start with blessings next my recovery
 

hi
my name is eva
i am a recovering alcohol and addict

i was i deep thaught about this
and in the end i figured if allowed
as i speak of myself
my experience strength and hopes

as i believe i am in the correct forum
my situation does not allow me to
be at my regular 3 times a week meetings
with my fellowships for quite sometime
the one meeting i maintained or always will be the
meeting i would always be at
and that meeting is on sunday morning 9:00 A.M.
my home group
the very First meeting i went to when i entered into the
fellowship A.A.
and ironically the first person to welcome me to the
fellowship is my youngest child father
i have four children
3 girls and a son
ages 34, 32, 30 of my marriage
my 17 year out of wedlock
2 of my children are having a very difficult time with
living life on life terms
both too are addicts as my 2 other children
are recovering
all four of my children
they watched their mother get sober
i entered the fellowship in 1990
didn't get sober until 1992
as life situations at the time of my 4th child
became very ill spiking a fever off the charts
truly off the charts
i stood in the hospital shower to bring her
fever down
in the end a disease specialist
Dr. Lamacia found the cocktail antibiotics
she needed to be on till her immune system
could build and had 2 surgeries in her first year of life

and the following 16 years just got worse as my eldest
had her first grand maul seizure in 2003
a vibrant smart college student and worker
all seized as she knew her life to be
i was there for it ALL she still lived home
and was dating her high school sweetheart
now married after two brain surgeries partial occipital lobe
removed as that is where her seizures would begin
after removal we needed to wait and see
and for her to have permanent loss of vision
and to have her seizures to have returned then
had what is called a VNS a implant of a devise placed
in the chest underarm area and a magnet on her wrist
to wave over the implant when a seizure begins
it reboots the brain
yup
at her side till she got over her 10 year depression
we are now estranged
then i got sick
i have custody of my grandchild for obvious reasons
mom and dad addicts
estranged with her
and my son just started to reach out after being estranged
after stealing from me

SO

i was hoping if there might be any one out there
who is in the fellowships i could invite as it is so so
very difficult to get out to a meeting

it took a friend who reminded me of so much
i have been missing from my fellowship
that i know what i need to do is surrender
and
LET GO AND LET GOD
will post and continue....

....continued
 

there only needs to be another person
who is willing to have a place to share
and how it affects their sobriety
on a daily basis
my daily life physically is pushed to
the limit
and when i am up for the challenge
i kick butt
only to pay for it the next couple of days
and be upset for it did not have to be like that
it is a terrible place i am at
no meds for nerve related problems
been through way to many to list
now in the middle of withdrawal from
Effexor
my medicine intake is as follows
only for pain meds opiates
meds for cancer
meds muscle relaxers
meds xanax
cannabis for hands feet upper right back, NAUSEA
ALL DOCTORS on the same page
as i keep nothing from them
or my family
it would be awesome
just for today
i turn over my will
me

Dear Eva,
You go through such a lot every day and you find the Strength to share with us, your Friends.

So, from me to you - for the first time to anyone:

In the '80s I drank and smoked (illegally here) to 'cope' with pain and severe Anxiety issues. This was on top of popping beta-blockers like Smarties. This was daily, but I was never an alcoholic, it NEVER affected me my tolerance was so high, but I had no cravings or withdrawals. I just got mentally relaxed with the mixture.

Staying up til 2am, I was fully straight by 7am the same morning. As the years passed heavier abuse led to nil reaction, work wasn't affected - I was even able to 'function' within small groups in the evenings as my Anxiety was drowned and smoked out.

I realised that I was consuming 2-3 times as much as before with no real effect after 7 years or so. I decided on a change, quit my job, sold my house, broke off a relationship and moved 250 miles, cutting all ties with my previous life. I haven't touched a drop, nor smoked, since. In 27 years I have only spoken to 2 people on 3 occasions from my 'past' life.

Dave.

dear Dave
thank you for sharing
i with everything going on
and to now be a S.S. recipient
and to have found the best coverage
a new drug company

i want to express
how having to go through my own physical breakdown
ruptured disc
that was the beginning of one horrific situation after another
making the conscious decision not to take my antidepressant
and am very angry of having to take pain meds
my cardiologist put me on xanax been on it during my changes ya know woman stuff
now my shrink dispenses it
one time i was on 1 mg tab 3 times a day
brought myself down slowly
to 1 tablet
he said not to be uncomfortable
and after a while i could see i needed two in my day
so bottom line i have to tell you as recovering alcoholic
my choice a drink it kills the pain at a low cost
as i just learned having to find a drug plan part D
my one pain med Oxycontin one month supply is
$997.00
not to mention the other meds
then the cancer
another 5 years of those
are you getting the picture
there are so many things
a slave to them
depressing
so blanking depressing
to have worked so long in
my staying away from that first drink
never to have abused my meds to date
doesn't sit okay with me

i hope i have been able to have opened dialog
as it too is my medicine for life
i am a angry depressed person
for many reasons
and i know if i do not work on it
my character defects are at their best

it has been a while since my last drink
and i would be gone if i ever thaught
i can abuse my meds

i take medicine not drugs
me

Dear Eva,
Your strength should be held up to marvel at. I, also, take medicine not drugs. I am scared of being addicted, the amount I have to take to function. I worry that my Depressive Personality Disorder and Addictive Personality go hand in hand. That is one of the reasons why, every February, I stop my pain meds one at a time for as long as I can bear, physically. It was just a few days this year, but I break the cycle.

I meant to put in my first Post - to give you a general idea of the state I was in with no physical effects - daily consumption was around 5 pints of beer and 10 double whiskys, weekends pushed up to 8 pints and 16 doubles. This was at my worst, before I quit. I now abhor the thought of drink, the smell makes me nauseated - thankfully.

We are so lucky here to have the NHS. We all pay in a percentage of salary, we pay a set fee (minimal) for each rx med for a week/fortnight/month supply, or if you are a cancer sufferer left with medical issues that need treatment you get them for free. Before this I used to pay for a Yearly Certificate - less than $160 total for 10 meds monthly for a year. I will hear nothing against our system.

Keep fighting the Big C, I am about 20 months clear so you can do it. We will battle our Depression together and the other issues and pains can all be Consigned to H…!

Dave.

good morning Dave

thank you for sharing

today i will try not to do much
as i have over done things
such as putting a table set for my granddaughter
it is made of solid wood and needed to be put together
the most colorful table and two chairs ladybugs
butterflies i will get a picture of it and have my daughter
Corissa post it
since it took all night to do
it was tough the next morning
she is so happy and grateful
sits at it first thing in the morning
and says
where is breakfast
she is so happy
worth the money
it is so well made
it will be passed on down her family
the company name is TEAMSOM
THE THEME A COLORFUL GARDEN
i will try and stay in a positive mood (that usually changes if
my child gets in that couch mood) she is to young to beautiful to not be productive
she is also 17
today i will
LET GO AND LET GOD
JUST FOR TODAY
I WILL TAKE CARE OF ME
i will hold your hand Dave
and pray

Lord
grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change
the courage to change the things we can
and to understand the difference
in Jesus name
Amen

to thy self be true
me

Eva,
It is 8:55 pm here. In 5 minutes is my Special Time. Tonight I will hold your hand and specifically Meditate on your beautiful prayer for US as well as for our fellows.

Thank you.

Dave.

forgetting you are so far away and time zone changes
8 hours difference where my family is
as a Hungarian and ALL of my family resides in Europe
do not know what it was like to have grandparents
aunts and uncles on both sides
went to visit twice
i was a young girl 9 and then again 12
whatever time of the day
love and peace
one day at a time
me

it was crippling
 

again my daughter
acting up
to much drama
to much to deal with
it has got to stop
me

Trying
 

To let go and let God
Me