The Pain... Please i need support
 

So as I write this I'm sitting on the bathroom floor at my school. I came in to wash my hands and had an attack. Its been a week and a half to two weeks since I was diagnosed. This is the only place where anyone knows my pain and has suffered as I have suffered. It's only been two weeks and already I feel like I can't do this. The pain of this (Atypical) TN is knawing away at my soul. Let me make ot abundantly clear that not even a year ago I was extremely suicidal. And the last thing I want is those feelings back, but I am struggling... Please I need support

Hi Hunter,
Trust me I understand pain btw neck surgery and cancer surgery. I know pain can bring on intense emotional distress so first let me say try to calm yourself down. Im glad you came here as well. Hunter-- do you have meds for pain? Im sorry to you suffer from extreme depression. Do you have a good pdoc or school councelor? Sorry im horrible at spelling. I think you should call someone you feel close to you and tell them your in pain. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help for depression along with the stress of battling an illness you not alone at all in those feelings. What you need to do is reach out to someone today ? Will you do that ?

The people around me have three feelings toward my pain. Fake, Real, Dont care. And unfortunately, before i had TN I had West Nile Encephalitis. And had to deal with the awfulness that was that. But the entire school, student body-faculty, has either stopped caring or don't believe me, mostly the latter. The only people who still care are my family and the doctors. So yes my family knows about my pain. I'm on baclophen but it isnt working and i refuse to take any harder drugs (if they even prescribe them) due to my drug abuse past. i dont want to fall back into that. it almost killed me, in more ways then one. But yes i can talk to my mother and tell her im having these feelings again. Im in my last period class of highschool as i write this. I'm only 18 and have been through suicidal depression, panic attacks w/ heart palpitations, West Nile Encephalitis, and now... Trigeminal Neuralgia gets to be added to the list... why me?:confused:

Hunter ---that is heavy load to deal with and your not alone --you will find support here too. Listen kids at the age havent gone thru half the stuff u had so there clueless. Im not saying hardcore drugs at all but your docs should have a good idea with your medical history and depression history what mill be the best comb. Im so glad your reaching out --very smart. They have a tn tread and depression and people on this forum are loving and kind . I here if you need a friend even if it to vent. Things will turn around they always to your going thru rough time. Dont ever give up --I promise give things time and it will improve. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

Dear HunterS,I really hate to hear anyone talk of suicide my son did that I am truly sorry that you are in so much pain,panic attacks are very hard to deal with,but suicide is a premanent thing and everything else in this world is tempairy and it is a pain that will never leave all the people that love and care about you do you take meds for these attacks?

@mg neck prob- thank you very much :hug: I certainly hope people here are more understanding because ppl in my school have given me names like twitchy. Comical, yea sorta. But still kinda rude given how painful it is

@katmae- no worries, I'm feeling a little better. I always feel physically and emotionally depleted after TN attacks. But the panic attacks have been under control for quite a while now... Like a year and some odd months and no I'm not on any meds for anxiety. It's funny actually, benzodiazepines work on damn near everyone, well guess what! I'm in the slim percentage they don't work on. I once popped 60 mg of valium (diazepam) to prove a point, I gave my friend one to prove to him it wasn't fake. He passed out within the hour. I however remained 100% unaltered cognitively or physically. But It's unbelievable that one person would have been able to catch and develop (whether through conditioning, genetics, or much more likely both) all of this within this time frame but I pulled it off..

Yowsers... 60mg of Valium?

Valium comes in 2mg, 5mg, and 10mg doses.(oral)

Really high doses of Valium will suppress breathing.

This link shows the medical dosing of valium:
http://reference.medscape.com/drug/v...iazepam-342902

60mg at once? not wise.

Theres the thing though, benzos dont work on me, none of them. Any way shape or form. They never slowed my breathing or caused drowsiness or anything.

Hunter, I am SO sorry you are having to deal with so many difficult things! I agree with what others have said here. Thoughts of suicide are understandable, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and would deeply hurt your family and friends. Keep trying to find answers and solutions. Not all medications are addictive. Make sure your doctors know your concerns about that, but don't be afraid to take meds that will help you. Kids your age may not have much understanding about what you are going through. Find people who do, like the people here. I hope you find some treatments that help soon -keep trying!

