Not A Happy Camper
 

Ok, I'm Biotching a bit. I'm really really sick of living like this, Ya know? It just isn't me, anymore. I used to be such a fun person...Laughing, loving, playing and even working.:p

Now I just exist.:rolleyes: No Hubby, no playmates, can't drive, no place to go..nothing to do. I get up, after 2 or 3 tries, go to the pot, let my dog out, feed the dog, feed my face, turn on my PC, come here and my day begins.... it progresses much in the same way and then to bed.

Even though I like being alone, most of the time and I enjoy the safety and solitude of my Home, I am lonesome, bored and in a funk. It's my own fault. I could get off my lazy butt, get it together and do something about it.

I really don't know what I want out of life anymore! What else can I do? My family is great and always there for me, whenever I need them and I for them. I have two Friends. One has been a friend since we were in the third grade together and she calls and e-mails and drops in once in awhile....

And the other friend, who I met through an MS support group in 1991. We used to talk and laugh all the time, but since I don't go out anymore, we seldom talk. See, my fault. I'm not blaming anyone else for my funk...I've made my bed, but out of necessity not choice.:mad:

You all seem to be so active and still having fun, even though some of you are worse off than I am, physically. I'm such a lazy butt!:rolleyes:

I was on Paxil and quite content to live in my little, non worry, world, but the damn stuff stopped working, after 6 years.:mad: My GP changed me to Prozac and it just 't isn't working as well as Paxil did. He started me on 20mg and I was all the way up to 60mg Paxil, so maybe I will ask him to increase my doseage a bit.

Well, I guess this is the end of my pity party. Thanks for listening.:)

Don't be too hard on yourself, Sal. Even if you are a two-bit, lazy, no-good, do-nothing, I still like ya'!;)

Seriously, do talk to the doc about the ADs. Zoloft just plain up and quit on me one day after about 8 years. I don't know why and no one else seems to know. I switched to Paxil 4 yrs. ago and will take your note as a flag to watch for my own, next decline.

I think this junk puts a lot of valleys in lives that are otherwise rather smooth and controlled. I hate the not knowing what will be the next adventure.

Have you gone people watching lately? Now that the weather is a little more tolerable, maybe you could become one of those coffee shop fixtures who enjoys some kind of eccentric royalty at the retail level.;) I met Jeff Daniels when we were both doing that at the same little sidewalk cafe. You have the vim, if not the vigor, get out there and yell at a few little kids just for fun!

Nah! It would be easier and more fun to crash someone else's get together!;)

Hello lovely Sally,
If I remember correctly, you went through something similar earlier in the year. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Are you going to be seeing your lovely daughter and grandchildren this weekend at all? I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up. Just coming on to this board and seeing your lovely smile makes me smile. Have you ever discussed trying something like Celexa or Lexapro with your Dr.? Perhaps one of them would give you better results. I will keep you in my thoughts. You are such a thoughtful lady, and always are so concerned about everyone else's welfare. Perhaps it is just the holiday weekend blues sneaking up on you.

In either case, I hope you get to feeling back to your chipper self soon.

All the best,
Chris

Thanks friends, i'm OK. It going to be a loooong weekend and I will call the Doc on Tuesday. My Family's young, so they'll be out doing young people things.:D I could join in but I don't think I'm up to it, this time.

Chris, you're right, I was having AD problems last year. I wish I didn't need them but I do.:mad: I'm also having some nagging back pain. So all this together has me in a bit of a funk.

Thanks all for your well wishes. I'll do my best to get myself out of this. I think I can, I think I can...I know I can.:D

:grouphug:

Sally- what do you do for fun? Ever think about trying to pick up a new hobby? I picked up two just in the last couple of years, and now I finally have something to do when I'm really bored. Sounds like you're in a rut - I know you'll find a way out.

That's true, Sal! Sven and Ernst have done a world of good for Greta.:rolleyes:

Hey! Sorry that you are feeling so down. It seems to come with the
territory...unfortunately. I actually asked our support group co leader at
our last meeting (she was calling for ideas for future meetings) if there
was a resource locally to discuss depression with us.

I went thru a particularly bad patch a while ago and could find no one
who specialized in people with disabilities or chronic illness. Even the MS
Society could find not a single one in the area. My Neuro has little interest in the "day to day" issues, and I just rode out the funk by myself. Depression runs in my family, let alone MS, and I know the next bout is inevitable, just would rather not face it without some support.

Better weather and a change in meds may be just the thing. It seems
your Doc is at least more interested in the situation and willing to help.
In the mean time, we are thinking of you!

Sally, I haven't been in your situation, so I don't know what to say... but is there some kind of organization, club, group, you could get involved with?

Attend programs at a local library? Libraries often have lots of free stuff, free classes, workshops, etc. Ours has service for homebound patrons, too. Audiobooks, large-print books, bookmobile, etc.

Can you get transportation through a LIFT program (not sure if that's the name everywhere)?

And remember, art saves lives... I used to think that was an odd bumper-sticker slogan, but really it's the truth (interpreting "art" broadly).

Hope you feel better soon... routine can be a drag, so see if you can put something new and positive on your horizon.

Nancy T.

Sorry you are so down Sally. You are usually so upbeat, but we can't be rays of sunshine everyday. Pain is exhausting.

Becoming more housebound is frustrating. Even when you want to go out it takes too much energy.

And we aren't getting any younger....

Hope you can find the right AD and become a happy camper again.

Hey Sally, I just thought of a thing that I get a kick out of, I've been writing to soldiers and sailors who don't get any other mail since 1989 when the desert thing really got started. Nowadays, there is a much more guarded system, but they do still really appreciate letters.

I don't send packages because it's a little more physical than I want it to be, but the kids seem to get a bang out of my letters which tend to be a little on the smart allecky side. Some write back, some email, and others I never hear from. But it's neat to get a note from someone telling me that his/her entire unit read and loved my letter. I include some plain paper photos incorporated into the letter. They really dig seeing green foliage from home.

There are lots of helpful websites to help get you started, just google "any soldier" and read up on the protocol. It's rather uplifting.

What a terrific idea, Cindy!! I'm going to look into that, and do it. My StepSon is in Iraq, right now as a civilian worker and his SO is there, in the Army.

I do communiate with them and worry about them. If Dawn is not held there longer, they should be out of there August or Sept. and back in Hawaii, where Dawn is stationed.

I do need a hobby too. Just trying to think of something I can and want to do.:rolleyes:

Right now, the laundry is calling me:eek: ..see ya later.:D

Sally
My laundry has been calling, but I'm not taking calls, yet. :)

I understand the need for a hobby. I don't have any family here, so all holidays are a real downer. Poor me.:( My SO doesn't believe or acknowledge any holidays even b-days. Makes me lonely for the arguing of family togetherness.:wink:

After that brief pity party, back to hobby. I started crocheting. The first year out here I made gifts for my nieces/nephews fo xmas. My plan was to make a poncho for me. Have I done that yet ... NO. I belong to an online group that makes squares for/or blankets for cancer victims. Very fulfilling.

My hand pain has increased and haven't been able to crochet for nearly 2 months. The group is very understanding. I spend alot of time doing Sudoku puzzles. Get the books from the dollar store. I find it calming and takes my mind off the pain (except holding the pencil) like no med can. Very helpful when the roids are raging too.

Long story short. I feel for you and appreciate all your upbeat posts. :hug:
Beth

A lot of good ideas here. I don't know where you are in the progression of your MS, since I haven't seen you in real time and space. I know where I am, and I know that as I read through the ideas -- good ones, every one -- I felt the physical fatigue and weakness pressing on me like a lead weight. Every bit of available energy I have is expended in daily life. And a lot of dailyness, I can no longer do. Like dressing myself, preparing my food, driving a car, getting in and out of the shower, folding clothes from the dryer. Stuff like that. I'm typing this now one-handed, and it's about tapping me out.

Physical fatigue is deadly. Just being conscious is a drain. None of the fatigue drugs have helped me, though it's worth it to try them since MS is so individual. I remember you talking about a lift to get you outside, and I think you ought to push for that. Just having the freedom to get out improved my outlook 100%. Hang in. Just try to take each day as it comes, and deal with it as it happens.

Chris

Awwwwww Sally, I'm so sorry you're in a bad place at the moment. But, hey, so am I! Yes, I've been out via my new ramp a few times with my fur baby, but I totally understand about the loneliness. Anybody in our situations would probably feel the same at some point.

Today was a beautiful sunny day, but all I felt like doing was sleeping -- that's after staying in bed ALL day yesterday and half the night. Got up, had something to eat and fell asleep in my recliner until noon today. For some reason, my pain level has been a consistent 9 today too. There must be rain on the way.

Holidays are especially bad, I can so empathize with you. Family is having a birthday party for a little grandson (7), but there's no way I can get there and actually couldn't stand the heat and noise anyway. But somehow just knowing we can't get there if we wanted to, does a mental number on us. Like you said, who are we now? Certainly not the happy, carefree people we used to be but as many have said here, there are lots of ways to occupy our minds and the time. Maybe with an increase in the Paxil, you'll feel more "in tune" with the world.

Hang in there!! We all love you!!!!