What would you do if you had been sitting at home staring at the four walls for over a week now almost with no people 3-D contact? I have had only been around other people at the most a few minutes here and there this whole month. It is getting to me and driving me crazy. When I did talk to someone today it's all about the family wedding that I was not invited to. I thought that my life was suppose to get better after leaving my abusive husband but it has gotten worse. The family I grew up with deserted me and so did a lot of friends. I had a lot of deaths in my circle of friends. I was never depressed with my husband, angry yes, but never depressed. I hate this. I should have stayed with him and then I would not have this guilt of leaving him and him dying. All my friends are unhappy with their husbands but yet they stay, I'm the one who left and have been miserable ever since.

Dear Befuddled,

When I felt most alone, I would go out.
I took myself and a book to a nice restaurant or went to an intense movie.
I even remember going to all night grocery stores so I could at least see someone and talk to the cashier.

Befuddled, the guilt will go away. Feeling guilt is part of the healing process for you. Do you have a counselor to talk about the guilt with?

I hate for you to feel miserable.
Mari

Dear Barbara,
I too am sorry that you are feeling this way.
I hope that you are not resentful of the advise we gave you to leave him.
No one forsaw that he would get cancer and die so young.
You sound very depressed...do you have a therapist to talk to? Have you ever journaled before?
Perhaps you could start going back to the nursing home and visiting with some of the residents on a regular basis.
They play bingo frequently and need volunteers to help residents.
They also need people to help feed them during meal times...
YOu have such a caring heart and have a lot to give.
bizi

Thanks you two. Mari, I normally do get out except I hate to drive in the rain and it had been raining for over a week. Bizi, nursing homes are depressing because they are full of people waiting to die.

befuddled2

I have an adopted dau who suffers with bipolar disorder.
When she first received the dx, I went into "helper" mode and go in and out of this mindset. However, I realize that as very hard and unfair as her burden is, it is really her burden to overcome. It is this way for us all in life.
What you have mentioned is something that sounds very familiar. I have seen her suffer in this way for many years....even when she was a young child.
Even today. On the positive side, today I feel she does slightly better because even when she is depressed (perhaps not in a deep depression), she will pick herself up and go to a store or restaurant and get out of the house.
My thought for her was that if she had a volunteer job once or twice a week...something that was not overly stressful, but enough to get out of the house and meet people on a regular basis, it would be very helpful. Most folks greatly appreciate their volunteers and it tends to be a positive experience. Perhaps you could read to the younger children at an elementary school or at a nursery school. Just an idea.
I hope you find something that will help you to feel better soon.

Thank you Vowel Lady.

I do have a volunteer job that I never started. I just can't go in the way I feel and it makes me feel like even more of a failure. But you are right about one thing, it is up to us to pick ourselves up.

BARBARA.....LEAVING AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IS THE RIGHT THING TO HAVE DONE. MY HEART JUST ACHED WHEN I READ THAT!! HUGS FOR YOU!
WHEN I AM FEELING REALLY DOWN I LIKE TO HEAD TO THE LIBRARY. I PICK UP POSITIVE, FEEL GOOD KINDA BOOKS!!
I SOMETIMES DO MY MAKE UP...NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS TO START IT!
I LISTEN TO UPBEAT MUSIC AND DANCE MY HEART OUT!
I GO FOR A RELAXED PACE WALK...OR SOMETIMES I TEAR THE HECK OUT OF A CLOSET THAT NEEDS CLEANING ...
YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE A TEA, SIT DOWN AND REFLECT ON HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE CARE FOR YOU, BARBARA.....
HERES PRAYING FOR YOU TO HAVE A DELIGHTFUL DAY!
YOU CERTAINLY DO DESERVE IT!!!

Thank you Dorrie,

I felt so much better today. I got out a lot with the sun being out. I took a shower and put on some nice clothes and went out for lunch.

I think any body can get in a blah mood the way this winter has been soo long and ongoing..
good to hear that you got out and about.

Dear Befuddled,

Keep holding on.

M.