Thank you all, I'm very thankful.:grouphug: Ive been very depressed today, I have had two attacks already. And they were not weak, thank the Divines I wasn't driving this morning, as i probably would have crashed into oncoming traffic had I been. And I know suicide isnt the answer but... well haha this is the one place i dont have to explain pain in great detail. its nice having people who understand

Im sorry your depressed today. No Hunter no judgement in here --u sound smart and Im glad you joined even if its for support--- have you looked on TN thread yet? --Maybe other can give you some ideas that are suffering with the same disease as you. They also have one for depression. I hope your pain gets better as day goes on and dont worry about the kids in your school. Like i said there clueless. I dont know why sometimes life hands us bad stuff ---but you will find out quickly you will become a much stronger person for it. I hope your day gets better for you today :grouphug:

Clueless is an understatement for my classmates. And thank you, I take pride in my intellect. And thank you, I have only had one more attack since this morning, so I guess thats not that bad... I also want to thank everyone for not bringing religion into this as I am atheist and I find it a little irritating when people say god is there for me. Because if I were to believe, then he'd be the cause of these problems as well. Something Id never be able to forgive. So I just wanted to say thanks:D and I will be looking around this website for direction quite a bit so I hope to hear from you all again, if you talk to me again on another thread, let me know you've talked to me before :grouphug:

Im always here if you need a friend and trust me I understand pain ---:) :grouphug:

Hi hunter
 

So sorry for your pain. I sure know how that can lead down dark dark paths. Don't go there, come here instead. I do the same thing when I think I am loosing it. Hang in there. I care. Vent, and get to your doctor for some additional help. If your pain is that out of site, you need some more help. Don't hesitate to ask him or her for that help. It is your quality of life that is on the line, and it is worth fighting for. ginnie:grouphug:

hello again
 

Good evening Hunter I talked to you yesterday I am hoping that today was a little better you should really talk to your doc. if you are having so much pain maybe they can give you something else or up the dose that you are on,I do hope that you can get some help with your panic attacts too I would hate for you to get like I am I have them so bad that I don't leave my home unless I have to and never do I leave by myself it's a very lonely life so I do hope you can get some control over them,I'm sorry for my spelling I suck at it I am here if you need someone to talk to :hug::hug:

I know I say this alot but I mean it so very much, Thank You All :) You have know idea how much it means to me:Sob:

Hi hunter
 

Hope today is better for you. I can't tell you how many times I have cried too. We are all here for each other. ginnie:grouphug:

I hope your having a good day today as well !!:winky:

I have had a couple attacks today and I keep accidentally touching my face, no one to blame but myself on that one :/ I go to the counselors after school, I dont know what he'll do about the depression, or if there is anything he can do but Im trying to hold up and stay positive, thank you for checking in:) :grouphug:

Hi Hunter
 

Just out of curiosity, do you take an anti-depressant?. I don't like taking them either, but they did help with my own depression. I never like to recommend anything like that, but I think sometimes they can get you on top of a situation better. When the mental state is better, your coping skills work a bit better too. We are all here for you, you are not alone. ginnie:grouphug:

Good evening
 

how did it go with your consiler I hope that you had a better day today:hug::hug:

Good morning
 

Hello hunter,how are you doing today?I hope things are going better for you today:hug::hug:

Yes I do take meds for my depression, lots actually. 200 mg of Zoloft 200 mg Welbutrin and 10 mg Abilify. And up until the TN started they were working great. The couselor said he'd see if he could do anything, not likely I suspect. But he did say he'd talk to my school to try to convince them it's a legitimate disorder. Apparently they are thinking about failing me out, just because they don't believe me (with less then 3 months before I graduate). Even with all the doctors notes and all my probems, its total bull. and my face hurts very very much today... But the bell just rang thank you all so much:grouphug:

Change of story, little m night shamolon twist in todays events... Had an attack that lasted almost an hour. Im at the neurologist office now, wish me luck... Please..

Im sorry Hunter --let us know how the apt goes

Well my neurogist, different then the last one, told my mother she thinks its a school avoidance plan. So I'm pretty angry along with being in tremendous amounts of pain. I am already on tramadol and topiramate for my headaches from the west nile(which I found out today may not have had encephalitis). And she told us to back off the baclofen slowly then increase the topiramate from 75 twice a day to 100. This neurologist may have been the most irritating person in all of medicine.

