Be nice. Do people like me annoy you sometimes?
 

I was sitting around and thinking about how I approach some things like when one of you are down and out. I am always throwing in the upbeat attitude, saying I am sorry, it will get better, God is there, everything happens for a reason, etc..

Maybe it's the care partner in me but I have to wonder does it ever annoy you when people like me do that? I mean, after awhile even I would say "How could you even know?"

Yes, I take care of Jim and it's going on 21 years of living with ms and yes, I have extensive knowledge of the disease but that doesn't make me really get it does it? Even sweet Jim will get that look on his face sometimes. You know the look you give someone who is trying to help and you just go with it rather than smack them? :D

I guess what I am saying is I will never truly get it. I want you to know when I am offering support it comes from my heart. I am in no way a know it all and hope I never come across as one. I care for all of you and am grateful for this site.

I have learned so much from many of you about ms on a deeper level that books can ever reach. As my mom used to say "Throw away those damn books! They wont teach you everyday things you need to know by trial and error!"

She was right but don't tell her that OK? ;)

PS: Fell free to post your stories about those of us trying to do right, the good, the bad and the ugly. :p Believe it or not, we learn from your stories. :hug:

:eek: You mean you don't know everything?

Well, no more me asking for support or advice from you. :rolleyes:

:p

Bring it on sister. I love your ray of hope of sunshine topped off with lots of humor. :hug:

Go away already, will ya?? ;)

(we think you're great, Sandy, but don't tell nobody...)

Ahem...oh yeah, and take the monkey with ya!! ;)

*mumbles to self, finally getting da monkey off our backs...*wiping hands

(thinking maybe moi should add the disclaimer that we love da monkey and sandy or faces possible stoning to death by the angry lobsters....)

YAY!!

Where do you want to go Sandy?

<----monkey shoved moi out of the plane

The answer to your question is yes.









oh, wait, I thought it said, "Do people like Mwa. annoy me", my bad. :o

Start yer own thread, dork, I'll let you know if I like you or not....

better yet, go sing a show tune...:rolleyes:


:p

LOL I think Mwa just trumped my question. :p

Just to clarify, I didn't mean just me in particular. I'm not fishing for compliments for myself unlike Mwa. :rolleyes: I am just curious and wondering how many of us you want to smack around every once in awhile. Kind of like "Here, take my shoes and frickin' walk in them already and shut up!"

Don't get me wrong, I know I am appreciated by Jim and others. I don't need anyone telling me that. But sometimes I wonder how often you get tired of the "sun is shining" attitude? Like, sometimes, what else do you want to hear? I know sometimes for Jim he just wants to be heard, no answers, no how to fix it, just heard.

I think as carepartners sometimes we want to fix everything and often times we may go overboard to do so when all you really want is an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on. You know?

Wow......not quite sure what this thread is about anymore :eek: but I'll try to respond to your question, Sandy......

I tend to be the eternal optimist, too, and I've often wondered if it gets on anyone's nerves. Believe me, I have my moments of "pity parties" just like anyone does. I guess I just try to hide it from everyone else. I know I try to downplay my sx and discomfort to my kids. Guess I don't want them to worry. I'm seriously rethinking that strategy.....:rolleyes:

Just because you don't have MS, Sandy, doesn't mean that you can't relate to our complaints, etc. You live everyday with someone who has it. That's about as close to it as you can get without actually having to have it. I think you can give a new perspective on things being a caregiver. Maybe you've thought of something we haven't. Everyone's MS is different so I don't think any one of us knows exactly what another is really experiencing. We just know it sux....whatever your sx may be.

Okay.....I hijacked.....or maybe de-hijacked your thread.....so carry on with whatever subject was last being discussed before I interrupted. :p :D :confused:

now, before I get smacked around for hide yakking the heckit outta yer thread, let me just say this. LOL

I think that there ARE times that we just want to be heard and NOT told:

"look, it'll get better"
"the sun always shines"
"chin up, sit straight"

and I know for me, when I am in my darkest, I simply just cannot let anything go into my ears cause I simply tune it out.

But I do appreciate the times when I DON'T want to hear it and people are still injecting them into me.

I think it depends on situations. A lot of times when moss and I talk we would ask each other. OK, do you want advice or do you just want to vent.

Communication is ALWAYS the key...and it has to be a TWO way street. We cannot read the other person's mind so we just never know, ya know??

I tend to go overboard myself when I start to care. And there are those that just wanted to be left alone. But if they tell me, I absolutely would leave them alone...but if they don't tell me. I only have body languages and eye rollings to go by...

I think you do fine, Sandy...keep that communication open....

:hug:

Kitty you couldn't possibly screw up this thread after Mwa got a hold of it. lol

Mwa, thanks, that made some sense believe it or not. lmao

I think the thread can help others who are caring for someone. It's a hypothetical type question and not about me per se.

Sometimes it would be so much easier if we could see each other.

I read a forum called Word reference.com and it has a section for cultural discussions. One of the threads I was reading last night was about how non-verbal communication makes up 75% of your message. It was really interesting to read the different meanings created by slightly different motions. For example, hitting open hand to chest means "OMG! Really?" while putting your open hand in same are of chest gently means empathy. There are so many of those. Eyes, hands, mouth, eyebrows, shoulders, facial expressions all help us communicate. When we post, we only have smilies to help us along. Helpful at times, but not very.

I am feeling a lot better about posting, but still erase many of my brilliant, witty, knowlegable messages (said with one eyebrow raised) instaed of posting them-for various reasons-but usually afraid someone may be hurt or confused or discouraged by something I have said. But I try to remind myself that some of the posts that have helped me the most have been ones where the person has poured their heart out and risked being misunderstood.

An advantage of forums online, that after you post, the information is there to help someone relate and maybe get validation for their feelings long after you have posted it.

Thank you for the sharing you do, Sandy. And thanks to everyone else for sharing what you are thinking and feeling. It's a good thing that we ait is re all different and approach things differently-it makes kind of like a smorgasboard of messages to choose from-and I we can all take whatever it is that can help us.

P.S. Was this post annoying? lol

Let's see...recap here

People like ....

Sandy, Monkey, Kitty, GMaSue, Nappy, and someone else, yeah, let me think....yeah...Moi. There's more. They know who they are.

That's right you all freak'n annoy me.

That's why I like you so much!

Now me on the other hand.

I...am a perfect angel and never annoy anyone!:D

Nice to meet you, Taffy. I thought you were just a figment of Mwa's Siggy's imagination!

I know who I am????? kewl! (About time, I am older that virtual dirt!)

I think you are admirable! And you have a great smile too!

Did someone give you a hard time?

We all have various traits/strengths.
Some are adventurous and do exciting things.
Some are introverted and sensitive and keep quiet.
Some are conscientious and will accomplish alot of tasks.

And some like you, Sandy, are devoted.

Live from the Panera Bread parking lot due to dearly-departed modem:

In all honesty, I'm more about solutions, tools and work-arounds. When I can find a plan of attack through others' experiences, I don't care who offered them (barring mwa.).

My own approach is not the most popular, my "buck up and deal with it, then get moving (sort of)" attitude is all I have to offer. My therapeutic violence seems to get a good following so it's safe to say that a smack a day keeps the blues away. I think. Maybe.:o

Let's face it, in a cyber world where I could work in concert with DM & Twerffy, allowing Mwa. to manage us and where Frank is a "Wise Elder", c'mon, how seriously can we take this stuff?

I think this may be a sticky situation. :D

Not seriously at all eh? Remember when DM had that lucid affair with a fireman and somehow managed to do it from your scooter? :eek:

http://www.pic4ever.com/images/vahidrk1.gif

DM has never had more than a lucid moment, trust me. Did you mean a lurid affair? I'm not giving typo credit for that one.:Clever: C+

Bwaaahaaaahahahahaaaaaaaa! http://www.pic4ever.com/images/reading.gif

Well slap my britches and roll me in the mud! You are right! I meant lurid. Lucid? What was I thinking? :p




*smack*

you are a great supporter, and we love you ...you understand really well...you have been the carepartner for many years..and doing a great job...you understand as best you can..and care enough to even type this ...

Now your question, the only time a statment like ones you mentioned bugged me in life...is when I lost our baby Sabrina full term...and some people would say,...dear it is for the best, or it must have been Gods plan...

those phrases during that time were the worst...later on yes I know God is there for my Sabrina and all that..but I really felt like, wait I lost her...how can that be for the best...etc...

anyhow..just thought I would be honest..in death I try not to say those type of phrases ..I try to just say...I am sorry and hug the person...

Sandy you are great keep up the good support you give, we love it, hugss,sarah

Thank you MrsD! I happen to think your pretty devoted as well helping so many here. :hug:

And mercy no, no one said anything to me or gave me a hard time at all. There would have been a whole thread on it if they had. lol


Just kidding. Or am I? :D

Thanks Sarah, I'll remember that. :hug:

:vomit: :vomit: :vomit: :vomit2: :vomit2: :vomit2:

Hey, you leave Fernando out of this!!!! Harrumffff!!!:eek: :eek:

Go fly a kite!!!! I'll have you know I just won a Chutes and Ladders marathon!

:winner_first_h4h: :Clever: :winner_first_h4h:

I haven't read all the posts on this thread. But I can say that I gain a lot from different perspectives. Sometimes I need to be uplifted and sometimes I just need to be heard and sometimes I just need to laugh. And that is why I love NT. Cause in one thread I can get everything I need. So thanks for
ALL of you for you intelligent insights, kindness, laughs, and an occasional kick in the rear. I need them all! Love you guys!!!!:grouphug:

I know that sometimes when I write to someone to "hang in there" I think that it is because I do not know what else to say -- that everyone else has already expressed their support. I also wonder if they are annoyed by the phrase because I know that I might be if someone told me that in person.:rolleyes:

I definitly appreciate the ideas and advice that I receive on here from both individuals with ms and their carepartners. I haven't had as much experience with this crud so it is it good to here about other's experiences.

And while I do not always understand the inside jokes, I also appreciate the humor.

Oh, I forgot to answer the thread's question.

*biffing Sandy for distracting me*

*clearing throat* Well, Sandy~ I think we all bring something different to the table here and it's up to the individual diner if they want seconds. It's great that we are all so different, but in so many ways, paddling in the same boat.


AMN!!! Get away from the buffet! Sheesh!

I don't have a problem with caregivers sharing stuff at all. Having been a part time caregiver for my mom, it's definitely a different perspective we can all benefit from. It's helped me to remember that things effect my hubby and not just me. Especially you, Sandy, of which I'm thankful for. :hug:

I do know there are some days I just want to sulk and hearing the good attitude sometimes makes me feel better and sometimes makes me feel more blah. BUT it's something I keep in the back of my head and it's always appreciated when I do bounce back from that icky spot I was in.

The fresh shrimp is here!

*trampling DM in a mad dash to join in the buffet rage*

I think's it all pretty balanced.

Give a hug and then a smack. :D

Both of you knock it off off and step away from the buffet!

*Tripping Thelma and Louise :Slip: and making a beeline to the dessert buffet http://i191.photobucket.com/albums/z...Moves_fast.gif

*throwing arm around monkey shoulder*

:icon_cry:

That was beautiful. :icon_cry:

Upbeat is needed here...since I'm a glass almost empty kind of gal...your sunshine is welcome...always, Sandy!!:hug:

DebbieD~ You've had a rough year, so it's amazing to me that your glass is even half empty/half full. Hope that glass can get a little ''fuller'' for you.

Yeah, Sandy's alright!!!! :hug::grouphug::hug::grouphug:

People like you do not annoy me. In fact, I admire people like you for your knowledge, empathy, sympathy.

But some people annoy me!

They are usually strangers who ask about how I got to be disabled - originally in sympathy - then begin to "relate" by going into a LONG monologue of their physical problems. And then launch into their family and friends physical challenges.

After a few minutes, all I want to do is get away and get back to why I was in that store in the first place.

My eyes glaze over and my evil persona takes over. I create little scenarios where my wheelchair runs over their toes or I fall to the ground and just lie there until the medics can arrive and let me get away...

okay, I do not really get upset. It just sounds like fun to say people annoy me.:D

Just by virtue of the fact that you are asking this question means...YOU GET IT! :p You may not personally bear the physical signs, works, and drama, but you wear it just the same. Your care, and caretaking of Jim have been an inspiration to me. I KNOW my hubby doesnt have MS, and I know that he will never know the burn of Copaxone, and the lumps that stay for days, and the exhaustion, but HE gets it! YEp, there are days when all of us, MS or not want to kick scream, cry and be left in our mud puddle to wallow for a bit. Just dont let us stay here or stay up camp.

YOU ROCK! :hug: