How are you doing TBI/PTSD?
 

I hope that you are doing OK. I know that it's bound to have been a ruff couple of weeks for you. Are you OK? BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thanks BF
 

I was at he new house with no internet. I bought a verizon my fi so I will be able to stay in touch when we go back out there Mon. You are right having a rough time...sums it up
I told my mom that I need to have a door on my space, not thinking about a door, not maybe do I want a door, I need a flipping door. She doesn't prefer a door. I told her it was what I needed. I felt bad because she was hurting. I started to feel manic the day before driving home I took a pill and it chilled me out. Tue I woke up and was feeling ok on the 4 hr drive. I called my mom to discuss the wall and how important it is for me. I got home, she continued to be upset. I called my sponsor, told her I couldn't settle down. I did t want to take Ativan because if I did I couldn't drive to the ER IF NEEDED didn't want to ask a neighbor, I didn't want to ask my mom because she was upset w me. My sponsored called my mom, I called my doc. He said I needed to go to ER so parents came to get me, shot of Valium in the rear and an appt first thing the next morning. He increased my Depakote to 1500 and Latuda to 100. He is a good doc.

If they were going to stop paying veterans I would be 100% dependent on my parents. They are supposed to be retiring. If I was married, I would t be in this spot, not married nor do I want to be.

I am just ****** that I was over come by this again. I thought I was further op along and I forgot the nature of the beast and I may never be further along, BP is always lurking over my shoulder.

Thank you so much BF

:holysheep:
Hi,
Wow, You are a survivor in so many amazing and wonderful ways.
Thank goodness you reached out for help and got the attention you needed.

I do not know how pdocs talk about the cyclical nature of bipolar but I think of bipolar as always one thin layer below the surface.
In my case, it can break through the skin easily and I can become "unglued."
But I think of the objects in space like the space station that have very thin skins --- the thin skins work most of the time and there are safeguards in place when they do not.
(Apologies if that was not helpful.)

By the way, the door is a huge thing to even people who do not have to go through this. I am sorry that your mother did not "get" it.

Mari

Hi

This is why I used to love Xanax -- one can drive without becoming sleepy.
I forget why I asked the pdoc to help me stop it.
I think I was getting side effects.

Mari

Hi TBI/PTSD I understand. I need space from everyone. I lock my doors. I have a camera near the front door so I can see who's there. I lock my doors with multiple locks. I screen my phone calls. I'm bothered when anyone is in my part of the house.

I have had panic attacks while answering the door,and the telephone. I feel bad about it. I don't know what to do about it. I'm a little better with the front door,but the telephone alarms me. Some times when it rings,and if I'm asleep,every muscle in my body suddenly tenses up.

Please try to tell your Mom to not take it personally,it's just that you need space from everyone at times because of what you have been through. Now if she is trying to make you feel bad about it,there could be manipulation involved where she may be trying to get a response selfishly. I'd consider her motive. She probably just doesn't understand,neither can she understand.

I understand thoroughly. You should be getting your pay I would think soon,if not already for the month. I know what you mean. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Checking in to a hospital
 

My pdoc asked me if I wanted to go to a hospital now I am staying with my folks and not driving until Thur am. I will get evaluated by him Sat or Sun and I am willing to go if it will help me.i am sad about Trip and possibly being separated from him. It is nice and I feel safe. The wall is going in, we were going to the new house this weekend but postponed it. It will be fine. My mom is thinking about aesthetics I am thinking about privacy. I don't plan on moving on until the door is installed. My sponsored said I am getting better at making boundaries not I needed to work on letting go of people's reactions to them.

You are the best BF. Thank you.

Hi, TBI/PTSD,

You have a good pdoc and sponsor watching out for you.
You will be able to get through this.

Mari

Mari
 

Thanks, I hope I don't have to go to the doc. It may be good to go despite. Being away from trip because I will just be, and not act like I am ok not to cause burden on my family. I feel very fortunate for you guys and the others in my life. They say the season/moon has something to do with this possibly. Thanks

Hugs to you TBI/PTSD. :hug::hug::hug:

The thing with your mom/door sounded so stressful. Parents can be overbearing even when they do not mean to be, especially when they do not get it. It does sound like you did pretty well standing your ground. And am also glad you have your sponsor and your pdoc to help you.

About the hospital do what you need; it will be ok.

I am sending you soothing thoughts.

waves

take care of yourself that is the most important thing and it sounds like that is what you are doing.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Sending good thoughts

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I feel like...
 

If I go to the hospital all this other stuff can be turned off and I won't put on armor to get through the day smile to have people not question me. I am very anxious and ativaning to stay calm and in a fog.

When are you thinking about going? is it because you don't feel stable?
bizI

I went to the Wellness hospital myself about 3 years ago. Please feel free to go,and don't feel bad/guilty/ashamed/depressed,or any other negative emotion about it. Give yourself some slack knowing that you have had some really bad times. Most people around you won't understand,but we understand.

Try to put some space between you,and your sister if there is still a verbal battle going on. You don't need a sibling rivalry type of thing adding drama to your life at this time. I know that this type of thing can cause great aggravation,anger,and pain,and it's hard to calm down with this type of friction. You can possibly get together with her down the road,and make peace between you,and her,but there is a (((time))) for that.

Having space,boundaries from abusive siblings,privacy,security,quietness at times,can bring some peace into your life. Love,being accepted,and taking the medications can be a great help to you. I put my medications in trays to make sure that I don't miss a dose. Those trays(daily,and weekly) really help me. I have a four a day,seven trays for the week to keep me straight on taking my medications.

I've been on Valium,Ativan,and I'm currently on Xanax. I'm also on two other medications. You are probably exhausted. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hospitals are good places for all the reasons you mention. You want to feel safe.

M

Safety
 

I do want do feel real safe every have felt safe. I fell safe with my parents. I also feel like a burden. They say they will take me to yoga, AA etc, but they have lives too. That is why I would think that going to the hospital is a good thing because there will. to be any dis tractors, just getting well and word find magazines I hope. I know I have no idea what sort of place I would be going to. I lined up care for Trip in case he can't go. I m satisfied. I meet w LCSW tomorrow and psychiatrist Thur, sure a decision b
Will be made by then. Nothin wrong w thanking care of my self. I am not so all fired important. But I do believe I can take aged vantage of all of the best tool that are available. Thanks for listening to me sort this out.

Taking care of yourself is very important.

Glad you are.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

TBI/PTSD I have felt like a burden to my family all of my life. I don't seem to have a choice. Try to not feel false guilt about needing help from your family.

When I was in a Wellness Hospital several years ago,they permitted a girl to have her service dog with her. We all loved this dog. It made the stay more pleasant with a dog there. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am so glad that you said this steve thanks for sharing. maybe trip could go with her?
bizi

Thank you Bizi. I still remember the dogs name. She named her dog "Opus". I imagine that she named it after the movie,"Mr. Hollands Opus". The dog was wonderful. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Actually you are important. I hope that the meeting with the LCSW helps.

M

TBI/PTSD I hope that you are feeling better through the transition from Military life,and back to civilian life.

I hope that all goes well moving in with your parents. I hope that you find security. BF:hug::hug::hug:

TBI/PTSD,

Things get better. You will achieve long periods of time when things are very good. Let the professionals help you get there.

Mari

Thanks guys
 

I am resigned to the fact that nothing matters. I take my medicine as directed and try to get thru the day. I would rather not be eating as much as I do at my parents but I am uncomfortable here, small price. Thee house is comfortable but it isn't my space, am grateful for it.

Today my mom and I are going for a walk and I will make dinner for the family. Tomorrow I have a massage and my mom is coming over to help me go thru my clothes and shoes for stuff to get rid of. This new life of mine doesn't require heels 8 bought a wetsuit for cooler weather kayaking.

Indeed to have a garage sale. My parents and doc think that I am getting rid of things in prep for dying and I don't think so, I am junt lightening my load.

I CANT WAIT UNTIL MY DOC APPT THURSDAY so I know if I am coming or going. Thanks for listening.

YOu might be able to bring trip with you if you decide to go, wasn't sure if you read that or not,
I am glad to hear you're going for walks.
Is it warm where you live?
bizi

I alarmed people at work once when I was giving away jewelry.
All I was doing was clearing out space in my life.

People do misinterpret our actions. I wish that they would listen to what we have to say. We work hard trying to explain what is going on in our heads and they still do not get it.

M

It's amazing how people misinterpret other peoples lives. Everyone of us thinks differently,and do things differently. That's just the way it is. People have limited understanding,and will never come close to knowing it all about people. It's a big mistake to judge people.

I've noticed that people never know what I'm going through,since I had anxiety attacks from my teenage years. It's a ongoing misunderstanding which is very aggravating,and I don't want to try to explain these things it to people who are so called((Normal)),because our conditions are so complex,and changeable at times . Heredity,traumatic experiences,and biochemical imbalances are very complicated. BF:hug::hug::hug:

steve you are so right about this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Since this started....
 

I haven't wanted to exercise, eat well, get out of bed. I do keep shopping on line. Today I go to the doc. I am trying to put my wishes and desires aside and do what he thinks is best for me. I am giving up the power...I do hope he says I can go to my house and live with my pup just like bed like before. If I go to a resident program it will interfere with my yoga teacher training.

I have been taking two to three Ativan per day

I really appreciate you guys and am not sure I will have access to the computer if I go. I will is you.

Good luck TBI/PTSD

Donna :hug::grouphug:

'Sending good thoughts and hugs, PTI/PTSD.

Your mindset is great. I know this is hard.

Should you decide to go inpatient, I really hope they will let Trip come too. He is more than a pet in your case... he is huge part of your wellness package, if i may put it that way. Hopefully the people in charge of the clinic/hospital have procedures for these types of situations.

The yoga will be there when you get out. YOu can do the best you can with that but, worst case? You could start over... is that an option? would it ibe easier/helpful to repeat the training?

take care. I'll be back to check see what happens. :hug::hug::hug:

Hi TBI/PTSD They may give you a variety of different choices. You can choose the one you think is best for you.

After moving you are going to be tired. Moving is a major stress producing event for most people. Give yourself some slack at this time in your life,and rest. One day at a time. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Wow powwows I don't remember last week
 

So I went to the doc yesterday. I was fully prepared to have to go to impatient. I wanted to take Trip but tried to be prepared to not be able to. Thanks Waves. The doc looked at my labs and after just being adjusted, my thyroid is low perhaps causing depression. Soooo my Endo increased Armour. Then my psychiatrist said we could add lithium. I have been on lithium. It didn't do too much for me as I my doc and I recall but now I am on some different Meds and the result may be different. Finally he suggests ECT. that is surprising to me and I never thought it was in the cards. I hope thyroid fixes it with a wink and a prayer, then maybe lithium. He doesn't want to hospitalize until a last resort.

He said the reason for the trip to the ER is that I have so much going on w the transition from the Marines to civilian life. I am afraid to go out to the new. House because I am not set up for medical out there.

Yesterday I had some combat care nurses come to my house and helped me sort pills and talked at length w my mom about options and information available to my family. It would have been nice to have them over when my accident happened, I am grateful they came.

I get to move to my house tonight and am able to drive once again. I just want to go be in my space, as grateful as I am for my folks, I need some alone time.

Thanks for hanging with me guys.

I hope you are having a peaceful weekend in your own space! How precious that is! :hug:

And also, that the thyroid med helps you feel better without need for further med adjustments.

I have only talked to a handful of people who have had ECT and none were happy with the results... I'd be especially wary of doing ECT when you already have brain injury. (I am actually shocked it was brought up as an option.)

(((hugs)))

Me to Waves. I'm shocked that the doctor would recommend ECT as a option,after TBI's.

We all have heard mixed things about ECTs on the forum. I believe that she needs time to decompress from the stress after being in the Marine Corp,and transitioning back to civilian life. This will take some time. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am hoping that the Thyroid medicine helps.

Mari

yes I agree with the others, meds might make all the difference in the world.
thinking of you.
bizi

Perhaps years
 

Thanks Waves and BF my psychiatrist said it may take years!

Hey Mari, thanks for all the info. Pdoc is that psychiatrist? I will ask him, I am not sure. My sister had ECT Outpatient. I am super not stable. I wanted to go for a run for a couple miles but about 05 min into it, I saw a car that I have seen at the parks around here that creeps me out so I came home, I didn't have Trip or my taser. I don't take Trip on runs because of the tendency for hip problems. I have to go to yoga school and I don't want to go. It is only for four hours today and it is anatomy and physiology which I loved in college. I am fearful of the people in class seeing the difference in me from weeks past and I am so anxious I am not sure I can sit there. Since I am an alcoholic I don't like to take Ativan because it is a drug.

I shared aT AA TODAY THAT I SM SCARED because (caps not intentional) if I prolong Ativan, I could need to go to ER, IF I TAKE IT, I can't drive.

You are so informative and I appreciate everyone so much on the site.

yes pdoc is psychiatrist, tdoc is therapist, mdoc is your regular doctor like gp or internist or family doctor.
Did he add the lithium?
Did you start that?
bizi
sorry this is so hard right now for you.