Hi hunter
 

I would be a bit upset too Hunter. Most people who come here to NT, are discouraged and not getting enough help. I don't know anyone who fakes it. Besides school is fun most of the time when you feel good. If this doctor didn't take you seriously, you may have to seek another one. My first neuro was terrible!!!!!! Second one was fantastic and took care of my issues 100%. What did your family think of the comment she made? I hope you are OK. ginnie

good evening hunter
 

I'm sorry that things are going so bad for you right now but at times it takes a while to find the right doc I'm sorry that the one you went to today was not a nice person,and your school needs to understand that your are in pain and why would anyone fack being sick it's not like it's fun or some sort of game I do hope that you can find some help and that you know that we are here to help in any way that we can:hug::hug:

Im still hurting today, no doubt remains from yesterday. But my mother is thoroughly angry with this neurologist. Everything she said was contradictory to everything we've ever been told by any other doctors. She sounded like a total idiot. I'm just glad that, in a couple weeks, my nice and helpful neurologist will be back. So I can get an actual treatment plan. But hopefully I will be fine in a couple days:hug:

They think I'm faking to get out of school. But for wat? To go to the hospital, that's wat we always do, because we have to get a note. And then I miss even more of my day
and don't get home till late, after being poked and prodded for hours at the hospital. Why would someone do that, miss school just to stay even later and be even more bored at a doctor's office? Personally, I find it highly offensive. An insult to my character. Not only that , this disorder has caused me to show weakness to strangers in public. A hatred of mine. Crying in public, not a weakness to cry but I think you should be able to hold it in in public. But I hit my maximum pain threshold yesterday, it wasnt possible not too... Thank you, just being here is a great help!:hug:

:grouphug:

Good morning hunter
 

I am truely sorry that you can't seem to find a good doc.and I wish you a better day today,if I were your mom I would be real mad too and I hope that she can find a doc that can realy do you some good:hug::hug:

How's it going?
 

Hunter,
How are you doing today? I have talked to you before on another post. I saw this one and have been worried about you. I know what it is like to live in constant pain. I also know what it is like to not have others believe you. Stay away from negative people. You do not need their uneducated opinion. Have you been to a pain clinic yet? I really hope you have a better day. Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts. Feel free to talk to me anytime about anything.
Much love to you,
Brain :hug:

Hey Hunter --dont be hard on yourself with the public things your dealing with so much more then most kids your age. I think your smart and aware of your feelings --last thing you need is to beat yourself up. Im proud of you for the way your reaching out to cope with all these medical conditions show you have alot inner strength . Which i think is great and rare to see. Best wishes today!! :grouphug:

Hi,
 

Knowbody I know wants to be poked with needles in the hospital. That isn't a fun fun experience. Like I said to you school is fun when you feel good. Glad your mom had some empathy for you. Hope you get the care you need. I go to my pain specialist on monday. I know pain too. feel better soon hunter. ginnie:grouphug:

ehh
 

Sorry I've been running around alot lately. Haven't had alot of time to sit and write. The only thing new going on is my furiousity at the school's office has grown. To the extent that I want to harm her. Of course, as a pacifist, I will not lay a finger on her. But anyway, the woman who runs the front desk told us she would send us my school transcript. Well guess what she didn't do. Thus thwarting all of my and my moms efforts to get the Susan Buffet Scholarship in. Single handedly keeping me from receiving a full paid 4 year tuition plan to whatever university I get accepted into. Very few people qualify for it, and I did. But as far as how my TN is, it hurts today and wasn't bad yesterday but I was still weak.

I'm so angry I could spit acid. :mad:

wow hunter u must be brilliant ---good for you. im sorry your TN if acting up today :hug:

Its not as hard to meet the requirements as i make it sound. Its that my situation has made me a good candidate

Is the doctor who diagnosed you treating you? Is he or she a neurologist? Make sure you are getting the right medical treatment and being taken seriously (make sure the doctor knows how bad it gets).

hunter
 

how are you doing today? I hope that your doing better you are in my thoughts :hug::hug:

My main doc (neuro) will be back in a week and is very helpful and unfortunately I had 7 attacks last night and only a couple hours sleep... and am very depressed today. Hysterical crying. I'm trying to get my mom to take me out of school so I don't have to be here wen in tears but they don't want to

Hi Hunter
 

If sleep is that disturbed and you are hysterical, don't go to school. Your issues are going to have to be adressed so you can have a more normal life. If you have to, just tell your folks you won't go. I don't like being a disobediant child either, I was on certain occasions in my life. This is one of those times, your own mental and physical state is more important than school. You can always go back to your education. Nobody has to do it within a certain period of time. Sometimes these things get in the way of education, but it is temporary. I do not think you are doing this to get out of school. I do believe you that there is a real issue going on. Maybe you aught to talk to school officials yourself. Your parents need to listen to you. I am in your corner, these are only suggestions, and what I would do if I had a child introuble like that. I think being a parent myself, I would get to the bottom of the issues, before I made my child go back to school crying. What good would you be there anyway? You wouldn't learn anything while in pain.....Keep me posted, I do care. Show your folks this post. I am F and 61 years old and had two children. I think I would believe my kids. xxxginnie:hug: