i am depressed again
 

i have no idea where my tax information is. my memory is a blank. another crash. I got practically everything from the internet and I am sure I din't owe anymoney. I am going to have it done this year which might cost 250-money keeps on flowing away. i just feel so unhappy and helpless and out of control and fat., I don;t knoow what i am going t say to the doctor tomorrow when i call him. I am still spending but don't feel as compulsive. I don;t think i am going to buy anymore rayon pants. it is sort of nauseating. no more bags or bag cleaners. buy time for my new cell phone when it comes and robert is available. I wish i could tell cecilia not to buy me any more tiramisu. it is so fattening.
abby put on a show for me tonight with little stuffed toys. I petted pudge for almost a haalf an hour. she let me
i wish i could cry,. i feel so defeated.
it has been bothering me that my nephews have made no attempt for me to meet their children. I expected it
i wonder if the reduction of the antidepressantss for the mania is beginning to bring back the depression

just awakened when my cat found her way into our room tonight and woke me up. either I left the door a jar or she managed to open the door. either way I am up. Just for the moment.
I read what you wrote and that is a lot to process.
I wish you could cry to bobby. I think you could have some healing.
It is sad that your nephews have not made attempts for you to meet their children. Have you asked specifically to meet them?
I hope you get some sleep.
Wish you had a therapist to talk to, a professional's opinion...I feel so inadequate to help you.
You are quite complex.
I am glad that you are opening up more to us.
Thank you for that.
I wish I had some magic words to say.
What I can say is that I am sorry you are struggling.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

thank you so much. it is so nice to have a place to be an exhibitionist or to be able to vent. I wish i could telll my nephews i amso glad to be excludedd and not have to meet their children and that they are truly not jewish although they make such a big deal of the rituals.
I am worried about pudge again. I think it is probably pure jealousy of abby.
Myguru cat person told me not to do any exploratory surgery. I haven'teen her eat again/
I ama calling my doctor now and telling him I am depressed but probaby won''t be buying anymore pants or bags.
thanks for being kind.
love
bobby

Sending you good thoughts. Today is your cleaning lady correct.
So enjoy her.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you so much. I gave her a swing coat. it looks nice. last week i treated her to coffee and today she will treat me to coffee. just heard I have a pdoc appt march 9 at 10:45. I write it here so I don't forget

I'm so sorry about your nephews, Bobby. I wish that they were more supportive and showed more interest in your well-being. It must be very hurtful :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you are going to get your taxes done. You don't need that kind of stress. You have plenty of time to find the documents you need, so you can look when you are feeling better.

I'm happy that your cat lady advised you against doing exploratory surgery on Pudge, and I'm glad that you can tell that she's eating okay by looking at the litter box now :hug:

I saw the pdoc two weeks ago and last week and on the phone yesterday. as for my nephews i wish they never came back into my life. more pain.not worth it..as for the taxes I would feel much better if i got them over with.

i am so worried about money now after all my spending. the damage is done.
I have to find some self control but it is so hard. fear is a great motivator.
i feel alone. my nephews even though two are millionaires would never give me a penny. It is especially rough and fear provoking to be mentally ill and all alone

Love to you, Bobby :hug::hug::hug:

much appreciated
love
bobby
am fighting the urge to buy a couple of pairs of pants anad winning!

It's funny that your attention has turned from buying bags and shoes to buying pants exclusively. Why do you think that is, Bobby?

i look for bruno magli shoes and they haven't had any i liked.I just bought two more bags and am bidding on another crocodile bag. I figure the rayon pants can fit if i lose a lot of weight. they are so comfortable. three people yesterday at p.t. complimented me on the ones i was wearing and commented aboutthe others. the offer this morning for the bid was accepted-rats

:Heart: :grouphug: :Heart:

I understand the mixed feelings when your bid is accepted. I used to have Ebay issues of my own :hug:

I hope that you are o.k.


M

I had a big cupcake gained weight and decided i will keep on spending til it goes away. I cannot deal withh not spending
bobby
am i okay? I don't know about my decisions

I think that Skeezyks was responding to post #8 on this thread when they asked if you were okay because you sounded so down/depressed.

Try not to weigh yourself every day. Weight fluctuates can fluctuate from day to day. You are too rough on yourself, and don't need to make it worse :hug:

THANKS. YESTERDAY I HAD CHINESE FOOD. I WENT TO the primary care doctor and had a physical and flu shot.the ekg wasn't great but the blood pressure was good. somebody hacked into my computer.I got the ask query. I changed it in settings but robert didn't think i really got rid of it. I can't use my chrome email. my explorer is iffy. my keyboard all of a sudden won't do special characters. no password reset since i need special characters. what a mess. I oordered a new keyboard after trying to fix it. also used system restore but that didn't help the email problem. am stuck
love
bobby two pounds fatter

chinese food has a lot of sodium so that is water weight, not 8 sticks of butter.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I seem to cheat with Chinese food, too. I do well when I drink a lot of water with it and in the following days because it has so much sodium in it I want to try to flush it out. I don't weigh myself for a couple of days after having it because I know I will be heavier and I don't want to see that number on the scale until I even out a little more.