What would you do?
 

What would you do if you had been sitting at home staring at the four walls for over a week now almost with no people 3-D contact? I have had only been around other people at the most a few minutes here and there this whole month. It is getting to me and driving me crazy. When I did talk to someone today it's all about the family wedding that I was not invited to. I thought that my life was suppose to get better after leaving my abusive husband but it has gotten worse. The family I grew up with deserted me and so did a lot of friends. I had a lot of deaths in my circle of friends. I was never depressed with my husband, angry yes, but never depressed. I hate this. I should have stayed with him and then I would not have this guilt of leaving him and him dying. All my friends are unhappy with their husbands but yet they stay, I'm the one who left and have been miserable ever since.

Dear Befuddled,

When I felt most alone, I would go out.
I took myself and a book to a nice restaurant or went to an intense movie.
I even remember going to all night grocery stores so I could at least see someone and talk to the cashier.

Befuddled, the guilt will go away. Feeling guilt is part of the healing process for you. Do you have a counselor to talk about the guilt with?

I hate for you to feel miserable.
Mari

Dear Barbara,
I too am sorry that you are feeling this way.
I hope that you are not resentful of the advise we gave you to leave him.
No one forsaw that he would get cancer and die so young.
You sound very depressed...do you have a therapist to talk to? Have you ever journaled before?
Perhaps you could start going back to the nursing home and visiting with some of the residents on a regular basis.
They play bingo frequently and need volunteers to help residents.
They also need people to help feed them during meal times...
YOu have such a caring heart and have a lot to give.:hug:
bizi

Thanks you two. Mari, I normally do get out except I hate to drive in the rain and it had been raining for over a week. Bizi, nursing homes are depressing because they are full of people waiting to die.

befuddled2

I have an adopted dau who suffers with bipolar disorder.
When she first received the dx, I went into "helper" mode and go in and out of this mindset. However, I realize that as very hard and unfair as her burden is, it is really her burden to overcome. It is this way for us all in life.
What you have mentioned is something that sounds very familiar. I have seen her suffer in this way for many years....even when she was a young child.
Even today. On the positive side, today I feel she does slightly better because even when she is depressed (perhaps not in a deep depression), she will pick herself up and go to a store or restaurant and get out of the house.
My thought for her was that if she had a volunteer job once or twice a week...something that was not overly stressful, but enough to get out of the house and meet people on a regular basis, it would be very helpful. Most folks greatly appreciate their volunteers and it tends to be a positive experience. Perhaps you could read to the younger children at an elementary school or at a nursery school. Just an idea.
I hope you find something that will help you to feel better soon.

Thank you Vowel Lady.

I do have a volunteer job that I never started. I just can't go in the way I feel and it makes me feel like even more of a failure. But you are right about one thing, it is up to us to pick ourselves up.

BARBARA.....LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IS THE RIGHT THING TO HAVE DONE. MY HEART JUST ACHED WHEN I READ THAT!! :hug:HUGS FOR YOU!
WHEN I AM FEELING REALLY DOWN I LIKE TO HEAD TO THE LIBRARY. I PICK UP POSITIVE, FEEL GOOD KINDA BOOKS!!
I SOMETIMES DO MY MAKE UP...NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS TO START IT!
I LISTEN TO UPBEAT MUSIC AND DANCE MY HEART OUT!
I GO FOR A RELAXED PACE WALK...OR SOMETIMES I TEAR THE HECK OUT OF A CLOSET THAT NEEDS CLEANING ...
YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE A TEA, SIT DOWN AND REFLECT ON HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE CARE FOR YOU, BARBARA.....
HERES PRAYING FOR YOU TO HAVE A DELIGHTFUL DAY!
YOU CERTAINLY DO DESERVE IT!!!:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you Dorrie,

I felt so much better today. I got out a lot with the sun being out. I took a shower and put on some nice clothes and went out for lunch.

I think any body can get in a blah mood the way this winter has been soo long and ongoing..
good to hear that you got out and about.:)

Dear Befuddled,

Keep holding on.

M.

I'm so glad you feel a little better. And I hope you can get out more
tomorrow.

Donna

Barbara, I was on here looking for you tonight...haven't seen you around lately and missed you. Saw this post and wanted to offer something to you that was given to me and pray it will help you also.
When I was in the middle of a very big depression with 4 kids, a mom living with us(that was nice) a husband, and not much money but a good life, I still felt as if there was no one but me alive. Horrible feeling. Your situation I can only imagine as far as the abuse, divorce and now his death and your lonliness. I can tell you though what my Pastor told me in counceling(he was also trained in counceling). His biggest advice to me during a session was "go home this week and do something creative." Now I am NOT a creative person but I did have some plants that of course got neglected during my long depression. I went home stewed awhile and then it hit me...I got up and started working with my plants, feeding plant food, dusting, repotting some. Lo and behold loving those little plants put something back into my life that I needed so badly. Don't know the phy about it, do know that I started feeling amore alive. Now I don't know if you like plants or maybe have a pet but I hope for you that you can find something that you would enjoy and focus your interest on it and give it everything you got...even if your best right now is very small. Believe me and know that even a small effort can start budding and then blooming and a smile will fill you again. Hugs and blessings, :hug: froggie

Dear Befuddled,
What is your weather like?
Have you been able to start planning your garden?
I remember that last year you painted some impatiens. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/nature/violet.gif http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/nature/violet.gif http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/nature/violet.gif

Pictures!! I want pictures!!:winky: :)

Mari http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/nature/tree.gif

Thanks everyone. Froggie and Mari, I am looking forward to planting my garden. I've arlready started getting it ready for planting. It seems that my neighbors though won't listen and call me in the morning and wake me up before I'm ready and it ruins my whole day. Today would be nice to work in the yard but am too out of it from being awoken too early. The sun has been out for a few days now. Yesterday I went to the post office, to the bank, got my hair cut, and went grocery shopping. When I got home I washed and folded 2 loads of laundry. I was exhausted last night but felt content. And Mari, I will post pictures of the garden.