, that was BEAUTIFUL.... you are like the best psychoanalist I have ever met :hug: Thanks !!! :)

And now... here is the link to the schedules... if you have some time and could help me, would be very appreciated...

This is the site for the green line: http://www.dart.org/riding/dartrailgreenline.asp

I will use it first from west end to victory (no problem with the schedule as I will leave at 5 pm or something... )
What worries me is late night after the show... Im going then victory to west end...

So I think it is this one for weekends: http://www.dart.org/schedules/s602so.htm

And this one for weekdays:
http://www.dart.org/schedules/w602so.htm

I want to know what time the last train leaves...
As far as I understand, on weekend I have until 1:30 am... and on weekdays until 12:00 am (midnight)... Is that................ correct ? :o

Oh thank you so much !!! :hug:

Dear Majo,
These train schedules should be in military time.
What the heck is 12:00 am?? It is confusing.


For example:
Logically, 12:00 am Thursday is actually Wednesday midnight because 12:00 am is the start of the day.
Do you see.?
If the schedule said 12:01 am Thursday then it really would be one minute after 12:00 midnight on Thursday.

Wikipedia tries to explain the confusion:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12-hour...n_and_midnight

You will probably have a train at 12:00 am midnight Friday night.
That's the best I can figure.

On Saturday and Sunday, you can leave Victory Station at as late as 1:24 am and arrive 1:31 am.

I really really really apologize if I made this more complicated than it really is.

I probably got it all wrong.
Call the phone number at the bottom (they have a number in Spanish) and be prepared to take a taxi (always good to have back up plans).

I remembered why I hate to travel. Did I say that I really dislike travel??!!

M.

Hahahaa MAri !!! :hug: You are like me !! I HATE travelling ! LOL And I hate schedules !!! LMAO !

Oh well... I will be prepared for the worst... :o

Thank yooooooouuuuuuu !!!

Now I need to go and fight with my bank so they can have my card ready for saturday... Oh God... I HATE hotels and banks !!! :mad:

If only I could teletransport to the concert....

I often wish I could beam myself wherever I need to go, too :)

Good luck with the trains. I was very confused reading it, but I have no concept of time/numbers anymore. I'm sure you'll do fine though.

I'm so excited about your trip! I hope you have a great time seeing your favorite band!

Thank you so much OhKay !!! :hug:

The first 3 days I have free internet access, so I will keep you posted on my traumas, problems, etc !! :p

Aw... 2 more days until I leave.... and now my boss want me to go to a Walmart to buy her some teas !!! :rolleyes:

awww, that's sweet!!! (((hugs))) :)

trains.... those schedules were beasts... but

[rest of post deleted - screwed up .... toggle syndrome, i'm too tired, it's too late...etc.... SORRY!!! :(]

i will have to come back tomorrow but what you have figured out looks basically right.

~ waves ~ who now must whack my head in to sleep.... when are you leaving????

Aw hun.... :hug: Yeah, go rest and have a good sleep !! :hug:

Im leaving saturday............. Argh... I hate the part of travelling.... Even when I have almost everything ready already, Im nervous, worried...
:o

Aw, it feels so great to have you, my family :) :hug:

Dear Majo,
I hope that you enjoyed your trip
How are you?
Mari

HELLOOOOOO DEAR ALL !!!

I have been lurking.... I have been so sick... so, I havent slept in like... 10 days ? seriously... I dont feel my head... I cant breathe... I got the flu A.G.A.I.N !! So that's why I havent posted !!! :(

I have been missing you and keeping you all in my thoughts, I just can barely type and think so that I can write what I want to say... :o

Trip was terrific !! I loved it... Austin and Houston are sooooooooooo beautiful, loved them !!! The band was great during the 4 shows I attended and I met them !!! and they were so sweet... I had little presents for them every night and they were so kind and wore what I gave them :D

However, I arrived home already sick, and the flu plus the trip tireness left me literally dead :(

Seems that I wont sleep either tonight :(

Much love for everyone reading this !!! :hug:

Thanks for asking dear Mari !!! :hug:

Dear Majo,

That's so cool that you saw the band 4 nights in a row. I'm happy that you had a good trip.
Feel better. Rest, and all that.
M.

you were in houston too!
I am 4 hours away from houston.
glad that you had a great time!!!! get well soon!!!
what can you take to help you get some sleep?
bizi

Dear Majo

thanks for the update i am glad you had such a good time!

Please take care of yourself now... hope you feel better soon!!!!

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you sweethearts !!!

I LOOOOVED Houston.... seriously... wow... would love to go back there !

I think this flu is among the 2 worst I have had in my entire life... and doesnt seem to want to go away !!
Doc is changing my meds... he will give me antibiotics... argh...

Last night I managed to sleep at least a little bit... but my throat hurts so bad that I kept waking up ! :(

Did I mention now my band is coming to Mexico City ? Next week ! and Im sick like a rat... :(
I just keep reading of people wanting to go and stalk them in the airport and their hotel and Im like.... huh !? "Groupies...." I hate that this is happening in my country... why would they think !?

what band is this?
The way you have been following them all over...you sound like a groupie!:D

Oh Blue what a world traveler you are, over powering your fears to have such adventures. I could never be such a free spirit.
So glad that you had a wonderful time with the bands and hope that you feel well soon. Do you often get sick when traveling or was it just this trip? But it sounds like a heck of a bug.....if I were there I would make some chicken noodle soup.
HUGSSSSsssssss :hug:
Di

Ahm.... chicken noodle soup.... *salivates*... That would be wonderful dear Di !!! :hug:

The band is called "30 seconds to Mars" :)

Ahm.... I might be a stalker but not a groupie as I dont bother them during his private lifes... :D LOL, or was it exactly the opposite !? :rolleyes: Nevermind... I just hope they wont find mexican girls too... "crazy" !

Dear Majo,
Maybe "groupie" is the right word.

That's good that you are having fun.
M.

Blue,
30 Seconds to Mars is a great band!
If you love them, groupie? So what! :)

Dear Majo,
I enjoyed their video on youtube :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kvd-uquuhI&feature=fvst

I hope that you are doing well.

M.

Im back !!!

I was so sick.... OMG, first, the cough, then the flu... my throat was severly damaged due to my acne meds plus the flu... I couldnt talk and I was soooo tired... Missed plenty of days at the lab... etc... Not to mention I have been feeling blue/sad... yep, I think my hormones are playing with me as theya re still not resgulated as they should be... :( :mad:

So, as weird as Im feeling, I think it s good that at least I know or realise Im "feeling weird" and that it is due to my hormones and meds and that it is not the real me... If that makes any sense... :rolleyes:

Lab is crappy as usually... experiments are not cooperating... I thought I had found something and now ? NO ! it is not reproducible... :(:( Plus Im taking this class about Neurochemestry and Im always falling asleep !! :mad:

So, in general, having rough days... just hoping they will turn brighter soon !!!

Oh ! I almost forgot to tell you... Im going to blame my hormones, they made me feel weird during the 2 shows 30 seconds to Mars gave in my country... :mad: I felt so sad... and, didnt enjoy them as I was supposed to... Oh well, on a positive note, I gave the bass player a scarf and he loved it, he is using it in some pics I have seen... LOL

I also wanted to say, that even when I was feeling so lethargic and tired, I kept you all in my thoughts and prayers... I missed you so much and even when my mind wanted to come here and talk, my body wouldnt let me !!! argh... bodies... sometimes they are more annoying than minds themselves !!

:grouphug:

post when you are up to it...know that we are hear to listen and support you.
bizi

Hi Blue!

I'm glad you checked in and hope those pesky hormones stop giving you problems soon.

:hug:

hey Majo!!!
 

Oh that is too cool!!! :D:cool::)

sorry you've been so sick... keep taking care... good to see you stop in.

i got sick over and over this year too - had to take time off twice... yikes they do not like that from consultants.

i hope you get feeling much better very soon. :heartthrob::hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Checking in on you Blue, how your feeling and any new trips, when is spring break from school?:hug:
di

OMG, I needed to come here soooooooo badly !!! I have been having nasty days at the lab (nothing very new huh ?) and wanted to come here to feel relieved !!!

I have been feeling extrememly tired... more than normal if you know what I mean... Doc was like "whatever".... :eek: I dont know what it could be... my blood tests are normal.... Hormones still bothering however... :rolleyes:

My experiments are not working.... and I have an exam next week.... :( I tried to read today, but seriously, I fell asleep !!! :eek: Im thinking the heat maybe ? we are having hot weather already....

LOL, I miss my happy days in Texas with my fav band.... Im saving all my pennies to go see them again in Cali, but I dont even want to check airplane fares !

Spring break looks so far away.... just one week in april... but better than nothing and soon I will start to feel the easter spirit :)

Im going to New Orleans for 2 days last days of March, so, well, I will not see my fav band but still :D

XOXOXO !

Dear Majo, :hug: :hug: :hug:
It is good to hear from you. 'Sending you good thoughts! :hug:


'Sorry about the lab stress.
M.

you sure get to travel alot!!!!!
I am jealous of that.
I am happy for you!
bizi

Just to let you know Im not retaining what Im reading.... :( booooooooo !

Im reading about myelin.... oh well.... I MUST pass this exam !

Right.... my mood sucks... or maybe my hormones do...

I have been feeling blue all day FOR NOTHING.... *sigh*

I was trying to study a little bit, but couldnt concentrate... :mad: :(

"The cherry over the cake" was, I decided to look my trip to Texas pics and GUESS WHAT !!!! My fave pic is... OUT OF FOCUS of course !!!!!!! :mad: :( Argh.... This is only going to make my night worse...

Look what I was saying the other day in Bizi's thread ?? Im so obssessive with "silly" things... now I can only think about why that pic ? why me ?? etc... and feel my stomach suffering this feeling... if that make sense...

uh... :(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Dear Blue Majo

keep the out of focus picture. never mind it's not perfect. it is still a nice memento and will stimulate your memory which will be in focus.

yes it is a little thing, but i understand being disappointed. taking pictures can be that way. sometimes too just the way we see things outside, and then take a picture of it, even if it is in focus, it can't capture everything. but in the time between we take the picture, and get a chance to see the result, there is a waiting, and a hope, that we have captured this awesome thing. and then hope goes peeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu... kaBONk. when we see the result. and disappointments sets its sneaky foot in the door.

and then there are pictures like the ones DiMarie takes where she can make something you might even overlook in the real world, look stunning in photo. But you were not there as their photographer. you went, mostly for the music, right? focus on that instead of the picture - and play some of their CDs.

~ waves ~