The "you dont know what you saw" arguement
 

Do folks do this because we have MS? or do they do it because they are rude? or because your opinion matters so little or theirs matters so much? either way it grinds my gears and is a huge pet peeve of mine. let me explain.

lets say I am out walking. I pass a neighbor. I tell her about the most beautiful flowers I saw earlier on top of the hill. "wonderful pink posies!" and she will say "they are not pink, they are orange" Um..well...the ones I saw were pink. the response is "well i hate to tell you this but posies dont come in pink, only orange!" with me saying "perhaps I didnt see a posie then, but it was a nice PINK flower. with the response of "ive been up that mountain a hundred times and never saw a pink flower. to which i respond well there are PINK flowers TODAY!

Dont you hate when someone wants to tell you what it was you saw, or felt or experienced? is it an MS thing? do folks think that because I am suffering that I dont know what I am talking about?

I told a friend each time I go to X city the ice cream window is very crowded. her response "its not crowded there there is never anyone at the window" my response was "each time I go there, its crowded. maybe its the time of day or time of season, but I have yet to see it not crowded." her response was "well since the new ice cream place went in around the corner there are never any crowds. perhaps you havent been there since, but the crowds are not gone" I say "great! they got a new place, but last time I saw it, it was very crowded."

WHY????!!!! I used two examples but this problem seems to be following me. From what color something is to the price of something, to my experience with a company or person or event. WHY???!!!! OMG im gonna lose it if folks keep telling me how I am supposed to feel, or what I did or didnt see or even the "how are you feeling?" with my answer of "im kinda dragging lately, im trying to get out there, but its been hard" followed by the "well I see you out walking quite a bit, so it cant be that bad" OMG! I swear, someone needs to start collecting bail money cause im gonna snap!

Folks NEVER treated me this way before MS. I am always treated with respect, kindness, and believed when I say its snowing outside folks believe its snowing outside! Do they think I have gone off the deep end cause I have MS? Does anyone else experience this?

I think people do that because they're jerks, and quite possibly you have more than your fair share of jerks nearby where you live. (Jerks seem to cluster and group themselves together sometimes)

Maybe you'll get lucky and some of them will move away to go annoy other people. (just dont send them anywhere near me)

YES! My sis the nurse has an explanation for whatever I feel. My nuro would tell me that whatever was not ms related. My husband would argue that my only problem is me! "But you look fine.". Sometimes I think the combination of drugs makes me see more and better than the normal people. I too have had to let it go or I would hurt someone!

Jerk's Question: What is your favorite color?

My Answer: Green

Jerk's Response: WRONG!

I guess some folks are just jerks.

I'm guessing we all know a few people like that. I had a couple of customers who just about drove me crazy until I learned to let it go. If I said, "What great weather!" one man would say, "Nooooooo, it's too dry, we need the rain." If I said, "Nice to have a little rain," he'd say, "Nooooo, farmers have hay down." If I said I saw a robin, he'd say, "Nooooo, too early, you must have seen a bluejay." Or whatever.

I used to "argue" with them, prove my point. Now I say, let them be the fool. I've learned with those people you just have to let them win BEFORE you get to the edge. Unless it's a matter of life or death, I just say, "You're probably right", and change the subject.

These types of folks are beyond help.

Save your aggravation and don't give them any ammunition. They want someone to argue with. Don't be that person.

It takes two to argue and if you refuse to let them draw you into their game they'll be left talking to themselves! :p

I have to say that I've not had this happen, but it doesn't make your experience invalid.

If I perceive the color as orange and you see it as pink, both perceptions are valid.

If you are fatigued and I recall you with more energy, both things are real.

My suggestion is to show them that there is enough room for both things to be true. Since we are separate people our experiences are different.

Neither should expect the other the to see it exactly their way.

Or you could say something like, "well one of us is nuts, that's for sure"..:D:p:D

i have noticed that a lot more people are miserable and unkind these days. most of them don't attack me in the manner you describe, just the people at Bible Study who think I'm eccentric because I don't think EXACTLY the way they do, so I am going to avoid them. This means I won't see many people. Tonight I'll take another walk outside and if I see anyone they will either be nice or ignore me, the typical way peeps behave here.
I agree, Dej, that your community must be peopled with persons who are highly stressed and have succumbed to it. Flailing out. It is all so tragic. It's all I can see now, as i look out on my world: tragedy.
Of course there IS a rabbit washing her face in my yard...she's OK, not tragic, just beautiful.

I suppose it could be called invalidation. The responses from people who negate you this way is invalidating.

But these people you talk to also strike me as "crazy making".... another term for that is gaslighting.(making you doubt your own perceptions and observations/reality).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

In any event it is THEM and not you. Just keep that perspective.
At least the subjects so far are rather small and benign.

I'd just smile and say "Hello" or some such whenever these troublesome people need to be greeted.