weird
 

early this morning I remembered that my mother and i went to a female psychiatrist after my father died. I had quit my job. I could no longer work. I had gotten into a huge fight with my sister. when my father was dying my mother took myra and me and the three boys out for dinner to a nice place she never did that for me) and at the end of the meal she said she was tired and wanted to go home. myra asked the boys if they wanted dessert. they said yes. my mother repeated that she wanted to go home and that she was tired. she was in her seventies. myra told her to lie down and let the boys have their dessert and then we would go.i was very angry and kept on saying that she was tired and daddy was dying. later on after he died myra made a joke to my mother's best friend about how mother fell asleep when we went out to eat. I defended my mother and said that wasn't true and that she had repeatedly asked to go home because she was tired and that myra wanted the boys to have dessert. later that night it escalated and i was really mean and said that is why your husband went after other women because of your selfishness. myra shrieked and told mother to get rid of me.
then myra threatened to leave to our senior aunts at 10:30 at night. she didn;;t. the next day mother said that her bleeding ulcer was going to act up and she was going to bleed to death if i didn't leave. what could I do?
so later on we went to a psychiatrist. I came in from new york. I repeatedly asked my mother if front of the psychiatrist why didn't she send myra home.
she kept on changing the subject. finally my mother said myra would be more use to her at that point. that explained my mother's behavior and part of my behavior all these years because it was always about my mother and not about myra. I guess that is what I needed a therapist for. what a release.
I think that is why i keep on staying in the apartment. I feel just too vulnerable..
bobby

Thank you for sharing.
I have to take a shower so will comment more later.
Just wanted you to know that I read it and hope you feel good about your writing.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bobby

That would be a really hard thing to get over. Hopefully now that you
have gotten to the point you are remembering it. You can tell yourself
that going out is not a bad thing. I hope things start to get better.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

I think that was my life. my bipolar rageacholic father was another and my sister who was a kidnapped princess was another.being bipolar with gad and in an explosion resulting in post traumatic stress didn't help. I must be a survivor.

You are a survivor Bobby.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

It is so common for those kind of things to happen when a family member is dying or has died... sometimes one person gets unfairly victimized. I'm so sorry it happened to you :hug::hug::hug:

It probably happened to you because Myra protested the loudest, and it was easier for your mother to placate her to stop the fighting, and not because of anything to do with what you did, or who you are :hug::hug::hug:

I think some of us will always be working through this kind of ****. I'm glad that you were able to vent about what happened back then. Your family was so abusive to you :hug::hug::hug:

yes your family was abusive to you.
You lived a hard life.
I wish for easier days ahead....
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

kay it happened all my life. myra got new clothes. i got clothes from a thrift store or myra's hand me downs. On holidays they went to myra's because they wanted to be with the boys(I don't blame them) and I was left out- myra got to drive the car when she wanted, I didn't. myra got to use the phone when she wanted I had to wait. I could go on and on. when there was dirty work like driving with my drunk father I was the one who was called to do it not myra. I was the youngest. when somebody was needed to calm my father down, I was the one my mother turned to. I was the one who had to lie on the couch with my father not myra. the joke was I always felt sorry for my mother and once told her I would die for her.
You missed the point Kay. at the psychiatrist after much trying to avoid answering the question she finally said that myra would be more use to her at that point so she could dispense with me. It was always about her own needs and really had nothing to do much with Myra.
also my mother was a social climber and so was my sister. I wasn't. At least one of her son's now is a millionaire. The middle one is on his way of being a billionaire and the youngest is on the way to being a millionaire.

OMG, aside from the psychiatrist visit, you could have been describing my life.

I didn't understand what you wrote about the psychiatrist in your first post... I'm sorry Bobby... That's just ****ing terrible :hug::hug::hug:

I don't think you read my next post and the ending. I think we are very much alike and we are both survivors. I don't understand why don't suffer from the same depression I have unless you just manage it. I totally understand your love and delight of animals. I understand corey. My soulmate was an alcoholic who was much younger than i and he tried to kill himself twice, the second time he succeeded and hung himself from a tree. He had terrible depression.
I used to smoke so much and I didn't care. Prices got out of hand and I had to quit. I used to take care of the little girl across the street for free. taking care of everybody elses needs but your own. my bipolar hit me when i was young and not diagnosed til my fifties.
love
bobby